Comment from Andrewajgblue

Excellent

This was brilliant, I was glued to it until the wonderful ending, you are a great writer, there was attention to detail, the characters where really well rounded, I really enjoyed it,
Andrew

 Comment Written 09-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 09-Jul-2014

Thanks, Andrew. I am very pleased that you enjoyed the story. Thanks for the kind comments and generous rating, my friend. Much obliged!

Comment from J. Dark

Excellent

This short piece is rich with atmospheric Romanian names and beautifully conveyed language, Dean. You build tension wonderfully in the hunting scene. I love your work - it is always particularly authentic and convincing. I am out of awarding a six star, or it would have been yours, my friend.

Kindest of regards,

Julie :-)

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 Comment Written 09-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 09-Jul-2014

Thank you so much, Julie. I am very pleased that you enjoyed it.

Comment from Cin

Good

I like the idea you have presented here with your story - Carpathian Mountains/Werewolf instead of vampire. I think the story would be more successful if you unpack 'the hunt' and break it down by writing what the protagonist's thoughts,observations and actions by using all the senses. This is the part of the story the reader needs to feel that the protagonist is done for - they're in that snow with them living and breathing every scary moment. This would really build the intensity and bring home the punch line when the protagonist transforms into the hunter.

 Comment Written 09-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 09-Jul-2014

Thanks for the review, Cin. I will try to add more depth to the story, as you suggested. I'm frequently chastised for being a bit too wordy at times, so I wanted to keep this one as brief, yet exciting, as possible. I guess it's back to the old drawing board though, huh?

Thanks again.

reply by Cin on 09-Jul-2014

Always keep your drafts. What you cut out of this piece you may be able to use somewhere else. One of the best writing activities I was ever given was to write a paragraph describing a landscape photo. When we d finished writing it we had to fine ourselves $10 for every adjective and $5 for every adverb. If we had more than $150 we were using to many descriptive words. Don't go back to the drawing board yet - go to the hunt and pull it apart - see what effect it has on the story and then maybe do some chopping :-)

reply by the author on 09-Jul-2014

I will, and thanks again.