Writings From the Heart
Viewing comments for Chapter 24 "The Elusive butterfly "A book of Poetry & Writing
53 total reviews
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Ethical, Integrity, Accountability, Compassion, Sorrow
Yes, it's just a list of words, but the fact that "ethical" is the only adjective among all those nouns made me wince. Try "ethics" or "fairness" or some other abstract noun.
This butterfly you describe, you never say what it is? Lack of faith? Greed? Arrogance? It's not very clear, but what is clear is that it affects our lives... all the more reason to know what it is.
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Ethical, Integrity, Accountability, Compassion, Sorrow
Yes, it's just a list of words, but the fact that "ethical" is the only adjective among all those nouns made me wince. Try "ethics" or "fairness" or some other abstract noun.
This butterfly you describe, you never say what it is? Lack of faith? Greed? Arrogance? It's not very clear, but what is clear is that it affects our lives... all the more reason to know what it is.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2014
Comment from PearlW
This is a very well-thought out piece. I love the word choices you've made, and "Elusive butterfly" was the absolute perfect choice for this piece. Ethical, Integrity, Accountability, Compassion, Sorrow -- excellent word combination.
The imagery you create is beautiful and terrifying at the same time. Elusive butterfly drawn to sugar only to dance at the devil's fire by night -- beautifully descriptive.
This is not a script though. It reads more like poetry. I also won't throw it in the "self-improvement" category, but rather philosophical.
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This is a very well-thought out piece. I love the word choices you've made, and "Elusive butterfly" was the absolute perfect choice for this piece. Ethical, Integrity, Accountability, Compassion, Sorrow -- excellent word combination.
The imagery you create is beautiful and terrifying at the same time. Elusive butterfly drawn to sugar only to dance at the devil's fire by night -- beautifully descriptive.
This is not a script though. It reads more like poetry. I also won't throw it in the "self-improvement" category, but rather philosophical.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2014
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi Deepwater,
Interesting points of view. Things to ponder, for sure.
Although, this read more like a poem or short story than a script. With a script, you would have directives, staging, etc.
Cheers,
Keep Smilin'... Jax
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Hi Deepwater,
Interesting points of view. Things to ponder, for sure.
Although, this read more like a poem or short story than a script. With a script, you would have directives, staging, etc.
Cheers,
Keep Smilin'... Jax
Comment Written 13-Jun-2014
Comment from leslief1952
"Ethical, Integrity, Accountability, Compassion, Sorrow
Words in your demented world which are foreign to your soul"
Unfortunately, I understand where these sentiments might come from. My ex-husband planned on leaving me for years before he finally got up the nerve to come clean. And at that point I had to force honesty on him. I trusted him beyond anyone else in my life, so his betrayal was even harder than it would have been under other circumstances.
Thanks for your expression of these emotions.
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"Ethical, Integrity, Accountability, Compassion, Sorrow
Words in your demented world which are foreign to your soul"
Unfortunately, I understand where these sentiments might come from. My ex-husband planned on leaving me for years before he finally got up the nerve to come clean. And at that point I had to force honesty on him. I trusted him beyond anyone else in my life, so his betrayal was even harder than it would have been under other circumstances.
Thanks for your expression of these emotions.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2014
Comment from Sonaleeka
Awesome Writing.I am glad that I got a
opportunity
to read this .Very beautifully crafted.Have a nice day.
God bless! Keep writing.
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Awesome Writing.I am glad that I got a
opportunity
to read this .Very beautifully crafted.Have a nice day.
God bless! Keep writing.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2014
Comment from Glasstruth
Found this very interesting and enjoyable, but it's not script writing. There's no setting, direction, etc... It's actually poetry. Not sure why the butterfly's the villain here. Maybe it's a metaphor for something? It's good writing. Something t work on. Les
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Found this very interesting and enjoyable, but it's not script writing. There's no setting, direction, etc... It's actually poetry. Not sure why the butterfly's the villain here. Maybe it's a metaphor for something? It's good writing. Something t work on. Les
Comment Written 13-Jun-2014
Comment from Kingsland
This is not script writing, it is however really good free verse poetry. The thoughts you have written here are very colorful and have an excellent poetic verve in there thoughts and phrases. This was a very enjoyable piece of poetic art to have read and written this response for... John
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This is not script writing, it is however really good free verse poetry. The thoughts you have written here are very colorful and have an excellent poetic verve in there thoughts and phrases. This was a very enjoyable piece of poetic art to have read and written this response for... John
Comment Written 13-Jun-2014
Comment from vapros
The first two lines of this post establish a theme to condemn a butterfly (?) to which you are committed. A woman? Having also read the quote from Kipling on your own page, I note some words and phrases borrowed. It is difficult to see this as a self-improvement script - or as a script at all.
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The first two lines of this post establish a theme to condemn a butterfly (?) to which you are committed. A woman? Having also read the quote from Kipling on your own page, I note some words and phrases borrowed. It is difficult to see this as a self-improvement script - or as a script at all.
v
Comment Written 13-Jun-2014
Comment from maggieadams
I am perplexed as to the form and the theme. A script has setting, stage directions and usually several characters speaking/acting. So, is this a monologue.m secondly, hang your writing around one or two metaphors and have a central theme. Your monologue is a rant? You have some good word choice and I believe you have strong feelings abut your subject, but it does need work.
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I am perplexed as to the form and the theme. A script has setting, stage directions and usually several characters speaking/acting. So, is this a monologue.m secondly, hang your writing around one or two metaphors and have a central theme. Your monologue is a rant? You have some good word choice and I believe you have strong feelings abut your subject, but it does need work.
Comment Written 12-Jun-2014
Comment from STEPHEN A CARTER
The abstractness of the piece is beyond my comprehension. I assume the butterfly represents something but what? Spirits of dead soils trying to elude persecution, the Devil's minions? Messengers of death? WHAT!! As to the piece itself it is written in such a way that the common language used is convoluted by analogies, metaphors and by cryptograms. Sadly a fluffy 5 is in order.
Regards:
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The abstractness of the piece is beyond my comprehension. I assume the butterfly represents something but what? Spirits of dead soils trying to elude persecution, the Devil's minions? Messengers of death? WHAT!! As to the piece itself it is written in such a way that the common language used is convoluted by analogies, metaphors and by cryptograms. Sadly a fluffy 5 is in order.
Regards:
Comment Written 12-Jun-2014