On top of the world
The view changes at the top35 total reviews
Comment from Dawn Munro
E Gad, you don't make it easy on a reviewer, do you? I swear, I keep saying this - what do you want me to do when there is nothing to critique, make something up? I see only a stellar plot with lots of 'plot action' (sweet, romantic action too), great dialogue (natural) terrific narrative voice, wonderful pacing, great description - an overall fine write!
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2012
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E Gad, you don't make it easy on a reviewer, do you? I swear, I keep saying this - what do you want me to do when there is nothing to critique, make something up? I see only a stellar plot with lots of 'plot action' (sweet, romantic action too), great dialogue (natural) terrific narrative voice, wonderful pacing, great description - an overall fine write!
Comment Written 02-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2012
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Thank you. I liked this story when I wrote it last year, but held on to it. Thanks for making me glad I put it out there.
Comment from EMB
This has to be THE best short story involving love that I've ever read. No kidding. And I've read a lot. Your delivery of the pertinent information was doled out with the timing of a master comedian. And, you know me. I think stories are at their best when they have both surprises and emotion of any kind. Forget fancy wording, colorful phrases, and deep anecdotes (which all have their place), soliciting an emotion while surprising readers is what I call topnotch writing.
This piece is an example of what I try to do every time I put pen to paper. Damn good story, my friend.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
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This has to be THE best short story involving love that I've ever read. No kidding. And I've read a lot. Your delivery of the pertinent information was doled out with the timing of a master comedian. And, you know me. I think stories are at their best when they have both surprises and emotion of any kind. Forget fancy wording, colorful phrases, and deep anecdotes (which all have their place), soliciting an emotion while surprising readers is what I call topnotch writing.
This piece is an example of what I try to do every time I put pen to paper. Damn good story, my friend.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
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Well, coming from you these six stars mean a whole lot more. Thank you for the kind review. I really enjoy your work as well. You seem to have a way of putting a depth into your characters that not many people do. That is a gift. Thank you again.
Comment from BethShelby
I see I've already read this one. I didn't realized I knew you back in 2012. I enjoyed it again.
This is a very romantic little love story. It is really special when best friends discover there is love there as well. The Ferris Wheel was a nice touch. My husband is deathly afraid of them. The first time the two of us ever rode one. He started with his arm around be but the bar slipped and made a noise and he let go of me and held on for dear life. I still tease him about it. I enjoyed your story.
Cay grabbed her sleeve and led her (Cary)
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
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I see I've already read this one. I didn't realized I knew you back in 2012. I enjoyed it again.
This is a very romantic little love story. It is really special when best friends discover there is love there as well. The Ferris Wheel was a nice touch. My husband is deathly afraid of them. The first time the two of us ever rode one. He started with his arm around be but the bar slipped and made a noise and he let go of me and held on for dear life. I still tease him about it. I enjoyed your story.
Cay grabbed her sleeve and led her (Cary)
Comment Written 31-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
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I'm not crazy about Ferris wheels either but it has more to do with the redundancy of the pattern, kind of like NASCAR, going around and around. Thank you for the great review.
Comment from writesinsonnets
This is a great story, I love the plot, I had to go back and reread it.............I enjoyed it so much. I have one or two suggestions down...scroll to see.....but over all, this is a really neat write.
"Hard to believe the amusement park is closing," Maggie said. She couldn't remember a summer going by when she and her best friend, Cary, didn't make their annual pilgrimage here.
Cay grabbed her sleeve and led her to the ancient Ferris wheel. "One last time," he said.
Maggie knew he hated it. Everyone knew he hated it. The Ferris wheel was her favorite ride and his least favorite. She would describe how everything looked while they waited at the top. He would sit beside her, white knuckles wrapped around the safety bar, eyes shut tight.
The old man looked at them as they approached. He'd been running the ride for as long as either could remember.
I'm not sure, but I think this should be a new paragraph.
"Stillman," the old man said to Cary. "Time to face your fears."
Without a word, Cary nodded and sat down next to Maggie. As usual he wrapped his hands tightly around the bar.
Maggie reached over and patted his arm. "Are you going to let go this time?"
"Not a chance."
"At least open your eyes."
Cary shook his head, and soft brown waves bounced slightly. She could tell by the set of his jaw that he wasn't even considering it.
"Thirty-four years old and still afraid of a child's ride," Maggie teased. But that was Cary. He never pretended to be something that he wasn't.
They had been friends since grade school and best friends since the start of high school. He knew her strengths and her weaknesses. Cary had been through every relationship she'd ever had. There at the beginnings, then right on down to the usual bitter endings. He was her best friend and her shoulder to cry on. Despite being easy on the eyes, he was still just Cary.
The ride took them to the top. She looked around waiting for the descent when it stopped. She glanced at Cary, noting the tiny beads of sweat that dotted his brow. "Don't panic," she said calmly.
He nodded.
She looked around. It was beautiful from up here. The lights that were strung around the park below were magical looking. "For goodness sake, Cary, open your eyes."
One blue eye fluttered open, then the other.
"This is nice," she sighed. "It's like being on top of the world. I wish this wasn't our last night here."
Cary cut his eyes to look at her. "Could be our best night ever." His look was undecipherable. "I told the guy to stop us at the top."
"You asked to be stopped?"
Cary nodded, then ran a finger around the collar of his t-shirt. "I told him I wanted a few minutes alone with you up here."
"Why?"
"Because you love it up here. Because it's just us. Maggie, I'm not afraid of this ride. I was always afraid you'd see what a fraud I was."
"Cary, I'm not following you."
"Maggie, I love you. I'm in love with you. I've always been in love with you."
"But you never said anything."
"I know, I know. Every time you'd call me and tell me you'd met some amazing guy, I'd swear I was going to tell you how I felt. Then I'd ask you if you were happy and you'd say yes... Well, I couldn't throw that at you."
"Those amazing guys never seemed so amazing after a few weeks."
He smiled, revealing a slight dimple in his left cheek. "I know, thank goodness." He looked at her almost shyly. "When you'd come crying on my shoulder, I'd push those feelings aside and let you heal."
Her heart beat wildly as Cary let go of the bar and leaned towards her, eyes closed as he kissed her. Even though there were no fireworks scheduled for the park that night, Maggie was pretty sure she saw some. The ride started and abruptly ended their first kiss.
Cheeks flushed, they got out of the seat. The old man looked at them and laughed. "Nothing like waiting 'til the last minute, Stillman."
"How did you know?" Maggie asked.
The old man shook his head. "He's been asking me to stop the ride at the top for over fifteen years."
"I'll be right back," Maggie said, standing on her tiptoes to kiss Cary. She turned and disappeared into the crowd.
At last Cary took a breath. He'd never felt so good in all his life. His cell phone rang and he answered it, "Hello."
"Hey," Maggie said when he answered it. "I met the most amazing guy. I can't wait to tell you all about him."
Cary smiled and looked around. He spotted her near the cotton candy cart. "Really, well then I guess you know my next question."
"What's that?"
"Does he make you happy?" Cary whispered the question into the phone.
Maggie was quiet for a moment. "Very happy. But then he always has. I've got a good feeling about this one."
"Me too."
He closed his phone and went over to her. The amusement park really was a magical place. He looked back at the Ferris wheel and for the first time he realized it was his favorite ride. "If I promise to let go, will you ride the Ferris wheel one more time with me?"
"Just promise you won't panic if we stop at the top,"she teased.
Cary slipped his arm around Maggie. "I'm actually looking forward to it."
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
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This is a great story, I love the plot, I had to go back and reread it.............I enjoyed it so much. I have one or two suggestions down...scroll to see.....but over all, this is a really neat write.
"Hard to believe the amusement park is closing," Maggie said. She couldn't remember a summer going by when she and her best friend, Cary, didn't make their annual pilgrimage here.
Cay grabbed her sleeve and led her to the ancient Ferris wheel. "One last time," he said.
Maggie knew he hated it. Everyone knew he hated it. The Ferris wheel was her favorite ride and his least favorite. She would describe how everything looked while they waited at the top. He would sit beside her, white knuckles wrapped around the safety bar, eyes shut tight.
The old man looked at them as they approached. He'd been running the ride for as long as either could remember.
I'm not sure, but I think this should be a new paragraph.
"Stillman," the old man said to Cary. "Time to face your fears."
Without a word, Cary nodded and sat down next to Maggie. As usual he wrapped his hands tightly around the bar.
Maggie reached over and patted his arm. "Are you going to let go this time?"
"Not a chance."
"At least open your eyes."
Cary shook his head, and soft brown waves bounced slightly. She could tell by the set of his jaw that he wasn't even considering it.
"Thirty-four years old and still afraid of a child's ride," Maggie teased. But that was Cary. He never pretended to be something that he wasn't.
They had been friends since grade school and best friends since the start of high school. He knew her strengths and her weaknesses. Cary had been through every relationship she'd ever had. There at the beginnings, then right on down to the usual bitter endings. He was her best friend and her shoulder to cry on. Despite being easy on the eyes, he was still just Cary.
The ride took them to the top. She looked around waiting for the descent when it stopped. She glanced at Cary, noting the tiny beads of sweat that dotted his brow. "Don't panic," she said calmly.
He nodded.
She looked around. It was beautiful from up here. The lights that were strung around the park below were magical looking. "For goodness sake, Cary, open your eyes."
One blue eye fluttered open, then the other.
"This is nice," she sighed. "It's like being on top of the world. I wish this wasn't our last night here."
Cary cut his eyes to look at her. "Could be our best night ever." His look was undecipherable. "I told the guy to stop us at the top."
"You asked to be stopped?"
Cary nodded, then ran a finger around the collar of his t-shirt. "I told him I wanted a few minutes alone with you up here."
"Why?"
"Because you love it up here. Because it's just us. Maggie, I'm not afraid of this ride. I was always afraid you'd see what a fraud I was."
"Cary, I'm not following you."
"Maggie, I love you. I'm in love with you. I've always been in love with you."
"But you never said anything."
"I know, I know. Every time you'd call me and tell me you'd met some amazing guy, I'd swear I was going to tell you how I felt. Then I'd ask you if you were happy and you'd say yes... Well, I couldn't throw that at you."
"Those amazing guys never seemed so amazing after a few weeks."
He smiled, revealing a slight dimple in his left cheek. "I know, thank goodness." He looked at her almost shyly. "When you'd come crying on my shoulder, I'd push those feelings aside and let you heal."
Her heart beat wildly as Cary let go of the bar and leaned towards her, eyes closed as he kissed her. Even though there were no fireworks scheduled for the park that night, Maggie was pretty sure she saw some. The ride started and abruptly ended their first kiss.
Cheeks flushed, they got out of the seat. The old man looked at them and laughed. "Nothing like waiting 'til the last minute, Stillman."
"How did you know?" Maggie asked.
The old man shook his head. "He's been asking me to stop the ride at the top for over fifteen years."
"I'll be right back," Maggie said, standing on her tiptoes to kiss Cary. She turned and disappeared into the crowd.
At last Cary took a breath. He'd never felt so good in all his life. His cell phone rang and he answered it, "Hello."
"Hey," Maggie said when he answered it. "I met the most amazing guy. I can't wait to tell you all about him."
Cary smiled and looked around. He spotted her near the cotton candy cart. "Really, well then I guess you know my next question."
"What's that?"
"Does he make you happy?" Cary whispered the question into the phone.
Maggie was quiet for a moment. "Very happy. But then he always has. I've got a good feeling about this one."
"Me too."
He closed his phone and went over to her. The amusement park really was a magical place. He looked back at the Ferris wheel and for the first time he realized it was his favorite ride. "If I promise to let go, will you ride the Ferris wheel one more time with me?"
"Just promise you won't panic if we stop at the top,"she teased.
Cary slipped his arm around Maggie. "I'm actually looking forward to it."
Comment Written 31-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
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Thank you for the great review and the suggestions. I love when people give me feedback and it is greatly appreciated.
Comment from Joy Graham
Awwwwww!!! This is such a cute story. I'm afraid of the ferris wheel too so I was totally lost in that feeling. You caught me off guard with the declaration of love. This is a feel good story and you brightened my day :)
"(Cay) grabbed her sleeve" - do you mean "Cary"?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
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Awwwwww!!! This is such a cute story. I'm afraid of the ferris wheel too so I was totally lost in that feeling. You caught me off guard with the declaration of love. This is a feel good story and you brightened my day :)
"(Cay) grabbed her sleeve" - do you mean "Cary"?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
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Thank you for the great review. I'm not a very romantic writer so I tried to slip the romance part in as naturally as I could. Glad to hear I brightened your day.