Genius in Love
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Genius in Love (Scene 1)"In Search of a Soul
40 total reviews
Comment from Erika Seshadri
Brilliant. And six stars for the character names alone, lol. Not to mention the rest of it, which is the most entertaining script I've read on FanStory. In fact, when I first realized it was a script, I almost clicked "skip it," but then I saw who wrote it, so thought I'd give it a try. I was not disappointed. Well worth the read!!
Cheers.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
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Brilliant. And six stars for the character names alone, lol. Not to mention the rest of it, which is the most entertaining script I've read on FanStory. In fact, when I first realized it was a script, I almost clicked "skip it," but then I saw who wrote it, so thought I'd give it a try. I was not disappointed. Well worth the read!!
Cheers.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
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Erika, your lovely review has made my day! I'm so happy--stoked, really--that you enjoyed my play so much. It's had a rather luke-warm response so far. Everyone was kind, but no one as effusive as you were about the play's value. Thank you sooooo much!
Comment from royowen
I thought you did a great job with this, it speaks of your high intellect, and greater detail than most writers of scripts. I suspect you know more about autism than you reveal, we have friends who have two autistic kids, but those kids can move reasonably well socially, and are incredibly gifted. As you are. The fifties were an interestingly naive time, Elaine and were musing about how ignorant, and yet the young today will judge the people of yesteryear so negatively. Unforgivingly so, this is an "Enlightened" era, but overly self righteous one. Beautifully written Jay, blessings Roy
Typo : When little was know(n) about...
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
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I thought you did a great job with this, it speaks of your high intellect, and greater detail than most writers of scripts. I suspect you know more about autism than you reveal, we have friends who have two autistic kids, but those kids can move reasonably well socially, and are incredibly gifted. As you are. The fifties were an interestingly naive time, Elaine and were musing about how ignorant, and yet the young today will judge the people of yesteryear so negatively. Unforgivingly so, this is an "Enlightened" era, but overly self righteous one. Beautifully written Jay, blessings Roy
Typo : When little was know(n) about...
Comment Written 29-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
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Roy, bless you for your kindness in your comments. I remember the barbaric ways we treated the "different" people in the 50s. I actually remembered (this was the 6th grade) a boy who stayed apart from the other kids and traced the infinity symbol in the air with a twig. We all treated him unmercifully. I'm sure he was institutionalized after our treatment. I really appreciate your kind words, Roy. I don't really think I'll continue on with the play format. I don't possess the skills to bring out the best in my characters.
I fixed the "know". Thank you for pointing it out.
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Well done Jay
Comment from BethShelby
This is an interesting screen play but just a little confusing. When he first saw Cililla he spoke out loud to her and the everyone heard him speak. Since nothing was said when they got up and danced, I assume this happened in his head rather than where anyone saw him. I'm not sure how the teacher knew he was seeing things no one else saw. When I was eight in the grade in the fifties I don't know of anything that went on below girls desks that might have intrigued the teacher since our skirts were long. I did have a very sleazy eighth grade teacher though. I look forward to more. I do wonder what inspired this. It very creative but would be hard to pull off as a play.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
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This is an interesting screen play but just a little confusing. When he first saw Cililla he spoke out loud to her and the everyone heard him speak. Since nothing was said when they got up and danced, I assume this happened in his head rather than where anyone saw him. I'm not sure how the teacher knew he was seeing things no one else saw. When I was eight in the grade in the fifties I don't know of anything that went on below girls desks that might have intrigued the teacher since our skirts were long. I did have a very sleazy eighth grade teacher though. I look forward to more. I do wonder what inspired this. It very creative but would be hard to pull off as a play.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
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Too ambitious I'm afraid, and out of my element, Beth. I'm not even sure it will go on in this format. Thank you for being kind to me.
Comment from damommy
Thank goodness, times have changed for autistic children. Cillila has come to Cornelius to be his guide through life. Mr. Hiney is definitely a creep and bears watching. How does he know Cornelius sees things? I know you'll tell us later.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
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Thank goodness, times have changed for autistic children. Cillila has come to Cornelius to be his guide through life. Mr. Hiney is definitely a creep and bears watching. How does he know Cornelius sees things? I know you'll tell us later.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
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Not at all happy with this scene. I'm not even sure I'll continue on with it, at least in the play format. Thank you for being so kind, however, Yvonne.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I enjoyed reading you skit. I had to laugh at the students giggling at breast. "But" is a high frequency word in first grade and every time it's said, I get giggles. I attempt to tell them it's not that kind of but and is spelled differently. First grades don't agree. LOL
each one of you sits at your deskâ??--â??it will be a Friday morning (I see Evil Eddie played a game with your post.)
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
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I enjoyed reading you skit. I had to laugh at the students giggling at breast. "But" is a high frequency word in first grade and every time it's said, I get giggles. I attempt to tell them it's not that kind of but and is spelled differently. First grades don't agree. LOL
each one of you sits at your deskâ??--â??it will be a Friday morning (I see Evil Eddie played a game with your post.)
Comment Written 29-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
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I'll fix this right away, Barbara. I thought I caught all of them.
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
SSSSSStunning. Jay--You seem to be a master at the craft--I am astounded to read your disclaimer in notes. This is surely an original concept--I believe it would--and hope it will be proved to!-- work brilliantly in performance. Cheerssssss. LIZ
sugg: given Mr. Hiney's vantage point as regards the students' desks facing his, change his name to Mr. Twatt.
indiscrete=>indiscreet (in this context)
Though a figment of the imagination cannot tip over a glass, I think the audience will happily suspend disbelief and delight in the whimsical touch.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
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SSSSSStunning. Jay--You seem to be a master at the craft--I am astounded to read your disclaimer in notes. This is surely an original concept--I believe it would--and hope it will be proved to!-- work brilliantly in performance. Cheerssssss. LIZ
sugg: given Mr. Hiney's vantage point as regards the students' desks facing his, change his name to Mr. Twatt.
indiscrete=>indiscreet (in this context)
Though a figment of the imagination cannot tip over a glass, I think the audience will happily suspend disbelief and delight in the whimsical touch.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
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First of all, thank you for the lovely sixer. I'm certainly no master of the playwrighting craft. In fact, I'm so disappointed this that I may jettison the whole kit 'n caboodle. Again, thank you .. and also for catching the subtle vocabulary error. I do know the difference, believe it or not.
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I knew it was a typo--just wanted you to know that I knew there was a homonym!
Comment from Ulla
Hi Jay, it all starts out very well, and then I get a little bit, lost. Well, what I think is that you're writing this in two different dimensions. I found a couple of things:
when little was know about autism,= when little was known about autism
Thirty-five days remain until that day when each one of you sits at your deskâ??--â?? = Not quite sure what you want to convey here.
That Mr Hiney is creepy is a certainty. Well written. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
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Hi Jay, it all starts out very well, and then I get a little bit, lost. Well, what I think is that you're writing this in two different dimensions. I found a couple of things:
when little was know about autism,= when little was known about autism
Thirty-five days remain until that day when each one of you sits at your deskâ??--â?? = Not quite sure what you want to convey here.
That Mr Hiney is creepy is a certainty. Well written. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 29-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
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I'm gonna fix that editing error right now. [Done!]Thanks for calling it to my attention. I thought I had found all of them. Also the one in the Character listings. [Also Done!] Also that gibberish caused by the Fanstory editnazi (Fanstory doesn't like dashes). [Done!]
Thank you, Ulla, for your generosity and kind words. I'm not sure this play warrants putting more work into. I think I should stick with what I do better.
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Well, what can I say. I love your prose writing which you are so very good at. :)))
Comment from lancellot
It's pretty good, Jay. The editor did get you with its crap, but you can get that out. Also, and I think you see per your notes. You have a lot of exposition that goes beyond stage direction. That is fine in a story and belongs there but not in a script, where the acting relays that to the audience. You have enough of it, where it blurs the line between story and script.
Have you ever watched "The Fairly OddParents"
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
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It's pretty good, Jay. The editor did get you with its crap, but you can get that out. Also, and I think you see per your notes. You have a lot of exposition that goes beyond stage direction. That is fine in a story and belongs there but not in a script, where the acting relays that to the audience. You have enough of it, where it blurs the line between story and script.
Have you ever watched "The Fairly OddParents"
Comment Written 29-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
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No, I've not watched "The Fairly OddParents." Thank you for your kindness and guidance. I think I'm going to leave playwrighting to the experts. And you head the list here on FanStory. There is a huge learning curve for formatting and I don't think I'm up to learning it.
Thanks for not dunning me for my neglect, friend!
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I'm glad you are going to make this into a series, the script is excellent. My grandson is borderline autistic and dyslexic, but, my word, he is so intelligent. He goes to special school now. Thank goodness times have changed this young Cornelius's time. I enjoyed listening in to Cililla's chat with Cornelius. She really is the boss, at the moment. And I wonder how Mr Hiney knows he can see things others can't. We shall find out in time, I'm sure! Well done, Jay. This was really well done. :)) Sandra xx
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reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
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I'm glad you are going to make this into a series, the script is excellent. My grandson is borderline autistic and dyslexic, but, my word, he is so intelligent. He goes to special school now. Thank goodness times have changed this young Cornelius's time. I enjoyed listening in to Cililla's chat with Cornelius. She really is the boss, at the moment. And I wonder how Mr Hiney knows he can see things others can't. We shall find out in time, I'm sure! Well done, Jay. This was really well done. :)) Sandra xx
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Comment Written 29-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
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Thank you, Sandra. Don't expect another act any time soon, though. I realize my deficiencies. There are some excellent playwrights here. I'll leave the kudos to them.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Interesting offering for the play section:) a musical genius tormented by its teacher. The only thing I would like to point out is this little monkey business that you will need to fix, of course if it was not intentional:"il summer break. Thirty-five days remain until that day when each one of you sits at your deskâ??--â??it will be a Friday morning" Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next scene.
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reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
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Interesting offering for the play section:) a musical genius tormented by its teacher. The only thing I would like to point out is this little monkey business that you will need to fix, of course if it was not intentional:"il summer break. Thirty-five days remain until that day when each one of you sits at your deskâ??--â??it will be a Friday morning" Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next scene.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
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I fixed the glitch you pointed out, Iza. Thank you. Actually, I think the play has stalled after the first act. Playwrighting is not my forte. I'll stick with what I do best.