Heart Cafted Poems - 2020
Viewing comments for Chapter 58 "Christmas Morn"Musings of an old man -2020
37 total reviews
Comment from Seshadri_Sreenivasan
Yes. Christmas season is the most wonderful time of the year and your good return poem help us get in the spirit, The words flow like goodwill rhyming beautifully. Merry Christmas!
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2020
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Yes. Christmas season is the most wonderful time of the year and your good return poem help us get in the spirit, The words flow like goodwill rhyming beautifully. Merry Christmas!
Comment Written 11-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2020
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Seshardi, thank you so much fir your validation!
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
Hello anon, a well written group of rhyming couplets, all true to form. A good entry to the writing prompt. I particularly like, and it is so true -
But the best to be seen were those eye popping stares
as each of the grandchildren came down the stairs. ...........Well done and good luck - warm regards Dorothy x
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2020
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Hello anon, a well written group of rhyming couplets, all true to form. A good entry to the writing prompt. I particularly like, and it is so true -
But the best to be seen were those eye popping stares
as each of the grandchildren came down the stairs. ...........Well done and good luck - warm regards Dorothy x
Comment Written 11-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2020
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Thank you for the good wishes!
Comment from Cynthia Adams1
There is a lot of love evident in your poem.
I like the image of your little granddaughter and her excitement.
You get across all the feelings very well.
The lines rhyme, as is requested in the poem, so it qualifies.
However, the meter or beat of the lines is quite choppy.
The only couplet where the beat is right-on is:
"But the best to be seen were those eye popping stares
as each of the grandchildren came down the stairs."
If you read the poem out loud, you can hear the lilting rhythm of this couplet compared to the others.
The others can be made more melodious if you take out words here and there or choose other words. It is a pain to re-work a poem, believe me, I know it.
But I don't think your poem will do great in the contest otherwise.
Blessings to you and yours this holiday season.
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reply by the author on 11-Dec-2020
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There is a lot of love evident in your poem.
I like the image of your little granddaughter and her excitement.
You get across all the feelings very well.
The lines rhyme, as is requested in the poem, so it qualifies.
However, the meter or beat of the lines is quite choppy.
The only couplet where the beat is right-on is:
"But the best to be seen were those eye popping stares
as each of the grandchildren came down the stairs."
If you read the poem out loud, you can hear the lilting rhythm of this couplet compared to the others.
The others can be made more melodious if you take out words here and there or choose other words. It is a pain to re-work a poem, believe me, I know it.
But I don't think your poem will do great in the contest otherwise.
Blessings to you and yours this holiday season.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 11-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2020
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Cynthia, thanks for honesty, I did tweak it, but your comments remind me why I should stay in my free verse space.
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I mean no offense and hope I didn't overstep.
I only know these things because I am so bad at it myself.
Fortunately for you, apparently you are good at free verse.
I'm pretty bad at that too.
Don't let my words keep you from trying rhyme.
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No offense taken. I value every opportunity to improve, I just hate to expose my underbelly of poetic weaken essence. Practice I shall.
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It is all a learning proces. I just wrote a free-verse poem and was just told in reviews that what I wrote isn't free-verse and needs a lot of work. And so it goes...the life of a writer.
Blessings to you and yours.
Comment from Saria/Shreyamsi
Amazing! this poem is so holiday-ish (did that make sense? probably not). The smooth flow and the rhyming scheme definitely adds to the poem along with the well-chosen words. Thanks for Sharing! Happy Holidays <3
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2020
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Amazing! this poem is so holiday-ish (did that make sense? probably not). The smooth flow and the rhyming scheme definitely adds to the poem along with the well-chosen words. Thanks for Sharing! Happy Holidays <3
Comment Written 11-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2020
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Thank you very much!
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My pleasure!
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Very nice artwork.
-You have written a
very good poem about
the meaning of Christmas.
-Effective imagery and rhyme
as you tell a story of your
Christmas morning.
-You show the preparations
the children have made,
and "their eye popping stares"
"as they came down the stairs."
-A very nice ending sharing with
them the true meaning of Christmas.
-A very good entry; good luck.
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2020
 |
-Very nice artwork.
-You have written a
very good poem about
the meaning of Christmas.
-Effective imagery and rhyme
as you tell a story of your
Christmas morning.
-You show the preparations
the children have made,
and "their eye popping stares"
"as they came down the stairs."
-A very nice ending sharing with
them the true meaning of Christmas.
-A very good entry; good luck.
Comment Written 11-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2020
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Pam, I am so very grateful for this six-star review. I hope that your holidays are fulled with much Joy.
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You are very welcome and deserving, and I appreciate the holiday wishes.
Comment from Joanne Gill-Maddick
Beautifully written poem for the Christmas entry. Very exciting to see the twinkles in your grandchildren's eyes I agree so priceless. Very well written. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2020
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Beautifully written poem for the Christmas entry. Very exciting to see the twinkles in your grandchildren's eyes I agree so priceless. Very well written. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 11-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2020
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Joanne, thank you for the good wishes.
Comment from robyn corum
Dear Grandpa,
I love the images you have shared in this sweet poem. The love and pride is evident in every single word~ I can see it all - and couldn't help but think what lucky kids. Thanks and good luck!
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2020
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Dear Grandpa,
I love the images you have shared in this sweet poem. The love and pride is evident in every single word~ I can see it all - and couldn't help but think what lucky kids. Thanks and good luck!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 11-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2020
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Robyn, thank you very much for the time you spent to read and comment on this poem.