Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 40 "Part one, Chapter 13"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
76 total reviews
Comment from meg2
Very nice beginning to this chapter. A very sensitive subject as I think I have said before. I have two comments
"At the park the couple found" as I was reading this it sounds almost too formal since we know who the couple is.
2nd. "Why we here?" "did you mean "why are we here?" The other sounds out of character for the rest of your dialog.
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2011
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Very nice beginning to this chapter. A very sensitive subject as I think I have said before. I have two comments
"At the park the couple found" as I was reading this it sounds almost too formal since we know who the couple is.
2nd. "Why we here?" "did you mean "why are we here?" The other sounds out of character for the rest of your dialog.
Comment Written 13-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2011
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I didn't want to use their names again, so used the couple. I will think about that. I know there needs to an 'are' there, but I was thinking in dialogue we rarely use the are. I better rethink that one too. Thank you.
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I wasn't thinking about you using their names again just maybe saying something like "they." With the are it seems to change her speech pattern. Hope this helps. Either way it is a good story.
Comment from Dave M
Barbara,
This is an excellent chapter. I especially liked the romantic, peaceful interlude in the city park. Wonder what Troy has in mind and if Anna will have another crisis in her heart.
I couldn't find anything to criticize.
Dave
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2011
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Barbara,
This is an excellent chapter. I especially liked the romantic, peaceful interlude in the city park. Wonder what Troy has in mind and if Anna will have another crisis in her heart.
I couldn't find anything to criticize.
Dave
Comment Written 13-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2011
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Thank you for the kind review and support.
Comment from Mariea
Good morning Barbara. Another well written chapter. Character portrayal and dialogue still consistent and without clutter. Looking for the next one.
Para starting 'Troy parked' - insert 'are' after 'Why'
Hugs Mia
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2011
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Good morning Barbara. Another well written chapter. Character portrayal and dialogue still consistent and without clutter. Looking for the next one.
Para starting 'Troy parked' - insert 'are' after 'Why'
Hugs Mia
Comment Written 13-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
Most enjoyable, Barbara..
Anna sounds much more relaxed
with all the court case behind
her, and her divorce dealt with.
I wonder what Troy's surprise is.
past week[.](,) I need - a run-on sentence
you this once.(")
Margaret
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2011
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Most enjoyable, Barbara..
Anna sounds much more relaxed
with all the court case behind
her, and her divorce dealt with.
I wonder what Troy's surprise is.
past week[.](,) I need - a run-on sentence
you this once.(")
Margaret
Comment Written 13-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2011
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Thank you for your eagle eye and continued support.
Comment from gypsynet
this page finds itsekf in a relaxed mood for a breather... crisp, charming dialogue fills the page with a little change of mood when anna confronts her doubts.. appropriate setting that compliments good phrasing and imagery.. nice write!
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2011
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this page finds itsekf in a relaxed mood for a breather... crisp, charming dialogue fills the page with a little change of mood when anna confronts her doubts.. appropriate setting that compliments good phrasing and imagery.. nice write!
Comment Written 13-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Misrael
I found that story very good and very interesting and I liked the story linen I hope that there will be more to come on the future. Good job.
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2011
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I found that story very good and very interesting and I liked the story linen I hope that there will be more to come on the future. Good job.
Comment Written 13-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Charmane
The heart is sometimes seen as a lonely hunter, and it is up to us to protect the heart and our feelings. Second chances sometimes does not work because we are too busy watching out for what happened yesterday. As a result, we may hamper love, while trying to avoid making the same old mistakes.
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2011
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The heart is sometimes seen as a lonely hunter, and it is up to us to protect the heart and our feelings. Second chances sometimes does not work because we are too busy watching out for what happened yesterday. As a result, we may hamper love, while trying to avoid making the same old mistakes.
Comment Written 13-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from MS Writer
You have left us in suspense again. What's going on? Hope you don't keep us waiting too long. As usual great characters, dialogue, and interesting stories. This is a subject that should be written about more often.
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2011
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You have left us in suspense again. What's going on? Hope you don't keep us waiting too long. As usual great characters, dialogue, and interesting stories. This is a subject that should be written about more often.
Comment Written 13-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Excellent work once again. I can see the strength started to build and the inner need for Anna to feel safe is still strong. Loved the sense of opening for these two characters, how they will grow.
Well done loved the work and had great flow and imagery through out.
Great to read. Thanks for sharing.
Maureen
Edit check:
"Troy parked outside an older four-story red brick building. Anna stared at it through the windshield. "Why we here?" Anna stepped from the open car door." // why are we here?..., not sure if a word was missing, didn't seem to flow for me.
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2011
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Excellent work once again. I can see the strength started to build and the inner need for Anna to feel safe is still strong. Loved the sense of opening for these two characters, how they will grow.
Well done loved the work and had great flow and imagery through out.
Great to read. Thanks for sharing.
Maureen
Edit check:
"Troy parked outside an older four-story red brick building. Anna stared at it through the windshield. "Why we here?" Anna stepped from the open car door." // why are we here?..., not sure if a word was missing, didn't seem to flow for me.
Comment Written 13-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2011
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I have wondered about that one. I know for proper English the are should be there, but in dialogue, I know very few people who say,'why are we here' it's usually 'why we here' I will think about it. Thank you for your kind review.
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Oh I see what you mean.....just when I was reading it kept tripping me....I'd go back a bit and read it again...same effect....
Great chapter write my friend!!
Hugs
Maureen
Comment from wiljacro
HI!barbara. So, new chapter, new mystery? The intrigue begins once more. I find that, if the start of a chapter grabs one's attention immediately and sets the imagination working on what they think may be a possible outcome, then this, for me, is the test of a good story.I'm already wondering just what Anna is letting herself in for this time! More, Soon, PLEASE! wiljacro.
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2011
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HI!barbara. So, new chapter, new mystery? The intrigue begins once more. I find that, if the start of a chapter grabs one's attention immediately and sets the imagination working on what they think may be a possible outcome, then this, for me, is the test of a good story.I'm already wondering just what Anna is letting herself in for this time! More, Soon, PLEASE! wiljacro.
Comment Written 13-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.