Again
ABAB Poem60 total reviews
Comment from Val Crisson
What a wonderful poem. I really love the circle of life it describes, and especially that it is by the ocean which to me is so romantic. The flow and rhyming in the poem are both wonderful but the story is the best.
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2013
  |
What a wonderful poem. I really love the circle of life it describes, and especially that it is by the ocean which to me is so romantic. The flow and rhyming in the poem are both wonderful but the story is the best.
Comment Written 28-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2013
-
Thank you for your kind and thoughtful review. I do love to tell stories in my poetry and I am so glad you liked this one. Wouldn't it be wonderful if my little scenario is true? - Wendy
Comment from Lovinia
Absolutely beautiful. Full of endearing phrases as love blossoms from childhood and lasts sixty years in togetherness, fifteen in separation, to at last a reunion in death. All time dissipates and once again young and carefree to love for eternity.
A stunning presentation and numerous poetic techniques complement and embellish your fine work. Perfect meter and rhyme for a start. Loads of lovely 's', 'f' , 'b' alliteration. Great consonance of 'm' in "matronly/circumspect" and 'n' in "no longer matronly", 'c' in "races to embrace". "She races to embrace the blue-jeaned boy." - fabulous conclusion and wonderful phrasing.
A gorgeous poem and I believe will place very well in the contest. Good luck. Lovinia
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2013
|
Absolutely beautiful. Full of endearing phrases as love blossoms from childhood and lasts sixty years in togetherness, fifteen in separation, to at last a reunion in death. All time dissipates and once again young and carefree to love for eternity.
A stunning presentation and numerous poetic techniques complement and embellish your fine work. Perfect meter and rhyme for a start. Loads of lovely 's', 'f' , 'b' alliteration. Great consonance of 'm' in "matronly/circumspect" and 'n' in "no longer matronly", 'c' in "races to embrace". "She races to embrace the blue-jeaned boy." - fabulous conclusion and wonderful phrasing.
A gorgeous poem and I believe will place very well in the contest. Good luck. Lovinia
Comment Written 28-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2013
-
Thank you once again for a thorough and thoughtful review. I just brought this back out to work on, having decided it was close but not quite right yet, when inspiration struck. I am glad that you think I finally achieved what I was trying for. I have to laugh about the contest entry as my 2-year-old grandson had scrolled down the contest list without my being aware. I looked up, saw the ABAB contest, thought, "How perfect, what a coincidence," and entered. It wasn't until I read through later that I realized I would have to wait until May for the conclusion. Guess I better pay more attention. ;-) Wendy
Comment from ZBaron
This was great as it really told a story through the images created through your beautiful wording. It grabbed me right from line one and had me reading without pause or distraction. A great write. Well done.
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2013
|
This was great as it really told a story through the images created through your beautiful wording. It grabbed me right from line one and had me reading without pause or distraction. A great write. Well done.
Comment Written 28-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2013
-
Thank you ZBaron for taking the time to read and review my work. I am glad that it neither distracted you nor gave you pause ;) - Wendy
Comment from keondae
How beautiful! It was touching. Especially, I liked the last part saying "she races to embrace the blue-jeaned boy." Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2013
 |
How beautiful! It was touching. Especially, I liked the last part saying "she races to embrace the blue-jeaned boy." Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 28-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2013
-
Thank you for taking the time to read and review my words. I am honored by the extra one too. - Wendy
Comment from MissMerri
Oh wow! This poem is absolutely awe-inspiring!! It is flawless, I do believe., and I rarely come across a poem I love as much as I loved this one. The images are so strong and the mood so tender. My emotions were touched and I was in the story seeing, knowing the "blue-Jeanne's boy." Every evocative word was the exact right word, and cadence and rhyme... also exactly right. You have written a small masterpiece, I do believe. Take a bow Wendy.
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2013
|
Oh wow! This poem is absolutely awe-inspiring!! It is flawless, I do believe., and I rarely come across a poem I love as much as I loved this one. The images are so strong and the mood so tender. My emotions were touched and I was in the story seeing, knowing the "blue-Jeanne's boy." Every evocative word was the exact right word, and cadence and rhyme... also exactly right. You have written a small masterpiece, I do believe. Take a bow Wendy.
Comment Written 28-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2013
-
Thank you so much for your kind words and the extra star. I am kind of fond of this one too. Just a story, but it came out of my head and I would like to hope it is someone's story. - Wendy
-
It is a fabulous story... one many will relate to. I also write from my imagination more than from actual personal experiences, so I know what that's like . I do think this should be published. Do it!
Comment from misscookie
I love the words to your poem, it reminded me of my beloved husband he was a surf fisherman and I love the ocean breez while he fish I wrote
Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2013
|
I love the words to your poem, it reminded me of my beloved husband he was a surf fisherman and I love the ocean breez while he fish I wrote
Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 28-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2013
-
Oh, misscookie, I am glad I was able to bring those memories to you. - Wendy
Comment from cvcopac
Well written, and I like the liberty you take stopping mid-sentence, then resuming with a new sentence. Kind of like saying, "Hey, its my poem," and it is because the rhythm is never lost. Good control of the form. He must have been exceptionally exceptional. Kenny
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2013
|
Well written, and I like the liberty you take stopping mid-sentence, then resuming with a new sentence. Kind of like saying, "Hey, its my poem," and it is because the rhythm is never lost. Good control of the form. He must have been exceptionally exceptional. Kenny
Comment Written 28-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2013
-
Thanks Kenny, for the read and review. Sometimes, to say what you want, ya gotta maybe break a rule (although I'm not sure there is a rule about that) Unfortunately, that great love is merely in my mind, but I'm sure it exists out there somewhere. - Wendy
-
Me either, anyway, for every suvivor there's a smarter mouse. ---That would help explain the wonderful uplifting ending. We all trifle with the story. They are all stories.
Comment from rjuselius
this is such a sweet piece of poetry! i wish i'll find someone to love so long and endlessly.
thank you for sharing!
good luck in the contest!
rebekka x
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2013
|
this is such a sweet piece of poetry! i wish i'll find someone to love so long and endlessly.
thank you for sharing!
good luck in the contest!
rebekka x
Comment Written 28-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2013
-
Thanks rebekka for the read and review. I hope you find someone too. - Wendy
Comment from kiwisteveh
Gorgeous piece, Wendy - glad I have a six to give you.
Great rhyme and meter as usual and some lovely phrases to bring out the poignancy of the old lady on the beach rushing into the arms of hercherished husband...
shell strewn shores of memory - nice alliteration, but nice in any case
years are shed like clothes - original simile
surging tides of love - metaphor matched to the setting
Good luck in the contest - I see you are well in advance of the deadline.
Steve
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2013
|
Gorgeous piece, Wendy - glad I have a six to give you.
Great rhyme and meter as usual and some lovely phrases to bring out the poignancy of the old lady on the beach rushing into the arms of hercherished husband...
shell strewn shores of memory - nice alliteration, but nice in any case
years are shed like clothes - original simile
surging tides of love - metaphor matched to the setting
Good luck in the contest - I see you are well in advance of the deadline.
Steve
Comment Written 28-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2013
-
Funny story on this one, I'll pass it on later. I appreciate the thorough read and review. Yes, in advance of the deadline. My grandson had scrolled down through the contests and I didn't notice we had left February. Saw the listing and entered. MAY??? --Wendy
Comment from adewpearl
excellent use of alternate-line rhyming, which is, after all, the focus of this contest :-)
sand-swept toes - add hyphen
good hyphen in years shed like clothes
nice alliteration and descriptive detail in shell-strewn shores
first kiss flowed from friendship - more lovely alliteration as the romance unfolds
what a poignant closing as she is joyous to be reunited with her husband of so many years when it is finally her time to rejoin him :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2013
|
excellent use of alternate-line rhyming, which is, after all, the focus of this contest :-)
sand-swept toes - add hyphen
good hyphen in years shed like clothes
nice alliteration and descriptive detail in shell-strewn shores
first kiss flowed from friendship - more lovely alliteration as the romance unfolds
what a poignant closing as she is joyous to be reunited with her husband of so many years when it is finally her time to rejoin him :-) Brooke
Comment Written 28-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2013
-
Good Morning to you Brooke. I went back and forth between sand-swept and sandswept and ended up omitting. Thanks for the catch. I always appreciate your thorough reviews. - Wendy