I Hereby Crown Thee ...
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Love and Laughter"A collection of crowns of sonnets
56 total reviews
Comment from Sixteezkid
Fleedleflump, I do not know ANYTHING about this most beautiful form of poetry, so I'm not going to count the syllables and be technical. (of course, it's a six, but none to offer).
However, I do want to say that while reading your most beautiful words, I knew I was reading something very, very special. I love you, your hair, your laugh, your mind, your skin, your heart, your love!!! Exquisite!! and Breathtaking...
Like a woven tapestry.
Thank you for putting your heart and soul into this work and sharing it. I have had my mind opened up even more. And I thank you.
Sue
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2008
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Fleedleflump, I do not know ANYTHING about this most beautiful form of poetry, so I'm not going to count the syllables and be technical. (of course, it's a six, but none to offer).
However, I do want to say that while reading your most beautiful words, I knew I was reading something very, very special. I love you, your hair, your laugh, your mind, your skin, your heart, your love!!! Exquisite!! and Breathtaking...
Like a woven tapestry.
Thank you for putting your heart and soul into this work and sharing it. I have had my mind opened up even more. And I thank you.
Sue
Comment Written 10-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2008
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Thankyou Sue, I am more flattered than I can say. This drained me in the composition, but I don't regret it for a second. If I've reached you even just slightly, then I have been wildly successful.
Mike
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More than you can ever know.
Sue
Comment from wierdgrace
what a journey you took here, the sonnets, the story, the love the emotion and the way you took the words and made it so great and easy to read. I loved this journey. images strong, what a contest, good luck.
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2008
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what a journey you took here, the sonnets, the story, the love the emotion and the way you took the words and made it so great and easy to read. I loved this journey. images strong, what a contest, good luck.
Comment Written 10-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2008
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THankyou Grace :-). It was a fascinating challenge. I'm glad youenjoyed the journey!
Mike
Comment from azbukivedi
Dang, Mike, I am out of sixes. You wrote something truly epic and beautiful. So many poems about love out there, and most of them make me sick, but you pulled it off - it's passionate, eloquent, beautiful, masterful, and never sappy. Personally, I would have picked the first part. :)
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2008
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Dang, Mike, I am out of sixes. You wrote something truly epic and beautiful. So many poems about love out there, and most of them make me sick, but you pulled it off - it's passionate, eloquent, beautiful, masterful, and never sappy. Personally, I would have picked the first part. :)
Comment Written 10-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2008
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Thankyou so much :-). I'm humbled by how many people have taken the time to read my ridiculously long poem. I agree the first part is probably the better one, but I loved the humour of the second one, and I think it's a bit of light relief after the intensity of the first!
Mike
Comment from S.Yocom
Mike, I think this work deserves a seven. Would that it were available. I especially enjoyed the first sonnet. In the fourth stanza, did you mean to say, "Each every"? And I think that the last word of that stanza whould be "set," to rhyme with "met." You have a wonderful feel for the meter of a sonnet, which is my favorite form of poetry. This work is amazing.
Sally
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2008
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Mike, I think this work deserves a seven. Would that it were available. I especially enjoyed the first sonnet. In the fourth stanza, did you mean to say, "Each every"? And I think that the last word of that stanza whould be "set," to rhyme with "met." You have a wonderful feel for the meter of a sonnet, which is my favorite form of poetry. This work is amazing.
Sally
Comment Written 10-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2008
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Thankyou Sally, I am both flattered and very, very happy at your words! I'd got to the point where I didn't know if my effort was good or not any more, so I bit the bullet and posted! Thankyou so much for taking the not incosiderable time to read and send me such lovely feedback.
Mike
Comment from Curt Mongold
My goodness Mike, an epic to say the least! Because of the word usage being as it is, which by the way I think is fantastic, I gave up on the iamb about one quarter of the way down! The rhymes are nearly flawless, the content is sometimes serious, sometimes funny (you filthy knave, release the lady's teat! hilarious) and I truly enjoyed every moment of this long but very worthy piece.
Most sincerely,
Curt
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2008
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My goodness Mike, an epic to say the least! Because of the word usage being as it is, which by the way I think is fantastic, I gave up on the iamb about one quarter of the way down! The rhymes are nearly flawless, the content is sometimes serious, sometimes funny (you filthy knave, release the lady's teat! hilarious) and I truly enjoyed every moment of this long but very worthy piece.
Most sincerely,
Curt
Comment Written 10-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2008
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I'm glad somebody found the second one funny! You're the first to mention it, but that may be because most petered out before getting there! Thankyou Curt, both for staying it for the whole course, and for the fantastic feedback, it goes very much appreciated.
Mike
Comment from GregoryC
This is quite an exceptional epic journey in its breadth and depth. Very impressive. It holds up throughout its length and really covers a lot of territory. The word choice, dialogue, rhyme, meter and rhythm work together to give us a real clear picture. This all shows you devoted a lot of time to get it right.
Your descriptions are very vivid and establishes a distinct voice, beautiful and troubling, and memorable as few poets are. To come back to this work is to realize how tenaciously you've structured your phrases and they cling to the mind, whether as bursts of startling clarity or nagging unresolved fragments. To absorb this work early on was to need, at some later point, to be delivered from it, to clear the way for alternative incoming radio signals, even if the only way to do that was to burrow ever deeper into those opaque sentences as if looking for an exit: i.e "The orange Eastern sun did slowly set,
And shadows did cascade upon a path.
It led the way until the summit met.
"A staircase to a mountain's top," John laughed."
The language throughout is exquisite, real and purposeful. And with all this exquisite sense of craft and literary heritage, your poems are unshakeable with the conception of what a perfect poem might look like, This is part of the equation, but not the full equation. You have a superb talent. Want to read more!!
Gregory
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2008
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This is quite an exceptional epic journey in its breadth and depth. Very impressive. It holds up throughout its length and really covers a lot of territory. The word choice, dialogue, rhyme, meter and rhythm work together to give us a real clear picture. This all shows you devoted a lot of time to get it right.
Your descriptions are very vivid and establishes a distinct voice, beautiful and troubling, and memorable as few poets are. To come back to this work is to realize how tenaciously you've structured your phrases and they cling to the mind, whether as bursts of startling clarity or nagging unresolved fragments. To absorb this work early on was to need, at some later point, to be delivered from it, to clear the way for alternative incoming radio signals, even if the only way to do that was to burrow ever deeper into those opaque sentences as if looking for an exit: i.e "The orange Eastern sun did slowly set,
And shadows did cascade upon a path.
It led the way until the summit met.
"A staircase to a mountain's top," John laughed."
The language throughout is exquisite, real and purposeful. And with all this exquisite sense of craft and literary heritage, your poems are unshakeable with the conception of what a perfect poem might look like, This is part of the equation, but not the full equation. You have a superb talent. Want to read more!!
Gregory
Comment Written 10-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2008
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Wow... Thankyou Gregory. I am humbled by your fantastic, and decidedly ego-enhancing response to my work :-) I am so glad I was able to "get through" to you, at least in my own small way, and your words give me the motivation to keep trying and pushing to make my words better.
Mike
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It was a pleasure to read your work. You deserve the recognition. Nice job. Warmest regards, Gregory
Comment from raimie
Love at first sight had claimed them for its own
a fabulous line. I love this fable you have written and i say that because a fable teaches a moral. Surely if this was written in another time it would surely have been to discourage premarital sex, as the unicorn new of their deed, just by looking at them, lol
A great modern twist on the old knight slays the dragon bit!
The first section was also very well done. If there is a women who does all of this for you, for god sales don't let her go! If not than don't hold against us average women, lol
I read this and saw no spag, generally I read every thing twice. However, this was so lengthy I just don't have the time.
Your labour of love, is an exceptional piece and should land you as the winner of this contest.
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2008
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Love at first sight had claimed them for its own
a fabulous line. I love this fable you have written and i say that because a fable teaches a moral. Surely if this was written in another time it would surely have been to discourage premarital sex, as the unicorn new of their deed, just by looking at them, lol
A great modern twist on the old knight slays the dragon bit!
The first section was also very well done. If there is a women who does all of this for you, for god sales don't let her go! If not than don't hold against us average women, lol
I read this and saw no spag, generally I read every thing twice. However, this was so lengthy I just don't have the time.
Your labour of love, is an exceptional piece and should land you as the winner of this contest.
Comment Written 10-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2008
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Thankyou so much Raimie for your kind review and your encouraging words. Also, thankyou for commenting on the second act, as most have concentrated on the first one. I know they aren't alike at all, but they both sprang from this contest so it seemed right to me so post them together...
Once again, thankyou for reading; that's the greatest praise of all :-)
Mike
Comment from chaswriter
Fleedleflump - First epic poem that I have read at FS and I am impressed by the storylines. I wish that you had posted the two acts separately but I understand that it is a contest entry. The two acts have separate storylines, first of love and the second of a knight's journey. I enjoyed both, particularly the rhyme and stories. You definitely have a contender. Charlie.
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2008
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Fleedleflump - First epic poem that I have read at FS and I am impressed by the storylines. I wish that you had posted the two acts separately but I understand that it is a contest entry. The two acts have separate storylines, first of love and the second of a knight's journey. I enjoyed both, particularly the rhyme and stories. You definitely have a contender. Charlie.
Comment Written 10-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2008
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Thankyou Charlie. I know they are two very different poems, but both came from the inspiration this contest struck in me. Try as I might, I could not pick may favourite, so I decided to post both at once!
Thanks for the encouraging words; I've never really tried anything even close to this long before, so It's heartening to know that I haven't completely messed it up :-)
Mike
Comment from minopavlic
My rating is based on the creativity within your story. For the intended audience it is a captivating tale, which in itself would leave the reader with an inpact-ful message, which in essence is the basis of all writing.
I find great pleasure in reviewing everything you write, as within you there is such awesome creativity, your imagination is on full throttle. Your expressionalism goes beyond commendable. I believe that within your own personal journey through life's adventure there are many great stories of struggles and achievements. I look forward to reading such stories, as after a while you may find yourself writing a novel based on your experiences. We all have much to share, and myself being anyalitical by nature, your words express a learning experience.
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2008
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My rating is based on the creativity within your story. For the intended audience it is a captivating tale, which in itself would leave the reader with an inpact-ful message, which in essence is the basis of all writing.
I find great pleasure in reviewing everything you write, as within you there is such awesome creativity, your imagination is on full throttle. Your expressionalism goes beyond commendable. I believe that within your own personal journey through life's adventure there are many great stories of struggles and achievements. I look forward to reading such stories, as after a while you may find yourself writing a novel based on your experiences. We all have much to share, and myself being anyalitical by nature, your words express a learning experience.
Comment Written 10-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2008
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Thankyou N.O., your words mean a lot to me, and I appreciate the time you've taken in reading my work.
Fleedleflump
Comment from Gramma Kathy
This was very enjoyable to read. I love your word pictures, like this:
"It holds us like the ocean holds the whale,
And warms us like the sun surrounds the bird.
It keeps us like the air that we inhale,
And frees us like the toll of death knells heard."
You have carried me away on two very different journeys - and yet not so different. Your romantic heart beats through each verse.
Lovely and well written, I wish you good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2008
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This was very enjoyable to read. I love your word pictures, like this:
"It holds us like the ocean holds the whale,
And warms us like the sun surrounds the bird.
It keeps us like the air that we inhale,
And frees us like the toll of death knells heard."
You have carried me away on two very different journeys - and yet not so different. Your romantic heart beats through each verse.
Lovely and well written, I wish you good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 10-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2008
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Thankyou Kathy. It's been a long time in creation, but I am very pleased with the outcome, and have had some lovely feedback.
I am glad you enjoyed taking the journey :-)
Mike