Comment from Pantygynt

Excellent

'Curiouser and curiouser', said Alice. This tale has more tists and turns it than the A38 commonly said to be the longest lane in Devonshire. I must admit that I sometimes get lost between episodes and wonder if that is just down to the gaps away from the story or whether there are linking passages of which we are not being made aware.

I can't wait for the nightmare to begin once they get to Bangkok.

 Comment Written 30-Sep-2018

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reply by the author on 02-Oct-2018

I may be trying to juggle with one too many balls in the air. There is a plan, of sorts - i think.

reply by Pantygynt on 02-Oct-2018

Try doing it on a uni-cycle but with fewer balls Lol.

Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell

Excellent

I've been caught out like that with visas, and it's such a pain to get one. I can imagine what it would be like where they were. This was an interesting story Helen is telling Charles. Her sister Kaya was lucky not to have been caught drawing money from their dead father's bank account. But, when needs must! I can't wait to find out what happens when they reach Thailand. Excellent! :) Sandra xx

 Comment Written 30-Sep-2018

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reply by the author on 02-Oct-2018

Thanks, Sandra. Several reviewers are expecting a few things to happen in Thailand. I shall have to put my best foot forward!

Comment from Sandra du Plessis

Excellent

A very well-written chapter. To travel from one country to another is not an overnight decision we can make. There are many things we have to consider before we can even book a flight.

 Comment Written 30-Sep-2018

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reply by the author on 01-Oct-2018

Thanks, Sandra. I appreciate your positive comments and continued interest. Best wishes, Tony

Comment from giraffmang

Excellent

There's a nice general balance overall between the chapters and this is developing into a much more wide-ranging story.

"You must have both been devastated. What did you do next?" - although you don't really need it, you could use a speech tag here following the lengthy dialogue from Helen, just for extra clarity.

It may also be an idea to break up the dialogue a little with some narrative beats. it's rare that two folk just talk with no movement. this reduces the feeling of 'talking heads'.

 Comment Written 30-Sep-2018

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reply by the author on 02-Oct-2018

Thanks for your suggestions, G. - especially the one about adding a few narrative beats. I've made a couple of alterations and I'll watch out for that in the future. Good advice. Appreciated.

Comment from J Patience

Excellent

This was very easy to read, and I found no issues with punctuation or grammar. This sounds like quite an adventure! I enjoy the "storytelling" feel just like when someone at my own work has an anecdote to share. I just sort of settle in and listen. That's the feel I got here.

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 Comment Written 30-Sep-2018

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reply by the author on 01-Oct-2018

Thanks, JP. I appreciate your positive comments and interest. Best wishes, Tony

Comment from royowen

Excellent

Charles discovers more of theis abventures, how Kayla had gone the way of prostitution, it's amazing how people even get into these things. I like the inventive way you've written this Tony, the interesting liaison, between this older man and younger woman, and you've chosen great, exotic locations for your story, and introduced some interesting characters. And good editing, Well done, blessings, Roy

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 Comment Written 30-Sep-2018

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reply by the author on 01-Oct-2018

Thanks, Roy. I appreciate your positive comments and continued interest. Best wishes, Tony

reply by royowen on 01-Oct-2018

Most welcome