Mother's White Feather
Coward or Angel?29 total reviews
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written heartfelt poem about a mother that seems unfit but maybe she saved her children from possible harm and to deal with her short-comings. It is sad that mother's think they are not capable to cope.
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2019
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A very well-written heartfelt poem about a mother that seems unfit but maybe she saved her children from possible harm and to deal with her short-comings. It is sad that mother's think they are not capable to cope.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2019
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Maybe back in 1953 when it happened she had no back-up choices. Different times, different pressures. But still, one would think maternal instincts would overcome obstacles.
Comment from LyndaS
This is haunting and sad but somehow exquisite. Great symbiotic connection between a bird and your mother. Your words seem to be painstaking selected, not only for the sake of this poem but to protect the memories you still clearly own. Excellent presentation and formatting for this contest entry. It broke my heart and I salute your honest bravery. Thank you for sharing. Lynda
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2019
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This is haunting and sad but somehow exquisite. Great symbiotic connection between a bird and your mother. Your words seem to be painstaking selected, not only for the sake of this poem but to protect the memories you still clearly own. Excellent presentation and formatting for this contest entry. It broke my heart and I salute your honest bravery. Thank you for sharing. Lynda
Comment Written 17-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2019
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Oh my dear dear friend. You entirely understand this poem and myself.
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You are always welcome. I think this is one of your best.
Comment from Dean Kuch
It's not up to me to cast judgement on the actions of your mother. There is one far more capable and powerful and worthy than any of us are who has taken on that task.
I do think it's deplorable to abandon your kids--no matter who you are or what you might be going through. It's just selfish, plain and simple. I can't comprehend how someone--especially a mother--could do such a thing.
"I don't know if we each have a destiny-or if we're all just floating around, accidental-like on a breeze.
But I think maybe it's both. Maybe both are happening at the same time" ~Forrest Gump, 1994
Best of luck to you in the contest.
~Dean
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2019
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It's not up to me to cast judgement on the actions of your mother. There is one far more capable and powerful and worthy than any of us are who has taken on that task.
I do think it's deplorable to abandon your kids--no matter who you are or what you might be going through. It's just selfish, plain and simple. I can't comprehend how someone--especially a mother--could do such a thing.
"I don't know if we each have a destiny-or if we're all just floating around, accidental-like on a breeze.
But I think maybe it's both. Maybe both are happening at the same time" ~Forrest Gump, 1994
Best of luck to you in the contest.
~Dean
Comment Written 17-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2019
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Forrest Gump was very wise... I'm with the floating around concept. We pass from amniotic fluid to a different floaty aether, in the literary sense.
Mother was probably dealing with a whole other set of complexities back in 1953 when she ran out on the kids, but one would have hoped that maternal instinct would be strong enough to find a solution.
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One would hope...
Comment from Mark Valentine
Wow. Thanks for the author's notes - they add layers of meaning to thei already powerful poem. Then opening "Whistling through the bars" is such a perfect line - it conveys the sense of a mother who from one perspective has an inadequate sense of responsibility (whistling), but on the other hand may be imprisoned behind bars we cannot see. It also introduces the bird metaphor that you come back to in the final stanza so poignantly, as you shift the focus from the mom to the child.
This was just outstanding!
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2019
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Wow. Thanks for the author's notes - they add layers of meaning to thei already powerful poem. Then opening "Whistling through the bars" is such a perfect line - it conveys the sense of a mother who from one perspective has an inadequate sense of responsibility (whistling), but on the other hand may be imprisoned behind bars we cannot see. It also introduces the bird metaphor that you come back to in the final stanza so poignantly, as you shift the focus from the mom to the child.
This was just outstanding!
Comment Written 17-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2019
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What a marvellous review. Thank you so much Mark. I knew I had crafted a good one with this. I wanted to use a feather as a motif and initially was thinking of having a dead bird but then the trailing feather boa sprang to mind.
Comment from Glowplug
This is beautiful with an interesting back story. "Shot of us" curious about this phrase if it shouldn't be "shut of us"? Really good work and personal , thanks for writing it and sharing it.
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2019
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This is beautiful with an interesting back story. "Shot of us" curious about this phrase if it shouldn't be "shut of us"? Really good work and personal , thanks for writing it and sharing it.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2019
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Thanks for the wonderfully affirming review. I wanted to use "Shot of us" as that is the Aussie/NZ expression we use, and it also relates to the 'Shot at dawn' analogy.
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Oh ok cool! I wondered if would learn something on that one lol
Comment from RodG
Your notes make it very clear what actually happened. The mother in the poem does not seem quite so despicable as the real one as she ldeserts her children with nary but a note, maybe because of that striking image of the trailing boa. I really like how you jolt your camera around to focus on the Speaker, the child she left behind. Rod
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2019
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Your notes make it very clear what actually happened. The mother in the poem does not seem quite so despicable as the real one as she ldeserts her children with nary but a note, maybe because of that striking image of the trailing boa. I really like how you jolt your camera around to focus on the Speaker, the child she left behind. Rod
Comment Written 17-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2019
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Thanks for your review Rod. I was pleased with that feather boa image. I wanted to use a feather as a symbol and was initially thinking of the child finding a dead bird, but then I suddenly thought of a feather boa which fitted the theatricality much better... better connected to mother also.
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You are quite welcome. Rod
Comment from Rachelle Allen
I'm going to gush again, so please just move on to your next review if it's too unbearable to be complimented for your immense talent.
This creation is publishing-worthy. SO deep, so stark, so bitingly real, but somehow -and I keep reading it to figure out exactly how but continue to not have the answer- it does NOT sound harsh or lugubrious (I know you love it when I use that word...) or maudlin in any way. It's spoken like a strong survivor who sees that the onus is on the person who left and not the ones who were left behind.
And your Author's notes were stated with the understanding that comes from someone who's been loved and treated well, herself. (okay, now it's going to get REALLY gushy, so close yours eyes!) You are a remarkable person, and a GIFTED writer. You amaze me. xo
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2019
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I'm going to gush again, so please just move on to your next review if it's too unbearable to be complimented for your immense talent.
This creation is publishing-worthy. SO deep, so stark, so bitingly real, but somehow -and I keep reading it to figure out exactly how but continue to not have the answer- it does NOT sound harsh or lugubrious (I know you love it when I use that word...) or maudlin in any way. It's spoken like a strong survivor who sees that the onus is on the person who left and not the ones who were left behind.
And your Author's notes were stated with the understanding that comes from someone who's been loved and treated well, herself. (okay, now it's going to get REALLY gushy, so close yours eyes!) You are a remarkable person, and a GIFTED writer. You amaze me. xo
Comment Written 17-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2019
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Actually, you can compliment me all you like on this one because I know for myself that it is a good one. Another one I wrote this week is very good too. Keep a lookout for Lies About Truth which I will release this week also. My Dad always told me I was remarkable and gifted. (I was gifted to him you see.) And lugubrious is a wonderful word. I even know what it means. Thank you so much for your generous review comments.
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xo
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
This is a poignant and deeply emotional write Lisa and I feel your pain but also I feel your resolve at the end when you realised your fate. When we get older, we tend to build up these things up in our mind when the reality can be so simple. Your feelings of abandonment are profound and quite damaging. Your poem is heartfelt Lisa, love Dolly x
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reply by the author on 17-Apr-2019
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This is a poignant and deeply emotional write Lisa and I feel your pain but also I feel your resolve at the end when you realised your fate. When we get older, we tend to build up these things up in our mind when the reality can be so simple. Your feelings of abandonment are profound and quite damaging. Your poem is heartfelt Lisa, love Dolly x
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2019
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Thanks for the empathy in your review, Dolly. x
My birth mother died last month and it has thrown up some emotional stuff I thought I had dealt with.
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Sorry for your loss Lisa x
Comment from Diana Charles
Wow. This is powerful. Your explanations are helpful in knowing the situation from which you derived this piece. I can't imagine leaving children behind but we don't know what motivates folks to do the things they do right? Beautiful piece. And how blessed were you to be raised in a loving home. ��
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2019
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Wow. This is powerful. Your explanations are helpful in knowing the situation from which you derived this piece. I can't imagine leaving children behind but we don't know what motivates folks to do the things they do right? Beautiful piece. And how blessed were you to be raised in a loving home. ��
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2019
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Thanks for your review Diana. Yes, I was the lucky one, the one that got away. I have to be open-minded about what motivated our mother to run out on young children. I can understand me being adopted as her husband did not want to raise another man's offspring, but to walk out the door on 3 kids under 5yrs old is somewhat mind-blowing.
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❤️