The Kiss
composed after a visit to the Rodin Museum in Paris67 total reviews
Comment from Alexander Vasa
Hi, interesting comment in your author's notes about Rodin's comments on his work. I have seen this, it is very lovely, and certainly has a special attraction. I think the poem is very effective at drawing on this statue for inspiration. It has a lovely gentle quality to its words and I noticed no errors.
Thank you for sharing your writing and best of luck in the 'love poem' contest. I think this entry is different from a lot of the others. Cheers, Ana.
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2018
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Hi, interesting comment in your author's notes about Rodin's comments on his work. I have seen this, it is very lovely, and certainly has a special attraction. I think the poem is very effective at drawing on this statue for inspiration. It has a lovely gentle quality to its words and I noticed no errors.
Thank you for sharing your writing and best of luck in the 'love poem' contest. I think this entry is different from a lot of the others. Cheers, Ana.
Comment Written 25-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2018
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What a very kind review. Thank you, Ana. Best wishes, Tony.
Comment from Lady Jane
This is a provocative love poem that is well written and presented. The image chosen was well chosen, the flow was evenly placed, the words chosen to convey the writer's intentions and thoughts, perfectly formed. Just a wonderful love poem here. Good luck in the contest.
Janelle
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2018
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This is a provocative love poem that is well written and presented. The image chosen was well chosen, the flow was evenly placed, the words chosen to convey the writer's intentions and thoughts, perfectly formed. Just a wonderful love poem here. Good luck in the contest.
Janelle
Comment Written 25-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2018
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What a very kind review. Thank you, Janelle . Best wishes, Tony.
Comment from Joan E.
Thank you for sharing part of your visit to Paris and Rodin's observation. He certainly did capture the "dynamic balance between opposing forces" in his work. I particularly enjoyed your use of rhyme and alliteration plus your "spires" simile. Best wishes in the Love Poem Contest- Joan
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2018
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Thank you for sharing part of your visit to Paris and Rodin's observation. He certainly did capture the "dynamic balance between opposing forces" in his work. I particularly enjoyed your use of rhyme and alliteration plus your "spires" simile. Best wishes in the Love Poem Contest- Joan
Comment Written 24-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2018
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What a very kind review. Thank you, Joan. Best wishes, Tony.
Comment from Kerry Foley
This is a lovely love poem for the contest, my friend. Ya know when I was growing up my parents had a statue just like that. Ha, imagine that. Good luck! ~Kerry
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2018
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This is a lovely love poem for the contest, my friend. Ya know when I was growing up my parents had a statue just like that. Ha, imagine that. Good luck! ~Kerry
Comment Written 24-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2018
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What a very kind review. Thank you, Kerry. Best wishes, Tony.
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Very welcome, Tony.
Comment from Tootie
I really like the flow of this and what it says. Your words are beautiful and I love the famous sculpture. Well-written and shared. Thank you! Blessings, Cathy
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2018
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I really like the flow of this and what it says. Your words are beautiful and I love the famous sculpture. Well-written and shared. Thank you! Blessings, Cathy
Comment Written 24-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2018
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What a very kind review. Thank you, Tootie. Best wishes, Tony.
Comment from Annika Fiercely
'coyly osculate'!!
What an accurate way to put this statue into words; wonderfully crafted! I love Rodin's Kiss and think you've really captured what makes the statue so endearing; the convergence of opposites coming together in joy.
Though the metre is well done, there is one thing that disrupts the rhythm for me; in the third line 'architecture's' reads like a possessive for me and it takes a moment to realize it's a contraction; if I were making changes I'd maybe replace 'strong,' with 'strength;'? But that makes the words lose some of their flow, as 'strong, sublime' has a nice resonance; just my one little quibble.
Well done!
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2018
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'coyly osculate'!!
What an accurate way to put this statue into words; wonderfully crafted! I love Rodin's Kiss and think you've really captured what makes the statue so endearing; the convergence of opposites coming together in joy.
Though the metre is well done, there is one thing that disrupts the rhythm for me; in the third line 'architecture's' reads like a possessive for me and it takes a moment to realize it's a contraction; if I were making changes I'd maybe replace 'strong,' with 'strength;'? But that makes the words lose some of their flow, as 'strong, sublime' has a nice resonance; just my one little quibble.
Well done!
Comment Written 24-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2018
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What a very kind review. Thank you, Annika, both for that and your suggestion. I?ll certainly give that some thought. Best wishes, Tony.
Comment from Swampfox1
You are doing a wonderful job here and you have the words on their way to creating a masterpiece of sorts. Have you ever thought about rhyming in the middle of a line, similar to what Edgar Allen Poe does with the Raven? I see you are trying to envelope the reader with French art by brining Rodin's Kiss into the poem. Some readers may not be familiar with the art or the arts, and you do give a hint to it in your second to last line with, "as art unites with life". And that does paint a pretty picture. And the picture of the art work you have included goes very well with the poem.
Keep in mind that poetry is not every day talk, thereby contractions should sometimes be eliminated to change the mood or alert the speaker that it is a more formal type of talk. Example: nature's would recommend nature is held in time.
In fact , the stops you create with semi-colons might fare better with periods, full stops and perhaps more commas to hold the interest of the reader for a second longer. It would help create the scene. Let me show you a suggestion as to what I mean.
The muse abides, where nature is held in time.
Each figure poised in love's eternal clasp.
The scene is balanced architecture, strong, sublime, with spires that aoar from churches' heights.
Keep in mind it is a simple suggestion where your poem would gather more strength.
I think you have an excellent chance in the Love Poem Poetry Contest. A moment in time, captured, influenced by nature and architecture, perhaps conspiring for the moment.
Thanks for sharing. Have a great rest of your week.
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2018
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You are doing a wonderful job here and you have the words on their way to creating a masterpiece of sorts. Have you ever thought about rhyming in the middle of a line, similar to what Edgar Allen Poe does with the Raven? I see you are trying to envelope the reader with French art by brining Rodin's Kiss into the poem. Some readers may not be familiar with the art or the arts, and you do give a hint to it in your second to last line with, "as art unites with life". And that does paint a pretty picture. And the picture of the art work you have included goes very well with the poem.
Keep in mind that poetry is not every day talk, thereby contractions should sometimes be eliminated to change the mood or alert the speaker that it is a more formal type of talk. Example: nature's would recommend nature is held in time.
In fact , the stops you create with semi-colons might fare better with periods, full stops and perhaps more commas to hold the interest of the reader for a second longer. It would help create the scene. Let me show you a suggestion as to what I mean.
The muse abides, where nature is held in time.
Each figure poised in love's eternal clasp.
The scene is balanced architecture, strong, sublime, with spires that aoar from churches' heights.
Keep in mind it is a simple suggestion where your poem would gather more strength.
I think you have an excellent chance in the Love Poem Poetry Contest. A moment in time, captured, influenced by nature and architecture, perhaps conspiring for the moment.
Thanks for sharing. Have a great rest of your week.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2018
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Very many thanks for your detailed review and helpful suggestions. You have made several good points, which I shall consider carefully. Best wishes, Tony
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You are very welcome.
Comment from Irish Rain
Just lovely Mr. Tony. I always admired this statue. This is the first poem I've ever read about it. An awesome entry in the love poem contest. Thank you for sharing!
Blessings...
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2018
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Just lovely Mr. Tony. I always admired this statue. This is the first poem I've ever read about it. An awesome entry in the love poem contest. Thank you for sharing!
Blessings...
Comment Written 24-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2018
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Thanks very much for your review, Judy. Always good to hear from you. I appreciate your support and kind words. Best wishes, Tony.
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You're most welcome!!
Comment from LeftHandedScribe
You use language with such abandon. It is primal iand evokes a specific intimacy that is compelling and immediate. Your descriptions are tight and not a word is wasted. so well done!
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2018
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You use language with such abandon. It is primal iand evokes a specific intimacy that is compelling and immediate. Your descriptions are tight and not a word is wasted. so well done!
Comment Written 24-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2018
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What a very kind review, Shauna. Thank you for the excellent rating and stars. Most affirming. Best wishes, Tony.
Comment from Shanbreen
Well written free-style poem. I love the transfer of transfer of Rodin's staue (I also have a photograph of it at home from my visit there) to the lovers who stop by to admire it.
A fee puctuations that you may want to take a second look at:
I tense and, with a loving glance, -- comma should be after tense.
Do you need the commas in the following:
their eyes connect as, shyly, they adore
overall, a great write. Best for the contest.
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2018
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Well written free-style poem. I love the transfer of transfer of Rodin's staue (I also have a photograph of it at home from my visit there) to the lovers who stop by to admire it.
A fee puctuations that you may want to take a second look at:
I tense and, with a loving glance, -- comma should be after tense.
Do you need the commas in the following:
their eyes connect as, shyly, they adore
overall, a great write. Best for the contest.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2018
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Many thanks for your review and comma suggestions. I shall have to have another look. Best wishes, Tony.