Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 71 "part two, Chapter 21"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
75 total reviews
Comment from RazberryBullet
I'm amazed that Anna was able to dredge up all the horror Bobby did to her.
Like this line: "You need to get some rest. I'll lay beside you and be your dream catcher." :)
Well done!
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2012
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I'm amazed that Anna was able to dredge up all the horror Bobby did to her.
Like this line: "You need to get some rest. I'll lay beside you and be your dream catcher." :)
Well done!
Comment Written 18-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2012
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Thank yolu for the kind review.
Comment from G.B. Smith
Hello there again Barbara
Once again you paint such lovely pictures with your words. I can feel the frustration Anna is going through trying to remember and fill in the pieces. Troy said, ""You need to get some rest. I'll lay beside you and be your dream catcher."
Such strong love emotions
Bear
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2012
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Hello there again Barbara
Once again you paint such lovely pictures with your words. I can feel the frustration Anna is going through trying to remember and fill in the pieces. Troy said, ""You need to get some rest. I'll lay beside you and be your dream catcher."
Such strong love emotions
Bear
Comment Written 18-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from MizKat
Barbara - The second half of the chapter is as good as the first part. I enjoyed learning that Anna was starting to regain her memory. Kat
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2012
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Barbara - The second half of the chapter is as good as the first part. I enjoyed learning that Anna was starting to regain her memory. Kat
Comment Written 18-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Mary Ann MCPhedran
Wow what an ending I really enjoyed this story and you have kept my interest in your script. A good chapter with imagery and romance. Thanks for sharing
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2012
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Wow what an ending I really enjoyed this story and you have kept my interest in your script. A good chapter with imagery and romance. Thanks for sharing
Comment Written 18-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2012
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from elgone
Anna recalls the events through a nightmare, triggered by visiting her apartment where it all happened. Very well written with realistic dialogue and an all to real subject
E
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2012
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Anna recalls the events through a nightmare, triggered by visiting her apartment where it all happened. Very well written with realistic dialogue and an all to real subject
E
Comment Written 18-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2012
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Thank you for your kind review. I have a few more things to wrap up then I'm done.
Comment from rtobaygo
EXCELLENT WORD FLOW, DIALOGUE, SCENE SET UP, NARRATIVE, COMBINED WITH A GREAT BALANCE BETWEEN SHOWING AND TELLING. YOUR IMAGERY AND THE CONFLICT PLACED IN THE PROTAGONIST'S LIFE GIVES THIS CHAPTER A CERTAIN FLAIR. WELL DONE
TAKE CARE,
RAY
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2012
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EXCELLENT WORD FLOW, DIALOGUE, SCENE SET UP, NARRATIVE, COMBINED WITH A GREAT BALANCE BETWEEN SHOWING AND TELLING. YOUR IMAGERY AND THE CONFLICT PLACED IN THE PROTAGONIST'S LIFE GIVES THIS CHAPTER A CERTAIN FLAIR. WELL DONE
TAKE CARE,
RAY
Comment Written 18-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2012
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THANK YOU FOR YOUR KIND REVIEW AND THE ENCOURAGING WORDS.
Comment from Solacium Mariae
You write exceedingly well. A compelling chapter. I haven't read the others, so perhaps I need to...because I am wondering about how Troy is a stranger when Anna seems to know him already so well.
But regardless, I did have a few notes. Yours is in italics.
When she glanced away, she saw a broken lamp setting on a table.
I looked up set and its uses, and this phrasing still throws me off. A lamp can't set itself on a table. I know the phrase is attributive, so it's not as though you're implying that in anyway, but it still doesn't read right for me. Can you explain its use like this in a way that makes sense? (since looking it up didn't really help too much)
Her tear filled eyes met his, as she asked, "Bobby's out of jail, isn't he? Who did he hurt?"
tear-filled
"I've talked with the apartment manager and he's Okayed some changes I'd like to make to your security system. I'll discuss them with you later. There's no need to rush things."
I'm assuming an accidental capital on okayed?
She nodded. "I need to figure out what's real and what isn't?"
Why is this a question?
Excellent job; I'll have to go back and read the others as well.
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2012
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You write exceedingly well. A compelling chapter. I haven't read the others, so perhaps I need to...because I am wondering about how Troy is a stranger when Anna seems to know him already so well.
But regardless, I did have a few notes. Yours is in italics.
When she glanced away, she saw a broken lamp setting on a table.
I looked up set and its uses, and this phrasing still throws me off. A lamp can't set itself on a table. I know the phrase is attributive, so it's not as though you're implying that in anyway, but it still doesn't read right for me. Can you explain its use like this in a way that makes sense? (since looking it up didn't really help too much)
Her tear filled eyes met his, as she asked, "Bobby's out of jail, isn't he? Who did he hurt?"
tear-filled
"I've talked with the apartment manager and he's Okayed some changes I'd like to make to your security system. I'll discuss them with you later. There's no need to rush things."
I'm assuming an accidental capital on okayed?
She nodded. "I need to figure out what's real and what isn't?"
Why is this a question?
Excellent job; I'll have to go back and read the others as well.
Comment Written 18-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2012
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I just looked it up myself and I am going to change it to sitting. My computed kept capitalizing okayed. Thank you for your eagle eye.
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ok, well that makes sense to me too. Thanks for the note back!
Comment from gramalot8
Barbara, good chapter. It will feel good to finally have some of her memories coming to the surface, face them and then happily move on with no more fear of Bobby. And, as always, there's the wonderful Troy offering his help. Love it.
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2012
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Barbara, good chapter. It will feel good to finally have some of her memories coming to the surface, face them and then happily move on with no more fear of Bobby. And, as always, there's the wonderful Troy offering his help. Love it.
Comment Written 18-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi Barbara,
So she's finally remembered everything. That's a good step forward, now, of course, she has to come to terms with the terror.
Good chapter, it brings things nicely in line for the closure when you get there. Of course, you've still got Bobby's relatives to dispose of ...
Patrick
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2012
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Hi Barbara,
So she's finally remembered everything. That's a good step forward, now, of course, she has to come to terms with the terror.
Good chapter, it brings things nicely in line for the closure when you get there. Of course, you've still got Bobby's relatives to dispose of ...
Patrick
Comment Written 18-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2012
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Thank you for the kind review. Yes, I still have some things to wrap up.
Comment from N.K. Wagner
I was beginning to wonder if anyone was going to tell Anna what happened. Glad she finally remembered. Now, if she can avoid anyone out to revenge Bobby.... Great post, parbara! :) Nancy
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2012
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I was beginning to wonder if anyone was going to tell Anna what happened. Glad she finally remembered. Now, if she can avoid anyone out to revenge Bobby.... Great post, parbara! :) Nancy
Comment Written 18-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2012
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Thank you for the kind review. I think Anna maybe healing, but I still some things to wrap up.