Comment from giraffmang

Excellent

Hi Rhonda,

very nice and well written chapter here. I think you could stretch the length of these now as you have something of an established readership. I think this would read better as an entire chapter.

"How can you contact him? I know you don't have cell phones."

"He's waiting behind the Coyote House," Koko said, smiling at Archie's sarcasm. - I didn't really get the sarcasm coming across in Archie's words here. By presenting it as such 'after the fact' can make the reader pause and go back.

All the best
G

 Comment Written 11-Jan-2017

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reply by the author on 11-Jan-2017

Okay, thanks. Sarcasm was a bit of a strong word for it. He was more wistful than sarcastic.

Thanks for the advice on the length. I was one chapter, as you guessed, that I broke apart when it seemed too long. Will keep them together next time.
Thanks so much for the review!!

Rhonda

Comment from Lu Saluna

Excellent

Excellent writing. The plot is getting quite good and has enough mystery and suspense to keep the reader (me) very engaged. I am really looking forward to the next chapter.

 Comment Written 10-Jan-2017

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reply by the author on 11-Jan-2017

Thank you, Lu! I'm glad it's keeping your interested. The next chapter will be a bit longer as they are going into the heart of danger.
I appreciate your time and comments!

Rhonda

Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)

Excellent

A well written part two to this chapter., my friend. The next one will be interesting to see if their escape plans work. Take care, my friend~Debbie

 Comment Written 10-Jan-2017

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reply by the author on 11-Jan-2017

Thank you for your review. Did you intend it to be 4 stars? If so, that's okay, but sometimes I hit the wrong one by mistake. Thanks for taking time either way,
Rhonda

reply by dejohnsrld (Debbie) on 11-Jan-2017

No, I meant 5 stars. I'll change it. S sorry. I need to get some sleep, I think. Sorry, my friend~Debbie

Comment from Phyllis Stewart

Excellent

It's getting exciting now. But the escape has to fail, since this is too early in the book. Too bad, because I really want them to be free. :)

 Comment Written 10-Jan-2017

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reply by the author on 11-Jan-2017

You'll see on the escape!! Some go down easier than others, lol, and they still have to go find Todd in the mountains of Colorado!

Take care, and thanks for the review.
Rhonda

Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

Another great chapter! It's good to know that an escape plan is about to be executed. Would Koko even know what a cell phone was? It's interesting she has so much knowledge about outside the community. Great build up of suspense. Wonder how they will get to Junior's book.

 Comment Written 10-Jan-2017

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reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017

The reason Koko knows about the outside is because her "sister" Ayala teaches social studies, and has newspapers from the outside. As professors, they are given more of a look into the outside. The Hawk clan also have that privilege.

Thanks so much for taking the time to review!

reply by lyenochka on 11-Jan-2017

Ah. Good to know. Amazing how you keep all the different parts straight!

Comment from Jackreese

Excellent

I like how I was able to come in and pretty much keep up with the story. Your dialogue was excellent your characters believable and the plot moved. I will keep my eye out for more.

 Comment Written 10-Jan-2017

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reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017

Thank you so much for jumping in. It's not too far into the story, so this is a pretty good time to start. I appreciate your comments and review,
Rhonda

Comment from Heidi M

Excellent

I hope Archie doesn't get caught if he gets into Junior's office to look in the book. It's nice they will have Sani's help to create a distraction.
know what's going (on)

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 Comment Written 10-Jan-2017

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reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017

Thank you, Heidi. He's definitely facing some challenges, but he's a resourceful sort of guy!

Thanks for reading and reviewing,
Rhonda

Comment from Rhonni

Excellent

very interesting read...you are a great storyteller and the idea is creative. I like how you gave us a summary of the book. Keep it up

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 Comment Written 10-Jan-2017

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reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017

Thank you so much for taking time to read and review!
Rhonda