Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 29 "A Hoka Moon, Pt. 1"Murder Mystery
57 total reviews
Comment from Dawn Munro
PMG, this was great!!! I love this character! Bev, you are amazing in how you can manage your build-up in such a few short words. Old Frankie comes to life on the screen, as surely as if I was the one having a conversation with him. Even the cat's description made me see it. Nicely done, my friend, very, very nicely done!
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2013
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PMG, this was great!!! I love this character! Bev, you are amazing in how you can manage your build-up in such a few short words. Old Frankie comes to life on the screen, as surely as if I was the one having a conversation with him. Even the cat's description made me see it. Nicely done, my friend, very, very nicely done!
Comment Written 20-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2013
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Hi, Dawn. What an awesome review! I worked to get more detail and life-like aspects to the chapter, so I'm so excited by your words to that effect. It's very rewarding to have someone recognize the effort, so your six is a spectacular cherry on top. Thanks so much for staying with me, Dawn. Hugs, Bev
Comment from judiverse
Got to go with a "6" on this one. You make Frankie come to life in such a vivid way. He comes across as trying to be tough and in-your-face with Detective Skeets, but as the story unfolds it turns out he's afraid as are all the people in the neighborhood. Skeets observes that he probably couldn't see well enough well to shoot anyone. Skeets has some understanding of the old man, realizing he's probably a veteran. Finally Frankie gives some useful information to Skeets--about the orange pickup he's seen, the one for midgets. Frankie refuses police protection, thinking he can take care of himself. Great characterization! judi
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2013
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Got to go with a "6" on this one. You make Frankie come to life in such a vivid way. He comes across as trying to be tough and in-your-face with Detective Skeets, but as the story unfolds it turns out he's afraid as are all the people in the neighborhood. Skeets observes that he probably couldn't see well enough well to shoot anyone. Skeets has some understanding of the old man, realizing he's probably a veteran. Finally Frankie gives some useful information to Skeets--about the orange pickup he's seen, the one for midgets. Frankie refuses police protection, thinking he can take care of himself. Great characterization! judi
Comment Written 20-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2013
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Hi, Judi. Thank you so much for your faithful following of my novel. It means a lot to get the perspective of a consistent follower of the story. Glad you picked up on everything I tried to convey about our Frankie. That, and the super generous rating, really make my day, Judi. Hugs, Bev
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi writingfundimension
I seem to have missed a chapter or part of one. I'll have to go and look for it.
Interesting bits of information dropping here, suddenly we have a man barely able to see through his glasses, able to identify a pickup. Mind you, it is possible, and the colour alone would make it easily spotted.
You've held the tension nicely and introduced the lighter moment of the detective getting his tie ruined in the process of getting a small piece of good info.
Patrick
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2013
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Hi writingfundimension
I seem to have missed a chapter or part of one. I'll have to go and look for it.
Interesting bits of information dropping here, suddenly we have a man barely able to see through his glasses, able to identify a pickup. Mind you, it is possible, and the colour alone would make it easily spotted.
You've held the tension nicely and introduced the lighter moment of the detective getting his tie ruined in the process of getting a small piece of good info.
Patrick
Comment Written 20-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2013
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Hi, Patrick. You make a good point about the identification. The clue is added more for the benefit of the readers than the police LOL. I doubt Frankie will ever make it to the stand. Thanks for the great review and support. :0) Bev
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
A great chapter, Bev - the conversation between
Frank and Skeets flowing naturally - I like the
little snippets such as
A smile edged out his frown.
always a pleasure to read, my friend.
Margaret
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2013
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A great chapter, Bev - the conversation between
Frank and Skeets flowing naturally - I like the
little snippets such as
A smile edged out his frown.
always a pleasure to read, my friend.
Margaret
Comment Written 20-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2013
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Thank you so much, Margaret. Your review if very encouraging and much appreciated! Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from robina1978
I am always so pleased to find another chapter. The picture and the whole book are thrilling and scary. You wrote this one well The six is for the whole book.
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2013
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I am always so pleased to find another chapter. The picture and the whole book are thrilling and scary. You wrote this one well The six is for the whole book.
Comment Written 20-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2013
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Thank you very much for this very generous review, Ine. It is so very appreciated. Warmest regards, Bev
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so welcome and deserved, Bev
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How gracious. Thanks again, Ine.
Comment from misscookie
Very good chapter you had me laughing and agreeing about those home health aids.
I had a few afew years ago I didn't not like the way they clean so I refuse to let them fix my meals That was tsome of thes aids first and last day. I'm writing a book about the heath aids I had.
Thank you for sharing
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2013
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Very good chapter you had me laughing and agreeing about those home health aids.
I had a few afew years ago I didn't not like the way they clean so I refuse to let them fix my meals That was tsome of thes aids first and last day. I'm writing a book about the heath aids I had.
Thank you for sharing
Comment Written 20-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2013
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Hi, Miss Cookie. I'm so glad I could make you laugh with this chapter. It's neat to know that you could relate to my character on his assessment of the health care profession. So appreciate your interest and support. Blessings, Bev
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Your very welcome, until next time.
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:0) XX
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Until next time.
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You bet, lovely lady! XX
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Until next time, my friend.
Comment from Connie C
Your description of the old man's place and the interactions between him and Skeets are excellent, Bev. You really help the reader to see what is happening. Also, as always, your command of dialogue is superb. The dialogue really helps me, as well, to see the characters. Keep up the good work, my friend.
Hugs,
Connie
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2013
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Your description of the old man's place and the interactions between him and Skeets are excellent, Bev. You really help the reader to see what is happening. Also, as always, your command of dialogue is superb. The dialogue really helps me, as well, to see the characters. Keep up the good work, my friend.
Hugs,
Connie
Comment Written 19-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2013
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Thank you so much, Connie. I'm so glad you enjoyed my cranky new character and the scene-setting. I did work extra hard on that aspect for this chapter, so your insight means a lot to me. As always, thank you for being there and supporting me in such a generous way. Hugs, Bev
Comment from gotanenvoy
I thought your story flowed well, and the characters appeared as real people not cardboard cutouts. What I found a little strange at first was detective Skeets Epstein's
thoughts that appeared in italics. But after reading a few paragraphs my mind accepted them and they no longer bothered me.
The use of italics for a sub-set of a character's thoughts gives your writing a breath of fresh air. Taking the unconventional path in presenting prose does not always work in the writer's favor. In your case though the tactic has worked well.
I look forward to reading more of - A Hoka Moon.
Well done
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2013
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I thought your story flowed well, and the characters appeared as real people not cardboard cutouts. What I found a little strange at first was detective Skeets Epstein's
thoughts that appeared in italics. But after reading a few paragraphs my mind accepted them and they no longer bothered me.
The use of italics for a sub-set of a character's thoughts gives your writing a breath of fresh air. Taking the unconventional path in presenting prose does not always work in the writer's favor. In your case though the tactic has worked well.
I look forward to reading more of - A Hoka Moon.
Well done
Comment Written 19-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2013
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Thank you for this delightful and encouraging review, gotanenvoy. I've used internal dialogue both the accepted ways. In this chapter, it seemed the better approach with all the dialogue.
I really appreciate you choosing to read my chapter and, especially, your very generous rating.
Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from OLA THOMAS
I like this crime fiction, it is stunning and haw gripping power to holde the reader on the pageto the lastwordin order to know whathappen next. The detective aspect makes more thrilling.
ola thomas
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2013
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I like this crime fiction, it is stunning and haw gripping power to holde the reader on the pageto the lastwordin order to know whathappen next. The detective aspect makes more thrilling.
ola thomas
Comment Written 19-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2013
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Thank you so much, Ola, for reading my chapter. I really appreciate your insights and positive words of support. Kindest regards, Bev
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, writingfundimension, you did an excellent job writing this chapter where detective skeets finds some new information from the person he interviewed
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2013
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this is very well written, writingfundimension, you did an excellent job writing this chapter where detective skeets finds some new information from the person he interviewed
Comment Written 19-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2013
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Thanks for the great review, sweet. I do so appreciate your support~ Hugs, Bev