Life, Love, and Other Disasters
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "Come, Woodsman"A collection of poems on these themes
95 total reviews
Comment from Terra Dane
Nice play on a hard life fought with gifts given, shelter provided, struggles overcome. Come, Woodsman.... As I read this I thought of a dear horse that I must let go of this coming week--his body and eyes say "It's time." Perhaps to go for the deeper core that you have checked into here, it is not necessary to say, "swing you axe."
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2012
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Nice play on a hard life fought with gifts given, shelter provided, struggles overcome. Come, Woodsman.... As I read this I thought of a dear horse that I must let go of this coming week--his body and eyes say "It's time." Perhaps to go for the deeper core that you have checked into here, it is not necessary to say, "swing you axe."
Comment Written 07-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2012
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Thank you - you are one of the few to appreciate the sentiment at the end of the poem that sometimes it is better if life comes to an end.
Steve
Comment from Heaven Bound
Very nicely done. Well thought out and smoothly flowing. My only comment is that, for me, breaking after each 4th line would make it easier to follow. Congrats on the recognitions.
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2012
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Very nicely done. Well thought out and smoothly flowing. My only comment is that, for me, breaking after each 4th line would make it easier to follow. Congrats on the recognitions.
Comment Written 07-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2012
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Thank you - I used to break a sonnet like that but I've been told off by the experts that Shakespeare wrote a sonnet as one stanza...
Steve
Comment from closetpoetjester
A stunning tribute to your dad in the form of a living breathing sapling turned tree...loved the metaphors throughout describing a gentle soul, but a strong and determined one and a fine example of a parent. Provider, protector, nurturer. I was saddened by the end...but I think I understand the urging on of the woodman...unfortunately quality of life, far outweighs quantity as I am sure those gnarled branches would have attested. Wish I had a sixer but I don't, I'm out.
Just a small nit Stevo...
"From life's harsh blows you sheltered those o'erthrown"
This line felt really clunky towards the end from "sheltered" onwards...
I think in this line you could either omit "those": and leave "overthrown" in full:
eg.
"From life's harsh blows you sheltered overthrown"
or replace sheltered with a one syllable word so you can keep "those" and also use "overthrown" in its full capacity.
ie:
"From life's harsh blows you'd shroud those overthrown"??
not sure "shroud" is the right word but I think you see what I mean.
Just my thoughts. This WAS a real tongue twister to scan so I ask that you just run my suggestion by your ear.
Your call though. Solid stuff and nice iambics...you have an ear for the Sonnet my friend. Your Dad would be proud I am sure.
Cheers closet
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2012
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A stunning tribute to your dad in the form of a living breathing sapling turned tree...loved the metaphors throughout describing a gentle soul, but a strong and determined one and a fine example of a parent. Provider, protector, nurturer. I was saddened by the end...but I think I understand the urging on of the woodman...unfortunately quality of life, far outweighs quantity as I am sure those gnarled branches would have attested. Wish I had a sixer but I don't, I'm out.
Just a small nit Stevo...
"From life's harsh blows you sheltered those o'erthrown"
This line felt really clunky towards the end from "sheltered" onwards...
I think in this line you could either omit "those": and leave "overthrown" in full:
eg.
"From life's harsh blows you sheltered overthrown"
or replace sheltered with a one syllable word so you can keep "those" and also use "overthrown" in its full capacity.
ie:
"From life's harsh blows you'd shroud those overthrown"??
not sure "shroud" is the right word but I think you see what I mean.
Just my thoughts. This WAS a real tongue twister to scan so I ask that you just run my suggestion by your ear.
Your call though. Solid stuff and nice iambics...you have an ear for the Sonnet my friend. Your Dad would be proud I am sure.
Cheers closet
Comment Written 07-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2012
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Thank you - I'll take another look at that line.
Moi, a writer of sonnets? Too much like hard work when I can churn out a rollicking rhyme and metre funny story in a matter of minutes!
Haven't seen you around for a while... If you are still in touch with Carol (Pix) can you sa 'Hi' from me. She is missed on here.
Steve
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Sure.
x
Comment from Peter Mansson
What a wonderful tribute to your father. The life of a tree metaphor used here was exceptional. There are so many vivid phrases that exquisitely chart the path from sapling to hollowed trunk. I thought the last line was so respectful by using the revered Woodsman when it was time for harvest(v the grim reaper). Brilliant!
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2012
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What a wonderful tribute to your father. The life of a tree metaphor used here was exceptional. There are so many vivid phrases that exquisitely chart the path from sapling to hollowed trunk. I thought the last line was so respectful by using the revered Woodsman when it was time for harvest(v the grim reaper). Brilliant!
Comment Written 07-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2012
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Thank you, Peter. I appreciate the thoughtful review. You are one of the few to zero in on the last line - nearly always a clincher in good poetry...
Steve
Comment from ~Vincent Phelps~
I like this poem because it explains the life cycle of a tree & the what they actually have to endure. I say they, because they are not inanimate object, like many believe. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2012
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I like this poem because it explains the life cycle of a tree & the what they actually have to endure. I say they, because they are not inanimate object, like many believe. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 07-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2012
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Vincent, thank you for your kind words. I appreciate your review.
Steve
Comment from Carole Rosa
Kiwisteveh, Wow, This poem provides mental penetration into the mind of the reader. You have written an extremely touching poem while using the tree as a metaphor. Great job. Carole
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2012
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Kiwisteveh, Wow, This poem provides mental penetration into the mind of the reader. You have written an extremely touching poem while using the tree as a metaphor. Great job. Carole
Comment Written 07-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2012
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Carole, thank you for your kind words. I appreciate your review.
Steve
Comment from Patti R.
A dignified ending to a dignified man. This is a lovely tribute - full of caring and compassion. The metaphor is beautiful, thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2012
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A dignified ending to a dignified man. This is a lovely tribute - full of caring and compassion. The metaphor is beautiful, thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 07-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2012
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Patti, thank you for your kind words. I appreciate your review.
Steve
Comment from jackpeg
So gald I had a sixer for this one. Excellent, Kwis. Couldn't be excellenter. (Don't use that adjective in any of your poems). You really get into the tree's psychy. The last couplet is teriffic.
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2012
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So gald I had a sixer for this one. Excellent, Kwis. Couldn't be excellenter. (Don't use that adjective in any of your poems). You really get into the tree's psychy. The last couplet is teriffic.
Comment Written 07-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2012
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Thank you for that. I tried and tried till I thought it couldn't get any betterer. Now there's a word I think I did use in a poem once...
Steve
Comment from Mary.Clark51
Its time Its time, very strong wording indeed, this is a well thoughtout tribute saying a lot about te parent and the child. I want to thank you for sharing. M
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2012
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Its time Its time, very strong wording indeed, this is a well thoughtout tribute saying a lot about te parent and the child. I want to thank you for sharing. M
Comment Written 07-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2012
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May, thank you for your kind words. I appreciate your review.
Steve
Comment from Eliza M
This is such a beautifully written piece. I love the imagery, with the tree reflecting your father's life. Its really very touching. I read it several times , there was so much to enjoy about it. A skilfully crafted delight!
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2012
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This is such a beautifully written piece. I love the imagery, with the tree reflecting your father's life. Its really very touching. I read it several times , there was so much to enjoy about it. A skilfully crafted delight!
Comment Written 07-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2012
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Thank you so much - glad you enjoyed.
Steve