Heart Cafted Poems - 2020
Viewing comments for Chapter 33 "A Breath of fresh air"Musings of an old man -2020
28 total reviews
Comment from HarryT
I like the intent of this poem to help us all create a better condition, however I believe it needs some tuning and correction.
1. Life's "drama's" did the writer mean drama or dramas?
2. "Freshing" no such word. Did the author mean refreshing?
3. Antecedents are confusing the author switches from first to second person--need to be consistent write in one or the other person
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2020
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I like the intent of this poem to help us all create a better condition, however I believe it needs some tuning and correction.
1. Life's "drama's" did the writer mean drama or dramas?
2. "Freshing" no such word. Did the author mean refreshing?
3. Antecedents are confusing the author switches from first to second person--need to be consistent write in one or the other person
Comment Written 10-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2020
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Considering I had only fifteen minutes in which to write and submit I breathing easily and even more so with your kind comments and suggestions - sending your high five as thanks!
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You are welcome. Those typos get me sometimes.
Comment from Sally Law
I practice this deep breathing daily and give to others in my life. If I didn't, I'd be dead by now. Focusing on the good and beauty around me is a daily must.
Sending you my best today as always, and best wishes for the free verse contest,
Sal :))
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2020
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I practice this deep breathing daily and give to others in my life. If I didn't, I'd be dead by now. Focusing on the good and beauty around me is a daily must.
Sending you my best today as always, and best wishes for the free verse contest,
Sal :))
Comment Written 10-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2020
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Sal thank you, have a splendid week.
Comment from RShipp
I think that they will soon be selling "fresh mountain top bottled air" just like they sell "fresh mountian stream bottled water". Although according to Google, they were selling bottles water in 1767.
Enojyed!
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2020
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I think that they will soon be selling "fresh mountain top bottled air" just like they sell "fresh mountian stream bottled water". Although according to Google, they were selling bottles water in 1767.
Enojyed!
Comment Written 10-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2020
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Imagine that 1767. I am so glad it was not in plastic containers back then.
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That is a bit of interesting information, I am very pleased it wasn't sold in plastic containers back in the day.
Comment from jaded831
Your poem captures today's world beautifully. I take your dare, I virtually high five you. Your poem is a breath of fresh air. All that I can say about the picture is it's interesting. The poem is the beauty of this package.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2020
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Your poem captures today's world beautifully. I take your dare, I virtually high five you. Your poem is a breath of fresh air. All that I can say about the picture is it's interesting. The poem is the beauty of this package.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2020
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Jaded, thank you and virtual high-five back, have a splendid week!
Comment from equestrik
I think this poem speaks to what most of us want. Peace and some down time from all of life's drama that we are bombarded with daily. Yes, lets be kind and uplift one another. :)
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reply by the author on 10-Aug-2020
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I think this poem speaks to what most of us want. Peace and some down time from all of life's drama that we are bombarded with daily. Yes, lets be kind and uplift one another. :)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2020
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equestik, you have a grat escape on horseback as a beginning to breathing some fresh air, I envy you this freedom.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This is such extraordinary piece of free verse I find it difficult to believe it was written in the space of fifteen minutes. The tale runs smoothly, yet is tightly crafted with a solid storyline. As a whole it is seamless.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2020
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This is such extraordinary piece of free verse I find it difficult to believe it was written in the space of fifteen minutes. The tale runs smoothly, yet is tightly crafted with a solid storyline. As a whole it is seamless.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2020
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Katherine, thank you for these six-stars on this free verse, indeed composed in indeed fifteen minutes. Have a splendid week.
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I wasn't casting aspertions on the time you took, just expressing (badly) how impressed I was by your skill
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I felt no such dispersion was intended and remain very grateful for your kind thoughts.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
I think taking a breath of fresh air these days seems to be a thing of the past as we are all wearing unhealthy masks, and yes I would like to just take a breath of fresh air, I enjoyed your joyous uplifting words here, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2020
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I think taking a breath of fresh air these days seems to be a thing of the past as we are all wearing unhealthy masks, and yes I would like to just take a breath of fresh air, I enjoyed your joyous uplifting words here, love Dolly x
Comment Written 10-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2020
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Thank you Dolly, I deeply pray this life we are dealing with will not become our new normal. Here is a virtual high five to share throughout this week.
Comment from royowen
I agree that this society needs a breath of fresh air, a really as you have so succinctly observed it's up to the members of this patchwork of humour colour, anyone can change and become the solution and the breath of fresh air, we need a collective change. Beautifully written and an exceptionally worded Free verse, well done, good luck, blessings Roy
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reply by the author on 10-Aug-2020
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I agree that this society needs a breath of fresh air, a really as you have so succinctly observed it's up to the members of this patchwork of humour colour, anyone can change and become the solution and the breath of fresh air, we need a collective change. Beautifully written and an exceptionally worded Free verse, well done, good luck, blessings Roy
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Comment Written 10-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2020
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Roy, let us pray fervently that this is not our new normal.
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Amen