The French Letter
Viewing comments for Chapter 27 "A Meeting with Madame Durand"A Novel
35 total reviews
Comment from Adri7enne
I enjoyed this chapter. It contains humor and a further development of the characters. Well done, Tony.
Just a few notes along the way:
"It occurred to me that the ruthless kidnapping of Helen might have been an attempt to ( coerce Jeanne into persuading her to become more heavily involved) - perhaps as a courier on the drug run out of Pakistan. COERCE JEANNE INTO BECOMING MORE HEAVILY INVOLVED." Simplify.
"A whole new batch of questions buzzed around my head as I walked to the hospital." Well done! Great way to move him from the cafeteria to the hospital.
You should make the "Book of the Month " contest with this one.
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2018
  |
I enjoyed this chapter. It contains humor and a further development of the characters. Well done, Tony.
Just a few notes along the way:
"It occurred to me that the ruthless kidnapping of Helen might have been an attempt to ( coerce Jeanne into persuading her to become more heavily involved) - perhaps as a courier on the drug run out of Pakistan. COERCE JEANNE INTO BECOMING MORE HEAVILY INVOLVED." Simplify.
"A whole new batch of questions buzzed around my head as I walked to the hospital." Well done! Great way to move him from the cafeteria to the hospital.
You should make the "Book of the Month " contest with this one.
Comment Written 18-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2018
-
Very many thanks for your review, Adrienne, and for your six-star award. I am particularly grateful to you for prompting me to review that convoluted sentence. I have been struggling with the whole paragraph for some time, knowing that it was not right. I've now re-written it entirely, in a way that I hope makes things clearer:
A sinister scenario was beginning to take shape in my mind. It occurred to me that the kidnapping must have been to involve Helen more deeply in whatever was going on. I guessed that she had already been used, possibly without her knowledge, as a courier smuggling drugs between Thailand and France. Now, perhaps, the strong-arm men were trying to coerce Jeanne to pressure her into a more significant role - maybe on the drug run between Afghanistan and Pakistan, where her local knowledge would be invaluable.
I wondered if their crude knife work back at the studio had been mainly for Helen's benefit, a demonstration of what could happen if she didn't cooperate. It stood in her favour that she had not acquiesced. Indeed, she had been able to take them by surprise with her martial arts skills and send them packing - not without a little help from Henri Carron and his dog, Bonaparte - and, of course, from me.
Comment from Pantygynt
This is just not fair. A big suspicion-generating build up, followed by the gastronomic delights of camembert washged down with a glass of chambertin. Then, as if the tension hadn't taken us to breaking point you indulge in a touch of pathetic fallacy with a thunderstorm before letting us down like a pricked balloon in the hospital, no mafiosi not even an epileptic fit. As I say, not fair but fine story telling.
Will this take us into the New Year do you think? It seems to be challenging the Brexit negotiations as a long runner, and a damn sight more interesting than Brexit too. Mind you, Charles may never get home if he delays until after 29th March when free movement will cease - or will it?
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2018
 |
This is just not fair. A big suspicion-generating build up, followed by the gastronomic delights of camembert washged down with a glass of chambertin. Then, as if the tension hadn't taken us to breaking point you indulge in a touch of pathetic fallacy with a thunderstorm before letting us down like a pricked balloon in the hospital, no mafiosi not even an epileptic fit. As I say, not fair but fine story telling.
Will this take us into the New Year do you think? It seems to be challenging the Brexit negotiations as a long runner, and a damn sight more interesting than Brexit too. Mind you, Charles may never get home if he delays until after 29th March when free movement will cease - or will it?
Comment Written 18-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2018
-
This is becoming something of a saga and almost as complex as Brexit. I hope I can negotiate a more satisfactory ending than seems likely in the latter.
Comment from tkbrown
Charles fills the time while waiting to join Helen at the hospital by ordering a cheese platter, grapes and a glass of wine. Then he settles back to read the December 21st excerpt from Jeanne's journal. As it turns out, the journal is not by Jeanne Durand, it is about her. Jeanne has said that bringing Helen to Paris was done at a High Price. Charles is trying to sort out whether that High Price would be for Jeanne or for Helen. This is not Jeanne's journal as it has references to Jeanne, not by her. It must be Kayla's journal. In the excerpt she talks about speaking fluent Urdu when introduced to Mr. Bukhari - a Pakistani businessman.
As Charles walks to the hospital to meet Helen he contemplates what he read in conjunction with what he knows. He surmises that Jeanne has done something to upset the Mafiosi. He is also concerned that Jeanne may be charged with bringing Helen into a more active role with regard to the drug trafficking. When he arrives at the hospital, he finds Helen eating a sandwich and she explains to him that the Doctor wants to speak to them about Jeanne's condition.
When the Doctor arrives he explains that it would not be good to travel with Jeanne at the point in time. He said she does not have epilepsy but rather a condition that is 'similar to epilepsy'. He also alerted them to the fact that she had cuts on her chest that appeared to be self-mutilation. This could be Borderline Pesonality Disorder, or it could be forced upon her by someone else. Just how deeply involved in the Mafiosi is Jeanne?
Thank You, TFAWCUS for sharing and allowing me to review your work. tkbrown
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2018
|
Charles fills the time while waiting to join Helen at the hospital by ordering a cheese platter, grapes and a glass of wine. Then he settles back to read the December 21st excerpt from Jeanne's journal. As it turns out, the journal is not by Jeanne Durand, it is about her. Jeanne has said that bringing Helen to Paris was done at a High Price. Charles is trying to sort out whether that High Price would be for Jeanne or for Helen. This is not Jeanne's journal as it has references to Jeanne, not by her. It must be Kayla's journal. In the excerpt she talks about speaking fluent Urdu when introduced to Mr. Bukhari - a Pakistani businessman.
As Charles walks to the hospital to meet Helen he contemplates what he read in conjunction with what he knows. He surmises that Jeanne has done something to upset the Mafiosi. He is also concerned that Jeanne may be charged with bringing Helen into a more active role with regard to the drug trafficking. When he arrives at the hospital, he finds Helen eating a sandwich and she explains to him that the Doctor wants to speak to them about Jeanne's condition.
When the Doctor arrives he explains that it would not be good to travel with Jeanne at the point in time. He said she does not have epilepsy but rather a condition that is 'similar to epilepsy'. He also alerted them to the fact that she had cuts on her chest that appeared to be self-mutilation. This could be Borderline Pesonality Disorder, or it could be forced upon her by someone else. Just how deeply involved in the Mafiosi is Jeanne?
Thank You, TFAWCUS for sharing and allowing me to review your work. tkbrown
Comment Written 18-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2018
-
Many thanks for your detailed summary of this chapter. The journal was actually written by Helen, but that occurred in an earlier chapter, before you started reviewing. Similarly, the cuts that the doctor mistakenly assumed were self-mutilation, were inflicted by the Mafia. That also occurred in an earlier chapter, but I have made it clearer by rewriting one of the middle paragraphs of this one. All the best,Tony.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
LOL! Brilliant ending, Tony. There was a nice sprinkling of humour in this part. So, Jeanne has been self-harming, or did her kidnappers do that? Hmm, something even more worrying has entered the story. Either way, she is obviously involved in something that she doesn't want to be. Back to the journal, who is this Mr Bukhari? And how is he involved. Helen was wise to be wary of him, it's a shame she gave him her name, that was a very clever trick. The plot certainly is thickening, my friend!! :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2018
|
LOL! Brilliant ending, Tony. There was a nice sprinkling of humour in this part. So, Jeanne has been self-harming, or did her kidnappers do that? Hmm, something even more worrying has entered the story. Either way, she is obviously involved in something that she doesn't want to be. Back to the journal, who is this Mr Bukhari? And how is he involved. Helen was wise to be wary of him, it's a shame she gave him her name, that was a very clever trick. The plot certainly is thickening, my friend!! :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 18-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2018
-
Thanks for another glowing six stars, Sandra. You?re becoming my favourite reviewer!
The doctor was definitely mistaken in his assumption that the cuts were self- mutilation. Helen and Charles thought it better not to disabuse him. I have rewritten the paragraph giving Charles?s thoughts on this in a way that will, I hope, make things clearer.
-
LOL! thank you. :)) I think you have a wonderful book here, it has everything, intrigue, romance, violence, the hero and the heroine, and of course, the baddies!! lol. xx
Comment from lyenochka
I do like how you are creating these personalities. I think Charles got in an appropriate revenge for Helen pretending he's her father. Enjoyed the stark difference between the sunshine of cheese compared to the triangular egg sandwich. Hope they can get Mme Durand away quickly. I would imagine it wasn't self-mutilation but the guys who did the kidnapping.
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2018
|
I do like how you are creating these personalities. I think Charles got in an appropriate revenge for Helen pretending he's her father. Enjoyed the stark difference between the sunshine of cheese compared to the triangular egg sandwich. Hope they can get Mme Durand away quickly. I would imagine it wasn't self-mutilation but the guys who did the kidnapping.
Comment Written 18-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2018
-
Yes, I think it?s pretty clear that it was torture, but there?s no reason for the doctor to have thought so. Glad you?re still enjoying the interplay between Charles and Helen. Many thanks for the sixth star. Much appreciated! All the best, Tony
Comment from Aussie
Apologies for not catching your book when you started writing it! So far behind now, you are up to chapter 27 and I have lost the plot. I do love how you write about France though. Obviously, you have a good knowledge of the country as you quote so many different areas. I wish you well and let you know I only read poems now. Sorry.
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2018
|
Apologies for not catching your book when you started writing it! So far behind now, you are up to chapter 27 and I have lost the plot. I do love how you write about France though. Obviously, you have a good knowledge of the country as you quote so many different areas. I wish you well and let you know I only read poems now. Sorry.
Comment Written 18-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2018
-
Thanks for dropping by to review this chapter, Kay. I know where you are coming from. I only used to review poems when that was all that I was writing. However, now that I have embarked upon a full-length novel, I need to do quite a bit of reciprocal reviewing - and it takes a great deal of time! Nonetheless, I am finding other people's input invaluable, and it is motivating to know that there are a couple of dozen of people on site following the story. It is what keeps me going!
I appreciate your six star award. Most generous. All the best, Tony
Comment from K. R. Ward
It was well written, with no grammar issues. The characters are well developed. The only issue was that the pacing of the first half was rather slow. I didn't really start to enjoy the piece until the MC meet up with Helen eating her sandwich. The interaction was priceless! I would edit the first half down a bit, and make the motive behind the MC reading her journal in a more emotional way, rather than just a rational, inquisitive way to add suspense.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2018
 |
It was well written, with no grammar issues. The characters are well developed. The only issue was that the pacing of the first half was rather slow. I didn't really start to enjoy the piece until the MC meet up with Helen eating her sandwich. The interaction was priceless! I would edit the first half down a bit, and make the motive behind the MC reading her journal in a more emotional way, rather than just a rational, inquisitive way to add suspense.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2018
-
Many thanks for your review and constructive criticism. I shall certainly have a further look at that part, both in the context of Charles's character and of the plot progression. There may well be an issue with pacing here - and room for improvement! I appreciate your comments. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Sankey
Good one again, mate. No spags and very descriptive throughout. This story gets better and better as we go along. Keep up the good work. For some reason, FS wants more. Ho hum.
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2018
|
Good one again, mate. No spags and very descriptive throughout. This story gets better and better as we go along. Keep up the good work. For some reason, FS wants more. Ho hum.
Comment Written 17-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2018
-
Thanks, Sankey. It can be difficult to fill the FS requirements for length of review. I find that particularly so when reviewing 'poems' of the 5-7-5 type.
-
Yeah mate how true! Sigh!
Comment from Spitfire
Since I missed the beginning chapters I'm not clear what is at stake here aside from the lives of the characters? Is the Mafia threatening to attack a country?
Maybe too much time bringing up food?
The interplay between Helen and her friend helps give humor to the story.
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2018
|
Since I missed the beginning chapters I'm not clear what is at stake here aside from the lives of the characters? Is the Mafia threatening to attack a country?
Maybe too much time bringing up food?
The interplay between Helen and her friend helps give humor to the story.
Comment Written 17-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2018
-
You are right - perhaps too much emphasis on food. I had to find somewhere for the poor fellow to read the journal in peace, and he'd have been kicked out if he hadn't ordered something off the menu! I shall have to starve the two of them for a few chapters, for fear that they might put on too much weight! Leaner, greener heroes may be able to sustain the action better!
As far as the Mafia are concerned, it rather looks as if Mme Durand has been running drugs for them and that she has double crossed them. That seems to be Charles's theory, anyway.
-
LOLOL--starving your characters. And I bet some readers head for the kitchen after reading this.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did a good job with this part of the story, Tony. I thought there would be more to Madame Durand's collapse form the doctor. I have never seen the word 'concussed.' Bit it makes sense. The discussion about Helen and Charles a daughter and father was interesting to throw in. I like the French saying about cheese and sunshine, too. Thanks for sharing. Jan
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2018
|
You did a good job with this part of the story, Tony. I thought there would be more to Madame Durand's collapse form the doctor. I have never seen the word 'concussed.' Bit it makes sense. The discussion about Helen and Charles a daughter and father was interesting to throw in. I like the French saying about cheese and sunshine, too. Thanks for sharing. Jan
Comment Written 17-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2018
-
Thanks, Jan. I appreciate your comments. Best wishes, Tony.