The Lady Wore A Hat
I wanted to copy her grace...35 total reviews
Comment from A. Louise Robertson
This is a lovely entry in the contest. I could picture the lady walking the way you described her and I felt your disappointment when you saw her again, older and not capable to the same walk. I know, I'm not walking the same myself as I age. When I was younger in those lovely high heels I was quite a fashion plate. Oh well, it happens to the best of us.
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2020
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This is a lovely entry in the contest. I could picture the lady walking the way you described her and I felt your disappointment when you saw her again, older and not capable to the same walk. I know, I'm not walking the same myself as I age. When I was younger in those lovely high heels I was quite a fashion plate. Oh well, it happens to the best of us.
Comment Written 02-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2020
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Thank you for reading my work and for your lovely comments. I am sure many hearts were broken at the compass of your heels!!
Comment from richie b
Amada,
Great description in your story. I easily visioned this
woman's graceful walk. Vivid start and ending of story,
maybe a little more of middle story.
Your imagery is solid.
Peace,
Richie b
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2020
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Amada,
Great description in your story. I easily visioned this
woman's graceful walk. Vivid start and ending of story,
maybe a little more of middle story.
Your imagery is solid.
Peace,
Richie b
Comment Written 02-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2020
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Thank you for reading my story. It was a long, long story reduced to only 102 words for this contest. It lost some juice, I see.
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I understand on the word
length. Nothing wrong with story as it stands.
Peace
Comment from Coco Jane
Good memory.
I'd like to know more about who this woman was--a neighbor? stranger? odd lady that no one ever talked to?
The paragraphing is unusual, sort of like a poem. Will that hurt your chances in the contest?
I like the descriptions.
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2020
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Good memory.
I'd like to know more about who this woman was--a neighbor? stranger? odd lady that no one ever talked to?
The paragraphing is unusual, sort of like a poem. Will that hurt your chances in the contest?
I like the descriptions.
Comment Written 02-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2020
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This started like a long poem. hank you for noticing some lyric notes. No, I never knew who this lady was, that was it make her mysterious. I also called her "the greta Garbo" l lady.
Comment from nancy_e_davis
I see nothing wrong with your story, Amada. I found it interesting. "I imitated her steps, in an attempt to grow grace..." It's wonderful to have someone to look up to and sad when the future removes all that. Lovely story, well done. Nancy:)
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2020
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I see nothing wrong with your story, Amada. I found it interesting. "I imitated her steps, in an attempt to grow grace..." It's wonderful to have someone to look up to and sad when the future removes all that. Lovely story, well done. Nancy:)
Comment Written 02-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2020
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Thank you Nancy, your comments to this story are so welcome.
Comment from rama devi
This paints a lovely portrait, with a keen sense of poignant longing,. Fine imagery, tone and tenor. Just a couple of spags in this sentence:
Many winters passed before I saw her again; diminished, faltering steps--
minus the hat; a shadow of what she had been; as if one day the wind
swept her hat, and took her soul as well.
Using so many semicolons is awkward (and one of them is inaccurate...).
Here are some alternatives for your consideration:
Many winters passed before I saw her again--minus the hat--with diminished, faltering steps--a shadow of what she had been, as if one day the wind swept her hat and took her soul as well.
OR
Many winters passed before I saw her again, minus the hat. Her steps faltering, she seemed diminished--a shadow of what she had been, as if one day the wind swept her hat and took her soul as well.
Sad portrait, dear.
Hope you're well.
Hugs,
rd
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2020
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This paints a lovely portrait, with a keen sense of poignant longing,. Fine imagery, tone and tenor. Just a couple of spags in this sentence:
Many winters passed before I saw her again; diminished, faltering steps--
minus the hat; a shadow of what she had been; as if one day the wind
swept her hat, and took her soul as well.
Using so many semicolons is awkward (and one of them is inaccurate...).
Here are some alternatives for your consideration:
Many winters passed before I saw her again--minus the hat--with diminished, faltering steps--a shadow of what she had been, as if one day the wind swept her hat and took her soul as well.
OR
Many winters passed before I saw her again, minus the hat. Her steps faltering, she seemed diminished--a shadow of what she had been, as if one day the wind swept her hat and took her soul as well.
Sad portrait, dear.
Hope you're well.
Hugs,
rd
Comment Written 02-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2020
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I am welll, dear friend. I agree with your suggestions, i tried to do it; but I am allowed only 102 words...I did the corrections. I value your opinion.
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Thanks, dear. Glad you're well. I forgot about the word limit!
Hugs,
rd
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Your comments are always welcome in this side...Love ya!
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Love ya too! :)
Comment from R. Hiland
This flows gracefully, like the lady's walk. Nice description. One thing I would mention--not quite a suggestion--I didn't understand "at her compass". Compass as in surrounding her, like an aura? This sounds to me like her dress is trailing along behind like a floating laundry bag. Maybe "floated around her like a whisper of magnolia"? Maybe exchange "at her compass" for "in her compass"? I just found "at her compass" jarring as I didn't quite get the picture.
On the other hand I especially loved "in an attempt to grow grace". Beautifully said. The whole piece is well done. Good work
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2020
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This flows gracefully, like the lady's walk. Nice description. One thing I would mention--not quite a suggestion--I didn't understand "at her compass". Compass as in surrounding her, like an aura? This sounds to me like her dress is trailing along behind like a floating laundry bag. Maybe "floated around her like a whisper of magnolia"? Maybe exchange "at her compass" for "in her compass"? I just found "at her compass" jarring as I didn't quite get the picture.
On the other hand I especially loved "in an attempt to grow grace". Beautifully said. The whole piece is well done. Good work
Comment Written 02-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2020
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Thank you for reading my work and for your great suggestions. I see it now...I corrected. I hope that was what you meant. There are many other details to tell, but in this post I am allowed just 102 words. Thank you for your insightful comments.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
How lovely that you wanted to imitate her grace. Age steps in and ruins everything! lol. I think we should all be allowed to say, stop, when we get to a point in life we're happy with. I enjoyed your lovely memory of this lady and her hat. Good luck in the contest. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2020
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How lovely that you wanted to imitate her grace. Age steps in and ruins everything! lol. I think we should all be allowed to say, stop, when we get to a point in life we're happy with. I enjoyed your lovely memory of this lady and her hat. Good luck in the contest. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 02-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2020
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This was a much longer story, Sandra. I reduced to 102 words been careful to maintain the flavor of it. It was the mystery lady, that was the most ingriguing...Thank you for supporting my story.
Comment from estory
This had an abstract, surreal feel to it. In the vague outline of the graceful woman, you have this figure of grace and poise, a role model, but she never quite coalesces into a solid, substantial figure. I think that speaks to the distance between role models and the people who look up to them, the difficulty in completely grasping who that person really is, through the awestruck eyes. There's a depth to this image that you have created. estory
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2020
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This had an abstract, surreal feel to it. In the vague outline of the graceful woman, you have this figure of grace and poise, a role model, but she never quite coalesces into a solid, substantial figure. I think that speaks to the distance between role models and the people who look up to them, the difficulty in completely grasping who that person really is, through the awestruck eyes. There's a depth to this image that you have created. estory
Comment Written 02-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2020
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Thank you for reading into the depth of this story...there are so many layers in between. Looking back, I always hungered for role models to follow...
Comment from Joan E.
Thank you for sharing this true story about a special person. You captured her "grace" and your desire to emulate it. Best wishes in the Flash contest and have a productive, new week- Joan
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2020
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Thank you for sharing this true story about a special person. You captured her "grace" and your desire to emulate it. Best wishes in the Flash contest and have a productive, new week- Joan
Comment Written 02-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2020
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Thank you for reading my work, dear Joan.
Comment from Melissa Russell Deur
I can imagine the woman who inspired you (the narrator). She had her own style. She walked to her own beat. She knew who she was. She didn't look to others for validation because she had her own compass.
And then she aged and was no longer the woman you'd idealized. My mother is that woman. I, too, "long for the time when she walked whole."
Where I get tripped up is your use of the word "grace." I think the lady who wore a hat is GRACEFUL, attractive, and even charming. But I don't have a sense of her compassion, mercy, or kindness. I feel you are assigning her an inward spirit based on what you observe as her outward appearance. And we know how false outward appearances can be.
I am very intrigued by your description, "Her long, blue dress floated at her compass," but I don't think you can "grow grace." I think you can work at becoming more graceful, but I think GRACE is an unmerited gift from God.
Your piece is a lovely idea of how a self-aware person can inspire others.
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2020
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I can imagine the woman who inspired you (the narrator). She had her own style. She walked to her own beat. She knew who she was. She didn't look to others for validation because she had her own compass.
And then she aged and was no longer the woman you'd idealized. My mother is that woman. I, too, "long for the time when she walked whole."
Where I get tripped up is your use of the word "grace." I think the lady who wore a hat is GRACEFUL, attractive, and even charming. But I don't have a sense of her compassion, mercy, or kindness. I feel you are assigning her an inward spirit based on what you observe as her outward appearance. And we know how false outward appearances can be.
I am very intrigued by your description, "Her long, blue dress floated at her compass," but I don't think you can "grow grace." I think you can work at becoming more graceful, but I think GRACE is an unmerited gift from God.
Your piece is a lovely idea of how a self-aware person can inspire others.
Comment Written 01-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2020
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Thank you for reading my work and capturing the essence of it, dear writer. You read so well in between those lines. Long story...much longer than those 102 words allowed. I hear you. I hear you so well...