Wild and Free
Narrative in Alouette form62 total reviews
Comment from padumachitta
Hi...ah, for some reason I think of Maid Marion and Robin Hood...one of my favorite old stories. I enjoyed this, the texture of the words and of course the story, the images of concret things to give picture to the background.
well done
padumachitta
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2015
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Hi...ah, for some reason I think of Maid Marion and Robin Hood...one of my favorite old stories. I enjoyed this, the texture of the words and of course the story, the images of concret things to give picture to the background.
well done
padumachitta
Comment Written 10-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2015
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Thanks, Padu.
Reviewers have compared this to a few different romantic stories. I imagine the reality of living wild and free in the forest would be a little different...
Steve
Comment from Tomes Johnston
This is an interesting poem that the author has created with this piece of writing. This is a lovely tale of two lovers running away together from a tyrannical father and a rich man that she is promised to. well done.
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2015
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This is an interesting poem that the author has created with this piece of writing. This is a lovely tale of two lovers running away together from a tyrannical father and a rich man that she is promised to. well done.
Comment Written 10-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2015
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Thank you, Tomes.
Steve
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My pleasure.
Comment from rhymelord
Steve,
To the pounding beat
Of your horse's feet
Your metre is quite superb.
To say more would spoil the moment. Great stuff.
Reg
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2015
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Steve,
To the pounding beat
Of your horse's feet
Your metre is quite superb.
To say more would spoil the moment. Great stuff.
Reg
Comment Written 10-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2015
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Thanks, Reg.
Funny I couldn't work out how to fit a metre into this form at first 5/5/7 syllables just didn't fit - once I realised I had to mix iambic and anapaestic it came in a flood!
Steve
Comment from mfowler
You use the strengths of this form to overcome its limitations very well. The mediaeval tale of love overcoming tyranny through the taking of a love from the clutches of a harsh father, is both engaging and wildly romantic to boot. The narrative flows beautifully and the allouette rhythm seems to encourage the action of the gallop and the chase. The imagery of the stag and hind fits well with the notion of the lovers running free in the woods. An excellent entry and I wish you well, Steve.
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2015
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You use the strengths of this form to overcome its limitations very well. The mediaeval tale of love overcoming tyranny through the taking of a love from the clutches of a harsh father, is both engaging and wildly romantic to boot. The narrative flows beautifully and the allouette rhythm seems to encourage the action of the gallop and the chase. The imagery of the stag and hind fits well with the notion of the lovers running free in the woods. An excellent entry and I wish you well, Steve.
Comment Written 10-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2015
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Mark, thanks for the thoughtful review. This one seems to have struck a chord with reviewers, perhaps because of schoolday memories of Lochinvar and similar ballad-y poems. I liked the stag and hind too - the only problem was I'd already used stag early in the poem as a simile for his horse. Decided to leave both references in and hope no one noticed!
Steve
Comment from Curly Girly
I enjoyed reading this old poem about a heedless girl and perhaps a gallant youny man. It has a strong medieval flavour. I must say, Gretna Green, sprang to mind.
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2015
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I enjoyed reading this old poem about a heedless girl and perhaps a gallant youny man. It has a strong medieval flavour. I must say, Gretna Green, sprang to mind.
Comment Written 10-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2015
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Thanks, CG.
Got to let my romantic side out for a play sometimes!
Steve
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
Oh,nicely done.
I read it and it flowed so smooth.
Easy to understand and the piece follows the rules of the poem form. I have a hard time finding the third syllable but the others I read don't have the hard sound on the third either.
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2015
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Oh,nicely done.
I read it and it flowed so smooth.
Easy to understand and the piece follows the rules of the poem form. I have a hard time finding the third syllable but the others I read don't have the hard sound on the third either.
Comment Written 10-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2015
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Thanks, Barb. I tried to have the third syllable stress in all the 5-syllable lines ... On a FROSTy night... but didn't worry about in in the 7-syllable lines where it didn't fit with the meter I wanted. You're right, even the example poems they gave didn't feature that consistently.
Steve
Comment from flamingstar
God, what a fun read! You're a master storyteller in poetic form. Great imagery, pacing and a very satisfying ending...best of luck on this one (but I don't think you'll need it.)
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2015
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God, what a fun read! You're a master storyteller in poetic form. Great imagery, pacing and a very satisfying ending...best of luck on this one (but I don't think you'll need it.)
Comment Written 09-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2015
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Thanks so much for the kind words and the six stars - much appreciated. Let's hope the committee enjoys it too.
Steve
Comment from nomi338
Outstanding! I used to wonder why I as an African American have always loved stories like this. I am a dyed in the wool fan of Robin Hood. I found out one day that one of my ancestors may very well have come from England, my great-great-great grandfather in fact. Not that he had any dealings with English outlaws, but still there is a possibility. I love your thrilling story. So much so that in my mind, I was along for the entire thrill-filled ride.
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2015
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Outstanding! I used to wonder why I as an African American have always loved stories like this. I am a dyed in the wool fan of Robin Hood. I found out one day that one of my ancestors may very well have come from England, my great-great-great grandfather in fact. Not that he had any dealings with English outlaws, but still there is a possibility. I love your thrilling story. So much so that in my mind, I was along for the entire thrill-filled ride.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2015
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Nomi, thanks for the great review. I have just finished watching a NZ TV series called DNA detectives where they tested prominent kiwis and then sent them on a journey around the world to meet up with distant relatives. Every single one of them had major surprises in their DNA tree - do any of us really know what our ancestors have been getting up to?!
Yes, I suppose this has its roots in the good old English ballad. Two that other reviewers have likened it to are 'The Highwayman' by Alfred Noyes and 'Young Lochinvar' By Sir Walter Scott - see what illustrious company I keep!
Steve
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I am impressed. Keep up the great work.
Comment from visionary1234
Wow! And to THINK I WAS thinking of writing something for this one! Shades of "The Highwayman" (but with a happy ending to add to the horses' hooves here). Great rhythm and I'm delighted to have a happy ending! :)S
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2015
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Wow! And to THINK I WAS thinking of writing something for this one! Shades of "The Highwayman" (but with a happy ending to add to the horses' hooves here). Great rhythm and I'm delighted to have a happy ending! :)S
Comment Written 09-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2015
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Sharyn, thanks heaps for the array of stars. I am pleased to say that the bestest reviewers have liked this one - I even squeezed a six star review out of Rama Devi - that always makes me feel good!
This is a brand new form to me and I had some trouble working out how the meter should go - 5/5/7 syllables didn't seem to work with either iambic or anapaestic so I ended up combining the two and was quite pleased with the result, so I just kept going! I think the form was originally designed more for a short, lyrical piece, but I'm sure you'll agree it performs fairly well for long narrative as well!
Steve
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I was TOTALLY impressed by your use of it for the narrative, Steve - never would have thought to use it that way! Bravo! :)S
Comment from Selina Stambi
Shades of Walter Scott ... Oh, young Lochinvar is come out from the west .... swoon!
Just my cup of tea, Steve. Here's my last six. Best wishes for the contest, Punctilious Punctuator.
Hope you win! (Bridesmaid no more, right?
Until next time,
Sonali (formerly Reachingforthestars)
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2015
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Shades of Walter Scott ... Oh, young Lochinvar is come out from the west .... swoon!
Just my cup of tea, Steve. Here's my last six. Best wishes for the contest, Punctilious Punctuator.
Hope you win! (Bridesmaid no more, right?
Until next time,
Sonali (formerly Reachingforthestars)
Comment Written 09-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2015
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Thanks, Selina - I appreciate the galaxy of stars. This has garnered a few already, including from our toughest reviewers so I know I must have done something right. I borrowed a picture of Lochinvar for the artwork, I'm sure Sir Walter won't mind!
As for winning, my wife has rather cynically remarked that I've had my turn (last week in the Faith contest) and I've also got my hopes up for the Palindrome contest currently before the committee and I'm well under way with a story poem for next week! She was only joking, I hope! Sometimes the results seem mystifying.
Steve