Ease My Pain
For my friend, Gaye150 total reviews
Comment from janna777
This is a wonderful, amazing, strong story. I mean, the events. As for the way it's written, I'm not sure. This is my main problem with writing on this site: most people don't stop to ask: WHAT is the best way to tell this story? They tell their story like ti's the only way. Oh, how wrong. Any story can be told a multitude of different ways, so how do you even pick? This is when writing begins, i think.
Your story can be told as fiction or non-fiction. I would actually pick fiction, for once it's more marketable. I think it could make a great short story IF you did two things: gave us more about characters and focused more on the two main turning events of the story: when she learns that her ex and her friend are a couple, and when she learns that she got cancer. The second one, you at least tried to describe: it was a phone call. I would still want to know more about your reaction to it, more about your emotions and your thoughts.
The first one, you didn't even touch upon. How did you know? did you suspect? Did they tell you together? Etc. Oh, this scene can be a centerpiece of the story.
Also, characters. You didn't even begin to touch them. Maybe you don't want to describe yourself (but that's why I said it could be good as fiction, without YOU as you), but your friend definitely needs to be described.
Also, kids. No woman can talk about her life taking kids into the account. How did they react to the discovery?
In short, great story, but not enough flesh in the writing. Brief is not always brilliant. And the story rich as this deserves more writing space.
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2010
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This is a wonderful, amazing, strong story. I mean, the events. As for the way it's written, I'm not sure. This is my main problem with writing on this site: most people don't stop to ask: WHAT is the best way to tell this story? They tell their story like ti's the only way. Oh, how wrong. Any story can be told a multitude of different ways, so how do you even pick? This is when writing begins, i think.
Your story can be told as fiction or non-fiction. I would actually pick fiction, for once it's more marketable. I think it could make a great short story IF you did two things: gave us more about characters and focused more on the two main turning events of the story: when she learns that her ex and her friend are a couple, and when she learns that she got cancer. The second one, you at least tried to describe: it was a phone call. I would still want to know more about your reaction to it, more about your emotions and your thoughts.
The first one, you didn't even touch upon. How did you know? did you suspect? Did they tell you together? Etc. Oh, this scene can be a centerpiece of the story.
Also, characters. You didn't even begin to touch them. Maybe you don't want to describe yourself (but that's why I said it could be good as fiction, without YOU as you), but your friend definitely needs to be described.
Also, kids. No woman can talk about her life taking kids into the account. How did they react to the discovery?
In short, great story, but not enough flesh in the writing. Brief is not always brilliant. And the story rich as this deserves more writing space.
Comment Written 14-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2010
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I do appreciate your comments. I often write fictional accounts of events in my life, but in this case, I chose the bare truth. Thanks for taking the time to share your views.
Jani
Comment from Auroraboreal800
This is incredibly painful, I know it by personal experience, after twenty years of divorce I recently marry again and had forget everything, but "the other one" is not my friend, not yet...
I wonder if she has read this yet? Has your ex?
Thanks for sharing. God bless you Jani,
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2010
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This is incredibly painful, I know it by personal experience, after twenty years of divorce I recently marry again and had forget everything, but "the other one" is not my friend, not yet...
I wonder if she has read this yet? Has your ex?
Thanks for sharing. God bless you Jani,
Comment Written 14-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2010
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Thank you so much. I really appreciate your kind words.
Jani
Comment from Spirit Roc
Wow, I absolutely loved reading this and it definately pulled on my heart strings. I have suffered domestic violence so that part captured me a little but just the whole piece and how being strong enough to forgive can be such a positive and powerful thing. Well done, excellent!
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2010
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Wow, I absolutely loved reading this and it definately pulled on my heart strings. I have suffered domestic violence so that part captured me a little but just the whole piece and how being strong enough to forgive can be such a positive and powerful thing. Well done, excellent!
Comment Written 14-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2010
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Thank you so much. I am honored by your rating and kind words. I am so sorry it's taken me this long to respond. Thank you!
Janilou
Comment from midgev
I had to wait to stop crying to write this review. It spoke to my heart. Five years ago, shortly after my dear mother died, I took a trip to Arizona. My mother was very ill for a long time and during the last 3 years of her life was bedridden, I took care of her at homeand after her passing I needed to get away to heal. I asked my friend of 30 years Gregg to go with me. He had had some rough times too and had been sober for 3 years. During the vacation went to Mexico and he started drinking. He turned into a monster and ruined what had started out to be a very good journey. When we returned home I wouldn't talk to him, I refused to take his calls. Less than a year later he died of a drug overdose. We never reconciled and I understood how foolish I had been. Through prayer I have realized I need to forgive myself but keep the lesson fresh in my heart. God, who is perfect, forgives us our sins, we should be able to forgive others. You wrote this beautifully and I hope that each reader gets the message before they have to live with the regrets I have. Bless you, midge
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2010
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I had to wait to stop crying to write this review. It spoke to my heart. Five years ago, shortly after my dear mother died, I took a trip to Arizona. My mother was very ill for a long time and during the last 3 years of her life was bedridden, I took care of her at homeand after her passing I needed to get away to heal. I asked my friend of 30 years Gregg to go with me. He had had some rough times too and had been sober for 3 years. During the vacation went to Mexico and he started drinking. He turned into a monster and ruined what had started out to be a very good journey. When we returned home I wouldn't talk to him, I refused to take his calls. Less than a year later he died of a drug overdose. We never reconciled and I understood how foolish I had been. Through prayer I have realized I need to forgive myself but keep the lesson fresh in my heart. God, who is perfect, forgives us our sins, we should be able to forgive others. You wrote this beautifully and I hope that each reader gets the message before they have to live with the regrets I have. Bless you, midge
Comment Written 14-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2010
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Bless your heart. Thank you so much for sharing your story with me, because it is the very essence of what I was trying to express. I am glad you have realized you need to forgive yourself, to give yourself the same kindness for making a mistake you would give to another.
Hugs,
Jan
Comment from cooknnana
I just love this! It's a heart wrenching story. How would any of react in the same situation? We feel we have the right to our pain and forget the pain we cause with our "suffering." I can't say enough good things about it; words fail to express the emotion this invokes. I hope your friend is alright.
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2010
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I just love this! It's a heart wrenching story. How would any of react in the same situation? We feel we have the right to our pain and forget the pain we cause with our "suffering." I can't say enough good things about it; words fail to express the emotion this invokes. I hope your friend is alright.
Comment Written 14-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2010
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Many, many thanks for this wonderful review and of course, the six stars. You have blessed my heart. My friend is currently in remission! :-)
Jan
Comment from amada
I'm so glad you are not hiding under the "just fiction" theme. I admire the way you walked thru the sad and difficult hours. You are strong, and blessed. I am so glad I saw this story.
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2010
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I'm so glad you are not hiding under the "just fiction" theme. I admire the way you walked thru the sad and difficult hours. You are strong, and blessed. I am so glad I saw this story.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2010
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Thank you so much!
Jan
Comment from JW
The lessons on learns in life sometimes come with great pain and sorrow. Your emotionally-filled story demonstrates this quite well.
Great job. Jonathon
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2010
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The lessons on learns in life sometimes come with great pain and sorrow. Your emotionally-filled story demonstrates this quite well.
Great job. Jonathon
Comment Written 13-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2010
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Thank you!
Comment from LostAgain
Wow, just wow. This was just powerful. I could relate to much of what was being said in the beginning, and I felt myself choking up in the middle and ending. I still am, to be totally honest. This was just wonderful, powerful, and straight from the heart and I loved it. How true it is that we cannot hold onto bitterness and past hurts, and when we feel so wronged and begrudging we are so often the ones in need of forgiveness. Great work!
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2010
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Wow, just wow. This was just powerful. I could relate to much of what was being said in the beginning, and I felt myself choking up in the middle and ending. I still am, to be totally honest. This was just wonderful, powerful, and straight from the heart and I loved it. How true it is that we cannot hold onto bitterness and past hurts, and when we feel so wronged and begrudging we are so often the ones in need of forgiveness. Great work!
Comment Written 13-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2010
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Many, many thanks. I am honored by your words and the rating. Many, many thanks!
Jan
Comment from CKLA
Your story is written well. There is strong emotion and a lesson for all of us.
Learn to let go of the anger and bitterness and we will feel love and forgiveness.
I hope things work out for you.
Collette
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2010
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Your story is written well. There is strong emotion and a lesson for all of us.
Learn to let go of the anger and bitterness and we will feel love and forgiveness.
I hope things work out for you.
Collette
Comment Written 13-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2010
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Thank you.
Comment from Harrisa
Your well told story touch my heart. I'm a stubborn one too, and this is just what I needed to hear. Now I will have to rethink the grudges I hold and pray I can forgive those who have used or abused my kindness for weakness. Thank you very much.
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2010
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Your well told story touch my heart. I'm a stubborn one too, and this is just what I needed to hear. Now I will have to rethink the grudges I hold and pray I can forgive those who have used or abused my kindness for weakness. Thank you very much.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2010
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Thank you so much! Your comments and the rating are wonderful.
Jan