Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 55 "Part two, Chapter 17"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
62 total reviews
Comment from Chris Tee
This is another absolutely excellent pert that you have written here for us old sport. Well done indeed with this splendid work here ma'am.
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2012
  |
This is another absolutely excellent pert that you have written here for us old sport. Well done indeed with this splendid work here ma'am.
Comment Written 05-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2012
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
hi, barbar:
Hope this finds you doing well. I still have a bit of an
uneasy feeling about this homeless Vietnam veteran.He
just seems a bit too close for comfort. I'm sure Everett
will be scoping him out.
thanks for sharing
love,
jan
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2012
|
hi, barbar:
Hope this finds you doing well. I still have a bit of an
uneasy feeling about this homeless Vietnam veteran.He
just seems a bit too close for comfort. I'm sure Everett
will be scoping him out.
thanks for sharing
love,
jan
Comment Written 04-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2012
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Dave M
Barbara,
Those men sound like perfect louts, and they would hang out together. I enjoyed this read and have a couple of suggestions:
"It was a souped up 1968 dodge charger [Dodge Charger]."
"He didn't come over as often, but I think the three of them went out drinking on weekends, but I'm not positive." I'd break this sentence in two: "He didn't come over as often. I think the three of them went out drinking on weekends, but I'm not positive."
Dave
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2012
|
Barbara,
Those men sound like perfect louts, and they would hang out together. I enjoyed this read and have a couple of suggestions:
"It was a souped up 1968 dodge charger [Dodge Charger]."
"He didn't come over as often, but I think the three of them went out drinking on weekends, but I'm not positive." I'd break this sentence in two: "He didn't come over as often. I think the three of them went out drinking on weekends, but I'm not positive."
Dave
Comment Written 04-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2012
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from bhogg
Barbara - I've told you before that I'm on this site to learn. A prime reason I'm a fan of yours. You drive a story better than anyone else on site. Looking at this post, which is dominated by dialog, I'm amazed at your skills. I only wish I could write as well. Always warm regards, Bill
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2012
 |
Barbara - I've told you before that I'm on this site to learn. A prime reason I'm a fan of yours. You drive a story better than anyone else on site. Looking at this post, which is dominated by dialog, I'm amazed at your skills. I only wish I could write as well. Always warm regards, Bill
Comment Written 04-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2012
-
Thank you for the kind review and your encouraging words.
Comment from Rama Rao
Excellent.
The chapter keeps the reader hooked on and asking for more.
Write on, and contact your agent/publisher soon. These chapters would convince him the book would sell well. Wish you good luck.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2012
|
Excellent.
The chapter keeps the reader hooked on and asking for more.
Write on, and contact your agent/publisher soon. These chapters would convince him the book would sell well. Wish you good luck.
Comment Written 04-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2012
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from AprilShower
They are mostly talking about her ex-husband's friends who are apparently dangerous. They run out of time and she takes her lunch with her. She had a lunch prepared also for a homeless vet.
There's something wrong with the sentence below. Maybe you forgot to take a word out when editing.
She and handed them to Troy.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2012
|
They are mostly talking about her ex-husband's friends who are apparently dangerous. They run out of time and she takes her lunch with her. She had a lunch prepared also for a homeless vet.
There's something wrong with the sentence below. Maybe you forgot to take a word out when editing.
She and handed them to Troy.
Comment Written 04-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2012
-
Thank you for catching that. I took care of it. I appreciate your eagle eye.
-
You're welcome, Barbara.
Comment from judiverse
It sounds like some nasty characters have their sights set on Anna. She's still staying strong for all the trouble she's had to endure from her ex. Even when you think someone safely put away in prison, is he really? The dialogue was good in this and Everett seems to be making progress on the case. A nice way of ending this post with Anna thinking of something to take to the homeless guy. Happy to see another post form you, gal. judi
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2012
|
It sounds like some nasty characters have their sights set on Anna. She's still staying strong for all the trouble she's had to endure from her ex. Even when you think someone safely put away in prison, is he really? The dialogue was good in this and Everett seems to be making progress on the case. A nice way of ending this post with Anna thinking of something to take to the homeless guy. Happy to see another post form you, gal. judi
Comment Written 04-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2012
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Cumbrianlass
HA! I knew it was Sam. Wow, this is one bad dude we have here. It's good that she could give so much information to Everett. Good scene setting, Barbara. The chapter flows well - very realistic. I love how Troy is protective of Anna. What a sweetie.
every other words was a curse word. - every other word
He didn't come over as often, but I think the three of them went out drinking on weekends, but I'm not positive." Wondered if you could lose one 'but' here? You could put a period after 'often' then start the new sentence with: I think the three of them etc etc. Might flow a little better. Just a suggestion - no biggie, though.
Hugs, Av.
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2012
|
HA! I knew it was Sam. Wow, this is one bad dude we have here. It's good that she could give so much information to Everett. Good scene setting, Barbara. The chapter flows well - very realistic. I love how Troy is protective of Anna. What a sweetie.
every other words was a curse word. - every other word
He didn't come over as often, but I think the three of them went out drinking on weekends, but I'm not positive." Wondered if you could lose one 'but' here? You could put a period after 'often' then start the new sentence with: I think the three of them etc etc. Might flow a little better. Just a suggestion - no biggie, though.
Hugs, Av.
Comment Written 04-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2012
Barbara - I've told you before that I'm on this site to learn. A prime reason I'm a fan of yours. You drive a story better than anyone else on site. Looking at this post, which is dominated by dialog, I'm amazed at your skills. I only wish I could write as well. Always warm regards, Bill
Comment Written 04-Mar-2012 by bhogg
Comment from boberto
Hi there:
I haven't visited you for a spell--hope you are fine. Have a couple comments fur ya.
"His language was filthy, every other words " Word vice words.
"but I think the three of them went out drinking on weekends, but I'm not positive."
Don't need two buts (ones enough, right? ) Could start the sentence with "I."
"Everett took a bite of cheeseburger" 'His cheeseburger, Maybe.
"The waitress brought the bill and a sack. She and handed them to Troy." 'and' after 'She' not needed.
Could use semicolon here. The waitress brought the bill and a sack: she handed both to Tony.
Educate me please--what's a "PL?"
Only suggestions, Barb.
Take care,
boberto
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2012
|
Hi there:
I haven't visited you for a spell--hope you are fine. Have a couple comments fur ya.
"His language was filthy, every other words " Word vice words.
"but I think the three of them went out drinking on weekends, but I'm not positive."
Don't need two buts (ones enough, right? ) Could start the sentence with "I."
"Everett took a bite of cheeseburger" 'His cheeseburger, Maybe.
"The waitress brought the bill and a sack. She and handed them to Troy." 'and' after 'She' not needed.
Could use semicolon here. The waitress brought the bill and a sack: she handed both to Tony.
Educate me please--what's a "PL?"
Only suggestions, Barb.
Take care,
boberto
Comment Written 04-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2012
-
Sorry about the tardiness of the reply. I wanted time to make the corrections. I appreciate your eagle eye.
-
No problem. Glad I helped.
Comment from purrfect tale
Her ex certainly ran around with a bunch of creeps. Good introduction to this bad guy. It really added a sense of tension to the story.
Notes:
souped up 1968 (D)odge (C)harger
He always came on weekends(,)
She and handed them to Troy. ???
afraid you'll get hungry this afternoon(?)
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2012
|
Her ex certainly ran around with a bunch of creeps. Good introduction to this bad guy. It really added a sense of tension to the story.
Notes:
souped up 1968 (D)odge (C)harger
He always came on weekends(,)
She and handed them to Troy. ???
afraid you'll get hungry this afternoon(?)
Comment Written 04-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2012
-
Sorry about the tardiness of the reply. I wanted time to make the corrections. I appreciate your eagle eye.
-
No problem. I've been fighting the flu so haven't been around much myself this week.
-
Sorry to hear it. My allergies have been giving me trouble all week. Tues I had to take my youngest, he's 19, to the DR because of the flu. He'd been vomiting and diarreha since Friday. I thought it had hung on too long.