He Broke My Heart
Stand in my shoes31 total reviews
Comment from strandregs
Very well told Jimi
and the end was touching a surprise ending. Very poignant I the us I believe.
good look in thr contest.:-)) Z.
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2017
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Very well told Jimi
and the end was touching a surprise ending. Very poignant I the us I believe.
good look in thr contest.:-)) Z.
Comment Written 20-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2017
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z,
thank you. thank you, thank you...
This was my experience yesterday. I went to have lunch with my daughter at her office Regional which sits on the corner of the feeder of the freeway and a cross street. He resides there. I had seen him many times. There is something about people which move me to act. I brought him a hamburger and coke, plus a book I had in my car called The Slight Edge. I just walked across the street and struck up a conversation while my daughter was finishing up before her break. I wanted to take his picture, but I felt it would be inappropriate to ask. I didn't want him to feel uneasy. He was a very nice gentleman, Wish I could have done more.
again a big thank you
Jimi
Comment from Pantygynt
This is what they call a prose poem. Looks like prose and reads like poetry, is what it ought to do and indeed it is precisely what this does. It tells is story through accurate description with occasional comments similar to asides in a Shakespearean tragedy. The essential element of tragedy is present here even before the final cryptic three lines of explanation.
I think the following needs to be conventionally punctuated though:
"We gazed deeply. Infinitely. Boring into each other's souls."
to read:
"We gazed deeply, infinitely, boring into each other's souls."
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2017
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This is what they call a prose poem. Looks like prose and reads like poetry, is what it ought to do and indeed it is precisely what this does. It tells is story through accurate description with occasional comments similar to asides in a Shakespearean tragedy. The essential element of tragedy is present here even before the final cryptic three lines of explanation.
I think the following needs to be conventionally punctuated though:
"We gazed deeply. Infinitely. Boring into each other's souls."
to read:
"We gazed deeply, infinitely, boring into each other's souls."
Comment Written 20-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2017
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Jim,
Thank you so very much. I am truly humbled by your review. I consider you one of the most knowledgeable and exceptional writers on here, so your critique and comments mean a great deal. again a big thank you..
Jimi
Comment from artemis53
Beautifully done, Jimi. The ending took me by surprise but I loved the way you described him and the entire scenario. This piece didn't need a picture. I saw it all in your words.
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2017
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Beautifully done, Jimi. The ending took me by surprise but I loved the way you described him and the entire scenario. This piece didn't need a picture. I saw it all in your words.
Comment Written 20-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2017
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Diane,
TThe ending took you by surprise? Well I suppose that is a good thing!!! Thank you ever so much for your time, and your review. I appreciate you.. again a big thank you.. Jimi
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Dear Jimi, this opens so many levels of emotion. Powerfully penned and yet it also seems to ache on such a deep level. Wonderful to read and then sit back and ponder the moment more closely.
Thanks for sharing.
m
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2017
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Dear Jimi, this opens so many levels of emotion. Powerfully penned and yet it also seems to ache on such a deep level. Wonderful to read and then sit back and ponder the moment more closely.
Thanks for sharing.
m
Comment Written 20-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2017
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MO, Now this is a heart warming surprise!! I am truly humbled. Thank you sweet sweet lady. I hope you are feeling better and gaining your strength back, I think of you often.. again a big thank you..
Jimi
Comment from lyenochka
I really like this sensitive portrayal of this homeless man. Bless you for taking the time to listen and restore his humanity by paying him a visit. It seems the only begging done was his shirt.
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2017
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I really like this sensitive portrayal of this homeless man. Bless you for taking the time to listen and restore his humanity by paying him a visit. It seems the only begging done was his shirt.
Comment Written 20-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2017
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lyenochka,
thank you so very much for taking the time to read and review my work. I am honored.. again a big thank you.. jlsavell
Comment from Ronni
This was a heart breaking read from start to finish Jimi...no wonder it
broke your heart in this experience relayed here. Your reality thrust imagery
soul gripping metaphors; aching alliterations provided a better
picture than any you could have found or picked anywhere!
That this turned out to be a homeless veteran you met and shared
this delicate, exchange, so totally encompassed in dual empathies
and subtle compassion; all the more pained in portent and circumstance.
You being so attuned to solo sufferings and heart break, made this
meeting more than mere chance or casual event. Your karmic kindness
and notice of him, was a kind of inevitable cosmic confirmation and
consolation for both of you. Thanks for sharing dear!
Love, blessings always!....Ronni
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2017
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This was a heart breaking read from start to finish Jimi...no wonder it
broke your heart in this experience relayed here. Your reality thrust imagery
soul gripping metaphors; aching alliterations provided a better
picture than any you could have found or picked anywhere!
That this turned out to be a homeless veteran you met and shared
this delicate, exchange, so totally encompassed in dual empathies
and subtle compassion; all the more pained in portent and circumstance.
You being so attuned to solo sufferings and heart break, made this
meeting more than mere chance or casual event. Your karmic kindness
and notice of him, was a kind of inevitable cosmic confirmation and
consolation for both of you. Thanks for sharing dear!
Love, blessings always!....Ronni
Comment Written 20-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2017
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Ronni,
Dearest friend, your reviews always leave me without the proper words to express my gratitude toward your humbling words of support and encouragement. Thank you for you dearest friend. Jimi
Comment from Donya Quijote
As a veteran, I can honestly say that this moved me very much. You captured and used well all the elements of a haibun (I think that is why you categorized this a poem): title, prose, and haiku. Each element adds to the poem and takes the reader to a variety of places in the mind. Your title grabs one's attention as it should and sets the scene so to speak. Your prose further paints a vivid and evocative image. You develop it fully. Your haiku reflects the human condition which is allowed in haiku (there is special name for this type of haiku) and finally identifies exactly who the person is your are talking about. You could have talking about any soul down on his luck but stating that this person is homeless vet makes your over all haibun that much more poignant, evocative, even provocative. It is an utter shame how this county treats its vets. Powerful piece... Outstanding...
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2017
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As a veteran, I can honestly say that this moved me very much. You captured and used well all the elements of a haibun (I think that is why you categorized this a poem): title, prose, and haiku. Each element adds to the poem and takes the reader to a variety of places in the mind. Your title grabs one's attention as it should and sets the scene so to speak. Your prose further paints a vivid and evocative image. You develop it fully. Your haiku reflects the human condition which is allowed in haiku (there is special name for this type of haiku) and finally identifies exactly who the person is your are talking about. You could have talking about any soul down on his luck but stating that this person is homeless vet makes your over all haibun that much more poignant, evocative, even provocative. It is an utter shame how this county treats its vets. Powerful piece... Outstanding...
Comment Written 20-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2017
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Donya Quijote,
I am truly honored over this review. Thank you so very much. Humbled and truly honored. jlsavell
Comment from kahpot
What a captivating story you have written here, of how first impressions can leave their mark ( my interpretation) and leave us ( me ) wondering why you cried I loved it very well done****kahpot
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2017
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What a captivating story you have written here, of how first impressions can leave their mark ( my interpretation) and leave us ( me ) wondering why you cried I loved it very well done****kahpot
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2017
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kahpot,
I do not believe we have met before. Thank you ever so much for stopping by ot read and review my work. I am honored.. jlsavell
Comment from michaelcahill
"His dreams held close to the bosom of his spirit. Afraid to let them go, for he knew not how to chase them."
I loved all of this. I seldom single out a quote, but this is immortal, what can I say. I wonder how many people felt a jolt go through them when they recognized themselves in those beautiful words. Write some more stuff. :)) mikey
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"His dreams held close to the bosom of his spirit. Afraid to let them go, for he knew not how to chase them."
I loved all of this. I seldom single out a quote, but this is immortal, what can I say. I wonder how many people felt a jolt go through them when they recognized themselves in those beautiful words. Write some more stuff. :)) mikey
Comment Written 20-Apr-2017
Comment from Hitcher
You are a good soul my friend, and you can write!! Loved the powerful visuals this homeless war vet conjured up in the minds eye. One could not help but be moved by your encounter with him... a moment to remember and carry around...Emotional !
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You are a good soul my friend, and you can write!! Loved the powerful visuals this homeless war vet conjured up in the minds eye. One could not help but be moved by your encounter with him... a moment to remember and carry around...Emotional !
Comment Written 20-Apr-2017