Heart Cafted Poems - 2020
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "Will my legacy be undone?"Musings of an old man -2020
34 total reviews
Comment from Bill Pinder
I like this writing which sounds like it's written with genuine intentions. Sounds like you have some serious regrets from the past like most of us do. Hopefully you expressed a strong love for your family which overrides any negative stuff. If you want to express any love or apologies while you're still alive, please do so. I have been on the bad end where the family did not.
Bill
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2020
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I like this writing which sounds like it's written with genuine intentions. Sounds like you have some serious regrets from the past like most of us do. Hopefully you expressed a strong love for your family which overrides any negative stuff. If you want to express any love or apologies while you're still alive, please do so. I have been on the bad end where the family did not.
Bill
Comment Written 08-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2020
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Thank Bill, More a lagging issue about Corporate life now retired a year later on what I could have done better as a leader.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written Kyrielle about leaving a legacy that will be remembered for many life times. We need to be careful what we say because it can never be unspoken.
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2020
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A very well-written Kyrielle about leaving a legacy that will be remembered for many life times. We need to be careful what we say because it can never be unspoken.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2020
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Sandra, as a retired businessman that is the crux of this poem, did I do it right?
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The format is correct to my knowledge and your repeating line worked well.
Comment from phill doran
Hello Anon Writer
This is a very interesting topic for a poem - particularly one written in the style of a kyrielle (which I believe, ironically, has a religious origin). I think teh sentiment need not be restricted to 'executives' but could apply to any leader - even parents.
I do think you need to work on the second quatrain which appears to have five lines and should really only have 4 - accuracy in this respect is crucial for a contest. I also think this is meant to be rhyming poem? You may wish to re-read the rules: Although 'any' type of rhyme scheme is allowed, I think some form of rhyme must be used.
A final small point, but your subheading should, I think, refer to "...executive's..." with an apostrophe.
I wish you well with your revision and in the contest.
Cheers
phill
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reply by the author on 08-Jan-2020
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Hello Anon Writer
This is a very interesting topic for a poem - particularly one written in the style of a kyrielle (which I believe, ironically, has a religious origin). I think teh sentiment need not be restricted to 'executives' but could apply to any leader - even parents.
I do think you need to work on the second quatrain which appears to have five lines and should really only have 4 - accuracy in this respect is crucial for a contest. I also think this is meant to be rhyming poem? You may wish to re-read the rules: Although 'any' type of rhyme scheme is allowed, I think some form of rhyme must be used.
A final small point, but your subheading should, I think, refer to "...executive's..." with an apostrophe.
I wish you well with your revision and in the contest.
Cheers
phill
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Comment Written 08-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2020
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Thanks for the catch of my error!
Comment from RShipp
I have never tried to write a Kyrielle, nor do I think I have ever purposefully read one, but it seems that you have followed all the requirements for a Kyrielle, and you have stated something of worth. Well done.
"what's said can 'ner be unspoken!" How true... How true!
Best of luck in the Kyrielle Poetry Contest.
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reply by the author on 08-Jan-2020
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I have never tried to write a Kyrielle, nor do I think I have ever purposefully read one, but it seems that you have followed all the requirements for a Kyrielle, and you have stated something of worth. Well done.
"what's said can 'ner be unspoken!" How true... How true!
Best of luck in the Kyrielle Poetry Contest.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2020
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Thank you!