The Other Side
Story in a Poem38 total reviews
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I enjoyed reading your poem/story contest entry. That is one nasty foaming river. LOL I think I lost count of everything that disappeared in it. You did a great job writing this. Good luck.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2019
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I enjoyed reading your poem/story contest entry. That is one nasty foaming river. LOL I think I lost count of everything that disappeared in it. You did a great job writing this. Good luck.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2019
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Thanks, Barbara. Sometimes the funny ideas just come pouring out. This wrote itself very quickly - I just had to put the words down.
Steve
Comment from Jaye Bennett
I think you must be trying for a prize in Irony. The whole poem is well written, as it takes us from problem, to solution, to disaster. Good plot. Good formatting. Good rhyme scheme. Good picture. Good job.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2019
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I think you must be trying for a prize in Irony. The whole poem is well written, as it takes us from problem, to solution, to disaster. Good plot. Good formatting. Good rhyme scheme. Good picture. Good job.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2019
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Thanks, Jaye - yes, the ending is the supreme irony - seems nobody was smart enough to use the other bridge.
Steve
Comment from RodG
I really enjoyed this narrative poem about a boy, a bridge, and a boat. Your TONE is tongue-in-cheek and kept me chuckling throughout despite the sister's losses and the narrator's misadventure. Easy to visualize the key events and I like your occasional use of internal rhyme. Good luck in the contest. Rod
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2019
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I really enjoyed this narrative poem about a boy, a bridge, and a boat. Your TONE is tongue-in-cheek and kept me chuckling throughout despite the sister's losses and the narrator's misadventure. Easy to visualize the key events and I like your occasional use of internal rhyme. Good luck in the contest. Rod
Comment Written 13-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2019
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Thanks, Rod - glad you enjoyed. The first couple of lines are based in reality - the rest? Just a wee bit exaggerated!
Steve
Comment from Adri7enne
You sure do rhyme like a pro, Steve! Reading your posts is a real pleasure. The words fairly dance across the page. Your rhythm is also dead on, without adding to the verbs or twisting phrases about. Just good word choices. I enjoyed the read. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2019
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You sure do rhyme like a pro, Steve! Reading your posts is a real pleasure. The words fairly dance across the page. Your rhythm is also dead on, without adding to the verbs or twisting phrases about. Just good word choices. I enjoyed the read. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2019
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Thanks so much for the great review and the six shiny stars. The words danced themselves onto the page this time. The poem virtually wrote itself in less than 30 minutes! Sometimes deadline pressure does that!
Steve
Comment from Earl Corp
I don't think I would have wanted to courted Flo, it wasn't safe. I enjoyed this poem immensely. It rhymed, made sense, and was hilarious. Very nice job.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2019
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I don't think I would have wanted to courted Flo, it wasn't safe. I enjoyed this poem immensely. It rhymed, made sense, and was hilarious. Very nice job.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2019
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Thanks, Earl. Wise choice; Flow grew morbidly obese in later life and suffered from clinical depression!
Steve
Comment from tbacha58
Upon the reef my hopes were dashed
and as I lay there drowning,
"The Conqueror" was sadly smashed,
my parents left a-frowning.
Now up in Heaven with its views
I contemplate my labour -
and wonder why we didn't use
the bridge of Norm, our neighbour.
Our hopes are high during our lifetime, but when accidents take place, someone has to be blamed, and the kind-hearted is usually the one to do that. Beautifull rhyming story. Well done. Terry xoxo
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reply by the author on 14-Jan-2019
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Upon the reef my hopes were dashed
and as I lay there drowning,
"The Conqueror" was sadly smashed,
my parents left a-frowning.
Now up in Heaven with its views
I contemplate my labour -
and wonder why we didn't use
the bridge of Norm, our neighbour.
Our hopes are high during our lifetime, but when accidents take place, someone has to be blamed, and the kind-hearted is usually the one to do that. Beautifull rhyming story. Well done. Terry xoxo
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2019
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Terry, thanks as always for the kind review.
Steve
Comment from strandregs
Hi Steve
The end is commendable , befitting, inspiring, hilarious,
but, the road was torturous, time to get the dictionary out,
and the urban dictionary, and the fairy dictionary, and the fantasy dictionary.
I'm being a pain arn't I.
I felt there was a mixture of styles old and new , and inbetween,
but what do I know. I just want you to feel awee bit uncomfortable and go back
and make it a wee better.
Then again it might be the Hydrogen Peroxide burning my brain... :-))Z.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2019
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Hi Steve
The end is commendable , befitting, inspiring, hilarious,
but, the road was torturous, time to get the dictionary out,
and the urban dictionary, and the fairy dictionary, and the fantasy dictionary.
I'm being a pain arn't I.
I felt there was a mixture of styles old and new , and inbetween,
but what do I know. I just want you to feel awee bit uncomfortable and go back
and make it a wee better.
Then again it might be the Hydrogen Peroxide burning my brain... :-))Z.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2019
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Thanks, Zelick.
Yes, it possibly could do with a bit of fine tuning - it came out in a great rush with the deadline looming.
Steve
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Mazel Tov
A good blessing for everything. :-))Z
Comment from bichonfrisegirl
Super creative and I just have to give you a sixth star for your "after/hafter" and "risk it/biscuit" rhymes ... so very clever and gave me the giggles. :))
This is a delightful story in a poem of many who tried to cross the bridge and didn't make it. Love the humor in this piece.
An exceptional poem that I hope fares well in the contest. Well done, Steve!
Cheers,
Connie
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2019
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Super creative and I just have to give you a sixth star for your "after/hafter" and "risk it/biscuit" rhymes ... so very clever and gave me the giggles. :))
This is a delightful story in a poem of many who tried to cross the bridge and didn't make it. Love the humor in this piece.
An exceptional poem that I hope fares well in the contest. Well done, Steve!
Cheers,
Connie
Comment Written 12-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2019
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Thanks, Connie.
I spotted the contest with two hours till deadline so had to come up with something in a flash. Amazing what the old brain can do under that kind of pressure! Just got it on in time and then discovered I had won the 5-7-5 site contest, so it's been a good day.
Steve
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Excellent! Congrats on your win, Steve.