Another Pretty Face
Viewing comments for Chapter 13 "Chapter 5; part two"Can love survive small town gossip?
74 total reviews
Comment from anabelle
Lovely chapter, Barbara, and I'm thrilled to see you back at the writing.
Nothing to comment on negatively. Great chapter, and all's perfect as usual.
Take care of yourself.
Regards, anabelle
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2010
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Lovely chapter, Barbara, and I'm thrilled to see you back at the writing.
Nothing to comment on negatively. Great chapter, and all's perfect as usual.
Take care of yourself.
Regards, anabelle
Comment Written 30-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
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You're very welcome. How are things?
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I am keeping busy so I am not sitting around worring. My next surgery is the 16th only a few weeks away. I wish my energy level would rise, that's the worse so far.
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You are very courageous. I hope you are surrounded by friends and family?
Comment from AprilShower
Hi Barbara,
I enjoyed reading this chapter, but for some reason these two sentences below seem to clash. If she knew, why would she ask? Maybe it should be written. ("I am wondering if you kissed Mom goodnight after the dance, too.") Then the second statement would seem more logical.
"I knew you kissed Mom goodnight after the dance." Cassie stood in the doorway and smiled.
"Did you really kiss my mom goodnight?"
April
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2010
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Hi Barbara,
I enjoyed reading this chapter, but for some reason these two sentences below seem to clash. If she knew, why would she ask? Maybe it should be written. ("I am wondering if you kissed Mom goodnight after the dance, too.") Then the second statement would seem more logical.
"I knew you kissed Mom goodnight after the dance." Cassie stood in the doorway and smiled.
"Did you really kiss my mom goodnight?"
April
Comment Written 30-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2010
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I will recheck that sentence. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from marym224
Hi, Barbara - my first contact with you. I enjoyed this extract which was made very easy to read and understand by your choice of words. I like the phrase "He used his finger to brush the top of her nose," - a tender move that paints an evocative impression of Joe's personality.
Look forward to reading more. Regards, Mary
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2010
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Hi, Barbara - my first contact with you. I enjoyed this extract which was made very easy to read and understand by your choice of words. I like the phrase "He used his finger to brush the top of her nose," - a tender move that paints an evocative impression of Joe's personality.
Look forward to reading more. Regards, Mary
Comment Written 30-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from animatqua
I can clearly see Joe and Cassie becoming closer. This is a nice touch to the relationship between Joe and Sara.
My thoughts are with you as you face this difficult physical time.
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2010
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I can clearly see Joe and Cassie becoming closer. This is a nice touch to the relationship between Joe and Sara.
My thoughts are with you as you face this difficult physical time.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi Barbara,
The characters you are painting come through well, Joe is turning out to be a real gent and some of the folk around this fictional tomw seem to be real jerks.
I didn't spot any nots to pick on. I hope your recovery continues well.
Patrick
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2010
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Hi Barbara,
The characters you are painting come through well, Joe is turning out to be a real gent and some of the folk around this fictional tomw seem to be real jerks.
I didn't spot any nots to pick on. I hope your recovery continues well.
Patrick
Comment Written 30-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from thebyers21
This is a very well written addition to your book which I'm sure is great as well as long as you stay true to form. This is a story for all readers and I plan to follow up.
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2010
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This is a very well written addition to your book which I'm sure is great as well as long as you stay true to form. This is a story for all readers and I plan to follow up.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Begin Again
Barbara,
Think something is brewing and Cassie's headed for trouble...Hope Joe is still there to save her. Love the innocence that surrounds Joe and Sara.
Hope you are doing well and managing okay until your next surgery. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Smiles, Carol
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2010
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Barbara,
Think something is brewing and Cassie's headed for trouble...Hope Joe is still there to save her. Love the innocence that surrounds Joe and Sara.
Hope you are doing well and managing okay until your next surgery. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Smiles, Carol
Comment Written 30-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2010
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Thank you for your prayers. I appreciate your continued support and kind review.
Comment from bookishfabler
As usual, a very good chapter. You have the reader love the characters a great deal.
He pointed to the top number, "my cell," he pointed to the second number, "and work number("m not sure if the rule breaks in this case, but since it's not a sppeech tag, it may be capital letters in this one. I had done the opposite, where I used whipered, and a small letter in the middle of the sentences, but was told sevral times to use a capital. So, I'm not toally sure you're wrong. It's all so confusing.)
Smiling, he put his arms around her and drew her closer, preparing to kiss her.
Have fun." Joe turned toward Sara, put his arms around her, and pulled her closer. "It's just us old people, now"
You just said this exact line earlier. How about he hugged her.
hugs book
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2010
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As usual, a very good chapter. You have the reader love the characters a great deal.
He pointed to the top number, "my cell," he pointed to the second number, "and work number("m not sure if the rule breaks in this case, but since it's not a sppeech tag, it may be capital letters in this one. I had done the opposite, where I used whipered, and a small letter in the middle of the sentences, but was told sevral times to use a capital. So, I'm not toally sure you're wrong. It's all so confusing.)
Smiling, he put his arms around her and drew her closer, preparing to kiss her.
Have fun." Joe turned toward Sara, put his arms around her, and pulled her closer. "It's just us old people, now"
You just said this exact line earlier. How about he hugged her.
hugs book
Comment Written 30-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2010
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Sounds good to me. I will make that change. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from dmjones
A really good chapter. I like how Joe is showing Cassie how much he cares about Sara and her. It shows more of Joe's character.
Just a suggestion: This is the only part that didn't read smooth for me. "Mom, can I be excused from the table? I need to check something on the computer." Cassie eyed the computer.
I'm thinking Cassie eyed the computer. should be after the dialogue of ...excused from the table. but before I need to check something... or dropped altogether. We know from the dialogue she wants to check the computer so I'm not sure it's necessary. or keep it and drop from the dialogue and leave it as I need to check something. See what you think.
I need to check something on the computer." Cassie eyed the computer.
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2010
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A really good chapter. I like how Joe is showing Cassie how much he cares about Sara and her. It shows more of Joe's character.
Just a suggestion: This is the only part that didn't read smooth for me. "Mom, can I be excused from the table? I need to check something on the computer." Cassie eyed the computer.
I'm thinking Cassie eyed the computer. should be after the dialogue of ...excused from the table. but before I need to check something... or dropped altogether. We know from the dialogue she wants to check the computer so I'm not sure it's necessary. or keep it and drop from the dialogue and leave it as I need to check something. See what you think.
I need to check something on the computer." Cassie eyed the computer.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2010
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Thank you for your kind review and I will make the change.
Comment from Ted T
Hi Barbara :)
Glad to see you back at it.
The story's moving along "slowly" but that's the way you want to pace it and that's you're call.
Joe's confrontation with the boy is a bit much, but -- it's your book.
Good luck
Ted
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2010
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Hi Barbara :)
Glad to see you back at it.
The story's moving along "slowly" but that's the way you want to pace it and that's you're call.
Joe's confrontation with the boy is a bit much, but -- it's your book.
Good luck
Ted
Comment Written 30-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2010
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I have had people tell me that Joe's confrontation should be stronger. I have had two people including you, that thought it was too strong. I think I will leave it alone. Thank you for your review.
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Hi :)
Like I said, "It's your book." There's no SPAG issue so if you like it the way it is, leave it. You can drive yourself nuts trying to please everybody.
Ted
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I agree. I will leave it alone unless an editor says something needs to be changed.
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Good girl -- get tough :)
Ted