Comment from tyco2992

Average

Great poem, I often find myself envying my nieces and nephews wishing I could go back to the age where I could still participate in the egg hunts Easter is such a fun holiday and I feel you hilighted that wonderfully

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 Comment Written 12-Apr-2017

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reply by the author on 12-Apr-2017

Hi tyco,

The rating you have given this piece indicates that you believe it needs extensive revision. However, your comments do not. Do you have suggestions for improvement?

Kim

Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)

Excellent

It was rejected? That is hard to believe! A very well done poem. This form looks a bit difficult, but you have done it well, my friend~Debbie

 Comment Written 12-Apr-2017

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reply by the author on 12-Apr-2017

Hi Debbie,

Once I started it flowed right along. Very lighthearted and relaxing to write.
Given that her talents garnered rejection at first, I think there is hope for us all. Thank you for the kind words.

Kim

Comment from Cindy Warren

Excellent

I remember reading those stories as a child. I thought Mr. McGregor was so mean. Until the rabbits ate up MY garden. LOL I hadn't seen that poem before. It's sweet.

 Comment Written 12-Apr-2017

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reply by the author on 12-Apr-2017

Hi Cindy,

Thanks for taking the time to read and review. The poem is in the Tale of Peter Rabbit. :) It was a fun childhood memory to revisit in this memento form. I appreciate your kind comments.

Kim

Comment from CD Richards

Excellent

You must be really old - all my Easter eggs were courtesy of Mr Cadbury ;-)

I'm wondering if it should be "beats" or "syllables"? You say beats, but I only count half what you say, whereas the syllable count is 8/6/2.

A nice, bright tribute to Ms Potter - well done, Kim.

Craig

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 Comment Written 12-Apr-2017

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reply by the author on 12-Apr-2017

Hi Craig,

I copied what Shadow Poetry says, as did Yvonne when she posted the rules in the forum. I didn't want to argue with the poet who designed the style, so we'll leave it as beats (she didn't say feet, after all) and clearly means syllables by her example:
Sky Flowers

Circumference unlimited
As flowers in the sky
Expand;
We stand in awe, inhibited,
As bright explosives fly
From land.

July wears flowers in the sky
Spreading above the town
In flight;
We stand in awe, ready to cry
Aloud as they resound
This night.

Copyright © 2007 Emily Romano

Thank you for the lovely review. :)

Kim