Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Part One of Chapter 1"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
117 total reviews
Comment from Michelle S
This is a good first chapter. You introduce the characters well and pull the reader into the story. I look forward to following along. Well done!
Michelle
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2011
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This is a good first chapter. You introduce the characters well and pull the reader into the story. I look forward to following along. Well done!
Michelle
Comment Written 10-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2011
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Thank you for our kind review.
Comment from triantic
I was intrigued from the beginning all the way to the last paragraph. The first paragraph had me wondering why is she trying to find a dark corner to read a book on divorce? What is going on in her marriage?
Through the next few paragraphs you answered each of my questions.
Your writing style is crisp, clear, and includes a little hint of mystery.
I cannot wait to read your next posting.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2011
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I was intrigued from the beginning all the way to the last paragraph. The first paragraph had me wondering why is she trying to find a dark corner to read a book on divorce? What is going on in her marriage?
Through the next few paragraphs you answered each of my questions.
Your writing style is crisp, clear, and includes a little hint of mystery.
I cannot wait to read your next posting.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2011
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I don't understand if you can't wait for my next posting and you were intrigued from the beginning to the end why you gave me only two stars. Your review reads like 5 stars. I don't know what to correct to received five stars from you.
Comment from Fireshadow
Well, Barbara, this is another well crafted narrative from your brilliant mind. Excellent descriptive details and characterization, and credible dialogue. My blood pressure peaked when reading how abusively Bobby treats Anna - and how she allows him to do so. Great write, my friend.
Ama
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2011
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Well, Barbara, this is another well crafted narrative from your brilliant mind. Excellent descriptive details and characterization, and credible dialogue. My blood pressure peaked when reading how abusively Bobby treats Anna - and how she allows him to do so. Great write, my friend.
Ama
Comment Written 09-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2011
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Many women allow this abuse to on for years. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from me_tudor
Barbara, this is an awesome chapter. I can't wait to read the next one. This is a difficult subject and too real for too many women but it sounds like your story will have a happy ending. Keep up the good work. M.E.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2011
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Barbara, this is an awesome chapter. I can't wait to read the next one. This is a difficult subject and too real for too many women but it sounds like your story will have a happy ending. Keep up the good work. M.E.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.
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You're welcome
Comment from Jonez08
Great seeing a new book up with a very tough story line. It has the potential to go in so many directions, although the abusive husband has been written many times, I look forward to seeing how you put your own personal stamp on it. Although this is a first chapter, I would have liked a better image of characters, even the baby. What's his hair color, is he chubby with rolls and a double chin or thin
There's fifteen minutes left of my lunch break. I should be able to finish this chapter.
--I'm not sure why in most of your writings, every chapter has several first person narration for thoughts when it can be easily done in third person. I've seen it occasionally in professional writing, but never this frequently.
set the diaper bag and her purse on the cement as she shifted her six-month(-)old son to her right hip
She curled up on the floor beside the crib and pushed her right arm between a slat, rubbing Michael's back. Anna soon fell into a restless sleep.
--nice showing her love for her child and isolation from her husband.
Cassandra
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2011
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Great seeing a new book up with a very tough story line. It has the potential to go in so many directions, although the abusive husband has been written many times, I look forward to seeing how you put your own personal stamp on it. Although this is a first chapter, I would have liked a better image of characters, even the baby. What's his hair color, is he chubby with rolls and a double chin or thin
There's fifteen minutes left of my lunch break. I should be able to finish this chapter.
--I'm not sure why in most of your writings, every chapter has several first person narration for thoughts when it can be easily done in third person. I've seen it occasionally in professional writing, but never this frequently.
set the diaper bag and her purse on the cement as she shifted her six-month(-)old son to her right hip
She curled up on the floor beside the crib and pushed her right arm between a slat, rubbing Michael's back. Anna soon fell into a restless sleep.
--nice showing her love for her child and isolation from her husband.
Cassandra
Comment Written 09-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2011
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Cassandra, this is actually only the first 5 pages of the first chapter. That's why I divide them into parts. I will go into more detail during the second and possibly third five pages.
Comment from Auroraboreal800
I'm so please to read you again my dear and talented friend.
First off all, I loved this chapter with excellent dialogues and a superb narrative style as well. Letīs pray that Anna and troy have a chance for happiness...
God bless you!
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2011
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I'm so please to read you again my dear and talented friend.
First off all, I loved this chapter with excellent dialogues and a superb narrative style as well. Letīs pray that Anna and troy have a chance for happiness...
God bless you!
Comment Written 09-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2011
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We shall see as the story developes if Anna and Troy have a chance. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from DecrepitOldBag
Barbara, this is just great, particularly as you have stepped way out of your comfort zone. I love the interaction of the characters. It's not generally my genre, but I think I will continue to read, if only to see how it goes.
Hope you're doing all right?
Hugs
Kat
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2011
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Barbara, this is just great, particularly as you have stepped way out of your comfort zone. I love the interaction of the characters. It's not generally my genre, but I think I will continue to read, if only to see how it goes.
Hope you're doing all right?
Hugs
Kat
Comment Written 09-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2011
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I am doing as well as can be expected. Thank you for asking and your kind review.
Comment from misscookie
You are doing a wonderful job.
The story will truly touch many women who's life is as bad or worst.
I'm sure you will leave a message within this story to help some one.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2011
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You are doing a wonderful job.
The story will truly touch many women who's life is as bad or worst.
I'm sure you will leave a message within this story to help some one.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.
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Your very welcome.take care.
Comment from Gary D. Hardy
Well..........Your doing a wonderful job so far. This appears to be well developed with crisp well developing characters. Thorny subject matter. But you present it well. I'll be looking forward to the following chapters.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2011
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Well..........Your doing a wonderful job so far. This appears to be well developed with crisp well developing characters. Thorny subject matter. But you present it well. I'll be looking forward to the following chapters.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.
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My pleasure!!
Comment from shy1250
It's easy to see why this earned you two ribbons. You captured perfectly the soul-weariness of a loveless, bullying excuse for a marriage (yes, I have experience!) I saw no errors and see nothing to suggest. Other than I hope you have a happy ending in mind. So many in life are sad, our literary escapes should end as we would give our souls for our lives' challenges to be situated. shy
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2011
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It's easy to see why this earned you two ribbons. You captured perfectly the soul-weariness of a loveless, bullying excuse for a marriage (yes, I have experience!) I saw no errors and see nothing to suggest. Other than I hope you have a happy ending in mind. So many in life are sad, our literary escapes should end as we would give our souls for our lives' challenges to be situated. shy
Comment Written 08-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2011
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This novel will end up being a true romance, so it will have the required happy ending, but there will be many twists and turns to get there. Thank you for your kind review.