The Visit
Two young children visit their mother37 total reviews
Comment from LJbutterfly
You did an excellent job with this short story. It has suspense, because the reader doesn't know where the mother is, or where the children are going. The dialogue is authentic, and you included a surprising twist at the end. Best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2022
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You did an excellent job with this short story. It has suspense, because the reader doesn't know where the mother is, or where the children are going. The dialogue is authentic, and you included a surprising twist at the end. Best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 26-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2022
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Thank you!
Comment from lancellot
Very interesting short story. I'm sure it will touch many voters hearts and pull on them strings.
notes:
"Are we going to see mommy?" {Asked Leah.}
-asked Leah.
The children walked past huge red rose bushes leading to {Logan's} goal.
- their
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2022
|
Very interesting short story. I'm sure it will touch many voters hearts and pull on them strings.
notes:
"Are we going to see mommy?" {Asked Leah.}
-asked Leah.
The children walked past huge red rose bushes leading to {Logan's} goal.
- their
Comment Written 26-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2022
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Thank you!
Comment from jessizero
This was such a sad story. It was nice and well-written, though. It ended on just the right note. Thank you for choosing to share this here. Best wishes to you.
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2022
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This was such a sad story. It was nice and well-written, though. It ended on just the right note. Thank you for choosing to share this here. Best wishes to you.
Comment Written 26-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2022
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Thank you!
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Your contest entry reads well with an unexpected
twist at the end. However, it works well, Mystery
Author. Your words are well thought out to condense
this to 100 words.
Best wishes in the contest.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2022
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Your contest entry reads well with an unexpected
twist at the end. However, it works well, Mystery
Author. Your words are well thought out to condense
this to 100 words.
Best wishes in the contest.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 26-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2022
-
Thank you!
Comment from Michele Harber
Having taken that walk with my sister many times (but as adults, not children), I knew exactly where this was heading. Nice job of misleading readers who haven't walked that path, with details making it sound as though the children are walking towards their mother in a hospital yard or on the grounds of a nursing facility. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2022
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Having taken that walk with my sister many times (but as adults, not children), I knew exactly where this was heading. Nice job of misleading readers who haven't walked that path, with details making it sound as though the children are walking towards their mother in a hospital yard or on the grounds of a nursing facility. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 26-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2022
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Thank you!
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You're very welcome!
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You're very welcome!
Comment from Paul McFarland
Very nicely done. There is mystery right up until the end, and then you end it with a good twist. The last sentence really puts the finishing touch to this story.
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2022
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Very nicely done. There is mystery right up until the end, and then you end it with a good twist. The last sentence really puts the finishing touch to this story.
Comment Written 26-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2022
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Thank you!
Comment from LisaMay
Anticipation of a warm reunion turns to poignant sorrow at a mother's death instead. Mother obviously enjoyed gardening or had an appreciation of nature and her spot sounds beautiful.
Correction:
"She over there." ("She's over there.")
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2022
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Anticipation of a warm reunion turns to poignant sorrow at a mother's death instead. Mother obviously enjoyed gardening or had an appreciation of nature and her spot sounds beautiful.
Correction:
"She over there." ("She's over there.")
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 26-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2022
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Thank you!