Writings From the Heart
Viewing comments for Chapter 13 "old cowboys"A book of Poetry & Writing
65 total reviews
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
This is such a melancholy piece,
Gary, but so true-to-life in
many ways. I've seen it happen
with many couples over the years.
There needs to be a lot of give
and take from both sides of the
partnership.
by a decade(,) her life
The teaching from our fathers that carry us this far
The heartaches we must carry to make it day by day - rather than use "carry" in both these lines, might I suggest..
The heartaches we must bear to make it day by day - just ignore if not in agreement.
Well penned, my friend.
Margaret.
reply by the author on 13-May-2010
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This is such a melancholy piece,
Gary, but so true-to-life in
many ways. I've seen it happen
with many couples over the years.
There needs to be a lot of give
and take from both sides of the
partnership.
by a decade(,) her life
The teaching from our fathers that carry us this far
The heartaches we must carry to make it day by day - rather than use "carry" in both these lines, might I suggest..
The heartaches we must bear to make it day by day - just ignore if not in agreement.
Well penned, my friend.
Margaret.
Comment Written 13-May-2010
reply by the author on 13-May-2010
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thank you for the comments Margaret and for reading i will be making change thanks Gary
Comment from Deejharrington
A wonderful tribute to a way of life that is disappearing. And its a good question, what happens to cowboys when hes too old to do the job? All the regrets come to mind when we all make choices for our true loves.
deb
reply by the author on 13-May-2010
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A wonderful tribute to a way of life that is disappearing. And its a good question, what happens to cowboys when hes too old to do the job? All the regrets come to mind when we all make choices for our true loves.
deb
Comment Written 13-May-2010
reply by the author on 13-May-2010
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thanks for reading D J
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you're welcome
deb
Comment from harleyangelbrat
This is really beautiful in a sad way. It is expressive and descriptive which makes for an excellent read. I really enjoyed reading this very much. It is obvious that it came from the heart and soul. Great poem! God bless you!
reply by the author on 13-May-2010
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This is really beautiful in a sad way. It is expressive and descriptive which makes for an excellent read. I really enjoyed reading this very much. It is obvious that it came from the heart and soul. Great poem! God bless you!
Comment Written 13-May-2010
reply by the author on 13-May-2010
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thank you for reading
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You are very welcome. Have a blessed day. Marilyn
Comment from Juliette Chamberlain
A nostalgic look at a relationship which seems to have been going in different directions.
'The love from that woman...' Suggest: 'The love of that woman...' More conventional, and possibly more grammatically correct.
There is a problem with rhyme in the third verse - with a little work this could be eliminated.
'Rich houses and the finer side were not in his domain,
Between the working days and late, late nights her life was so insane.
From different worlds, they tried to bridge a gap so wide and sad,
A logical man, his simple life, the ranch was all he had.
I admit that this also needs tweeking but the poem is worth working on.
I am awarding five stars because I can see the heart behind this write, and the desire to 'say it all.'
Juliette
reply by the author on 13-May-2010
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A nostalgic look at a relationship which seems to have been going in different directions.
'The love from that woman...' Suggest: 'The love of that woman...' More conventional, and possibly more grammatically correct.
There is a problem with rhyme in the third verse - with a little work this could be eliminated.
'Rich houses and the finer side were not in his domain,
Between the working days and late, late nights her life was so insane.
From different worlds, they tried to bridge a gap so wide and sad,
A logical man, his simple life, the ranch was all he had.
I admit that this also needs tweeking but the poem is worth working on.
I am awarding five stars because I can see the heart behind this write, and the desire to 'say it all.'
Juliette
Comment Written 13-May-2010
reply by the author on 13-May-2010
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thanks you for the comments Juliette
Comment from Judith Ann
You told a story in a poem and you did it very nicely. It is a sad ending to this tale, but it sounds like it was inevitable. The repeated stanza really adds punch to this piece. I love it. -Judy
reply by the author on 13-May-2010
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You told a story in a poem and you did it very nicely. It is a sad ending to this tale, but it sounds like it was inevitable. The repeated stanza really adds punch to this piece. I love it. -Judy
Comment Written 13-May-2010
reply by the author on 13-May-2010
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thank you judy
Comment from Judian James
One more "verse" and this would be a great country-western song DW. For those of us who are not cowboys, there is such romance to the range. I'm sure, however, it's very hard work. Great lament, well done, make it a song!
reply by the author on 13-May-2010
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One more "verse" and this would be a great country-western song DW. For those of us who are not cowboys, there is such romance to the range. I'm sure, however, it's very hard work. Great lament, well done, make it a song!
Comment Written 13-May-2010
reply by the author on 13-May-2010
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thank you for reading
Comment from percival86jack
Such a sad recounting of too souls on different paths! A way of life so engrained, impossible to change! Very sad... cheers, Jack
reply by the author on 13-May-2010
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Such a sad recounting of too souls on different paths! A way of life so engrained, impossible to change! Very sad... cheers, Jack
Comment Written 13-May-2010
reply by the author on 13-May-2010
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thanks for reading Jack
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written with good form, good flow, good meter, i like the picture you put with it, it is sad that she could not get past the expectations she had and left the cowboy behind
reply by the author on 13-May-2010
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this is very well written with good form, good flow, good meter, i like the picture you put with it, it is sad that she could not get past the expectations she had and left the cowboy behind
Comment Written 13-May-2010
reply by the author on 13-May-2010
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thank you sweet for reading
Comment from Amicus
This is a poignant ballad, deepwater. The rhythm and rhyme scheme are apt and consistent and the sentiment conveyed smart and moving. I enjoyed the read and think the third stanza is especially good.
reply by the author on 13-May-2010
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This is a poignant ballad, deepwater. The rhythm and rhyme scheme are apt and consistent and the sentiment conveyed smart and moving. I enjoyed the read and think the third stanza is especially good.
Comment Written 13-May-2010
reply by the author on 13-May-2010
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thanks for reading Amicus
Comment from amada
An insightful work, very powerful, to know about the life of a cowboy. "The love from that woman, he lost along the way." "Both tried to close that gap in life but came from different worlds."
reply by the author on 13-May-2010
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An insightful work, very powerful, to know about the life of a cowboy. "The love from that woman, he lost along the way." "Both tried to close that gap in life but came from different worlds."
Comment Written 13-May-2010
reply by the author on 13-May-2010
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thanks for reading amada