Travelling to Nowhere
When your only option is no option at all63 total reviews
Comment from MumEsGirl
Gut wrenching. Head spinner. Brilliant work, so realisitc with vivid descriptions that let the reader feel the terror and the pain.
Dont thing it makes for good bedtime reading though
kate
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2012
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Gut wrenching. Head spinner. Brilliant work, so realisitc with vivid descriptions that let the reader feel the terror and the pain.
Dont thing it makes for good bedtime reading though
kate
Comment Written 10-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2012
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Hi Kate. No, definitely not bedtime reading! I finished this on the train home from work, which felt very weird! Thanks so much for the awesome review. I really appreciate it.
Mike
Comment from c_lucas
WOW! This is a journey through Hell with no relief in sight. There is a Cache22 here. Very well written with very good imagery and descriptive scheme.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2012
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WOW! This is a journey through Hell with no relief in sight. There is a Cache22 here. Very well written with very good imagery and descriptive scheme.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2012
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Thank you, Charlie. This was difficult to write in places, butbit definitely came out the way I envisioned it. Thanks for tye awesome review and rating, it's very much appreciated.
Mike
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You're welcome, Mike. Charlie
Comment from TammyGail
Fuck me running Mike.. God damn it really..
Whew.. Well you sure did a number on my mind
I'm sure you fucked with your own in the process
Sheer horror indeed not once but several times
You scare with the mind, something I enjoy doing
Because indeed it is the scariest thing. Broken indeed
With such thoughts kissing your mind over and over again
And some ass fuckers on top of that, wtf looking for what their
Girl friend won't do. Broken flesh or broken mind either way
I do believe I would have hopped right in front of that train as well a quick death insured better than that shit.
Son of a bitch when you said you were pumping yourself up for this contest you weren't playing. Excellent work Mike if you would have broken this up I would have screamed and maybe even paced like a raged beast at the overwhelming thoughts of what happens next. Whew I will be sure to have bear mace in hands instead out loafing around in my purse like always.
Thanks for the read and good luck in the contest sweetie
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2012
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Fuck me running Mike.. God damn it really..
Whew.. Well you sure did a number on my mind
I'm sure you fucked with your own in the process
Sheer horror indeed not once but several times
You scare with the mind, something I enjoy doing
Because indeed it is the scariest thing. Broken indeed
With such thoughts kissing your mind over and over again
And some ass fuckers on top of that, wtf looking for what their
Girl friend won't do. Broken flesh or broken mind either way
I do believe I would have hopped right in front of that train as well a quick death insured better than that shit.
Son of a bitch when you said you were pumping yourself up for this contest you weren't playing. Excellent work Mike if you would have broken this up I would have screamed and maybe even paced like a raged beast at the overwhelming thoughts of what happens next. Whew I will be sure to have bear mace in hands instead out loafing around in my purse like always.
Thanks for the read and good luck in the contest sweetie
Comment Written 10-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2012
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Thank you, Tammy! This was a bit difficult to write, but I knew it had to be properly nasty in order to work. I actually had the core idea a while back when there was a contest about time travel, but I didn't get to it at the time. In the nicest possible way, I'm glad I freaked you out :-). I think I'll have to write something a bit different next, though!
Thanks so much for the awesome review :-).
Mike
Comment from Cindy Warren
It's horror worthy of Stephen King. I'm glad I'm not reading it at bedtime. I can't imagine being on that train. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2012
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It's horror worthy of Stephen King. I'm glad I'm not reading it at bedtime. I can't imagine being on that train. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2012
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Thank you, Cindy. What a great compliment! I'll be writing something a bit less nasty next, I think.
Mike
Comment from Rahul@ISM_India
A bit long but worth it,your have really done a great work
Nice use of elements of surprise,it thrilled me,Nice imagery
My best wishes
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2012
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A bit long but worth it,your have really done a great work
Nice use of elements of surprise,it thrilled me,Nice imagery
My best wishes
Comment Written 10-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2012
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Thanks, Rahul. I really appreciate it.
Mike
Comment from ScarletClearwater
Yeah, thanks for promoting this one so high. I needed it. It was indeed a very suspenseful read. Your use of descriptives makes for a gripping read as well. Nice job with the dialogue as well. Dynamic piece!
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2012
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Yeah, thanks for promoting this one so high. I needed it. It was indeed a very suspenseful read. Your use of descriptives makes for a gripping read as well. Nice job with the dialogue as well. Dynamic piece!
Comment Written 10-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2012
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Thank you, Scarlet. I'm so glad the action came across strongly.
Mike
Comment from WadUK
Wow! It may have been long but it held my attention all the way through. Good, good, good.
Yes, you did put me on edge as well. I loved the description of he reactions of your fellow travelers too. Been there on that last train out of London heading for the provinces slightly the worse for drink.
You are right splitting it would have been a big mistake.
I don't normally do SPA as I hate it when it's done to me but when the first conversation takes place I think the word is disdain not distain. Did I say I thought this was good?
Brilliant would be a better description.
Pat (WadUK)
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2012
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Wow! It may have been long but it held my attention all the way through. Good, good, good.
Yes, you did put me on edge as well. I loved the description of he reactions of your fellow travelers too. Been there on that last train out of London heading for the provinces slightly the worse for drink.
You are right splitting it would have been a big mistake.
I don't normally do SPA as I hate it when it's done to me but when the first conversation takes place I think the word is disdain not distain. Did I say I thought this was good?
Brilliant would be a better description.
Pat (WadUK)
Comment Written 10-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2012
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Thanks so much, Pat. I really appreciate that. You've caught me out on one of my spag nemeses. I'm forever writing distain instead of disdain. Thanks for the catch.
I think one of the scariest elements of modern city life is how little everyone cares.
Mike
Comment from peggles
This was horrifying and so expertly written
You held my full attention right to the end
a true story of horror and full of suspense
a terrific write from your fertile imagination
You have certainly succeed in the fright class
Best of luck in the contest
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2012
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This was horrifying and so expertly written
You held my full attention right to the end
a true story of horror and full of suspense
a terrific write from your fertile imagination
You have certainly succeed in the fright class
Best of luck in the contest
Comment Written 10-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2012
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Thank you, Peggles :-). This took me a while to get done, because it had to be right, otherwise it's just horrible for no reason! I'm glad it came across well in the end.
Mike
Comment from Herb
Well that was certainly fucked up. At first I was just grossed out and thought, It was just going to be a rape thing and that's that, HOW SILLY.
Extremely well written and horrifying throughout.
Suggestions, To lighten the mood for a second, instead of the metal bar as a weapon, have your man pull a 'no heavy petting' sign from the wall as a weapon, don't know why that occurred to me.
I would also have him wake up on the train again at the end.
Great fucking story mate, and from someone who's won the Horror Comp, I'd say this story kicks my story's ('Fingernails') arse.
BTW, Why the numbers, makes them completely devoid of any human, compassion? Its not inches, is it? Giving then a number seems that there just doing their job? And one of them with no number, the devil?
I was aliitle confused with the diary, was his confession before this torment or after. Is he being punished for killing, or is it the killing of his punisher he's confessing about?
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2012
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Well that was certainly fucked up. At first I was just grossed out and thought, It was just going to be a rape thing and that's that, HOW SILLY.
Extremely well written and horrifying throughout.
Suggestions, To lighten the mood for a second, instead of the metal bar as a weapon, have your man pull a 'no heavy petting' sign from the wall as a weapon, don't know why that occurred to me.
I would also have him wake up on the train again at the end.
Great fucking story mate, and from someone who's won the Horror Comp, I'd say this story kicks my story's ('Fingernails') arse.
BTW, Why the numbers, makes them completely devoid of any human, compassion? Its not inches, is it? Giving then a number seems that there just doing their job? And one of them with no number, the devil?
I was aliitle confused with the diary, was his confession before this torment or after. Is he being punished for killing, or is it the killing of his punisher he's confessing about?
Comment Written 10-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2012
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Thanks for the awesome review, Herb! Lol, I love the idea of the no petting sign - that's some very English humour/irony. Mind you, I've tried to avoid any hint of levity in this one, which is difficult for me as I usually can't resist humour.
The numbers were initially just meant to make them faceless, although it's funny you should mention inches, ahem! It's possibly some sort of heirarchy statement or threat level. Mainly I put them there as a placeholder device, in case they came in useful later in the story.
Maybe it's the time he dies ... 10:57 pm. Ten, Five, Seven, and Death. The four horsemen of the train station apocalypse.
I'll have a look at the diary bit. It's meant to sit where it does chronologically. He's run out of ideas for plans of action, so he writes with little hope of it finding any eyes.
Ah well, I'd better get back to work!
Thanks again, mate.
Mike
Comment from N.K. Wagner
That was a tough one, Mike. You've conveyed the horror of the assault and the horror of the anticipation and repetition. It was like getting stuck in a dream loop, and who knows how much was reality? Excellent work. :) Nancy
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2012
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That was a tough one, Mike. You've conveyed the horror of the assault and the horror of the anticipation and repetition. It was like getting stuck in a dream loop, and who knows how much was reality? Excellent work. :) Nancy
Comment Written 10-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2012
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Thank you, Nancy :-). I do love exploring that line between perception and reality, and whether there is actually a difference. I'm glad the themes came across well. Thanks for such a great review!
Mike