Another Pretty Face
Viewing comments for Chapter 24 "Chapter 10; part two"Can love survive small town gossip?
71 total reviews
Comment from Sefiros
I harumphhed through the whole story. Why do people muddle through the bullshit? Does he like me, doesn't he like me . . . just say your feelings and be done with it. I was expecting some casual grief-stricken sex. It's like watching a movie all the way to the last battle and the film suddenly ends without knowing what happened (hmm that's a story idea). Good luck. Fight the fatigue.
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2010
  |
I harumphhed through the whole story. Why do people muddle through the bullshit? Does he like me, doesn't he like me . . . just say your feelings and be done with it. I was expecting some casual grief-stricken sex. It's like watching a movie all the way to the last battle and the film suddenly ends without knowing what happened (hmm that's a story idea). Good luck. Fight the fatigue.
Comment Written 14-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2010
-
Thank you for your interesting review. Romance novels work a little difference than other genres.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
Oh, what a lovely romantic
Joe is - and such a comfort
to Sara - when she gets Carrie
back she will be afraid to
let the girl out of her sight.
Well written, my friend.
Margaret.
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2010
|
Oh, what a lovely romantic
Joe is - and such a comfort
to Sara - when she gets Carrie
back she will be afraid to
let the girl out of her sight.
Well written, my friend.
Margaret.
Comment Written 14-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2010
-
Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from dmjones
I'm glad Sara realized she needed Joe and went to get him. It's alway better to have two in times of crisis. A well written chapter. I enjoyed it and didn't see any spag.
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2010
|
I'm glad Sara realized she needed Joe and went to get him. It's alway better to have two in times of crisis. A well written chapter. I enjoyed it and didn't see any spag.
Comment Written 14-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2010
-
Thank you for your kind review. It won't be long before we get to the action.
Comment from gramalot8
Barbara, it is nice to read about Joe and Sara sharing a little bit of romance between the two of them. I'm glad that Joe got to grips with the relationship between George and Sara and let it go. Good job and looking forward to more as always.
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2010
|
Barbara, it is nice to read about Joe and Sara sharing a little bit of romance between the two of them. I'm glad that Joe got to grips with the relationship between George and Sara and let it go. Good job and looking forward to more as always.
Comment Written 14-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2010
-
Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Dave M
Barbara,
This is an excellent chapter. I enjoyed this read and have one suggestion:
"Angry because she fell in love with him, she threw the bedroom door open, stomped to [the] couch, and slugged his upper arm."
Actually, Sara shows some spunk by slugging Joe's arm. She's letting Joe know that she loves him, but on her own terms.
Dave
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2010
|
Barbara,
This is an excellent chapter. I enjoyed this read and have one suggestion:
"Angry because she fell in love with him, she threw the bedroom door open, stomped to [the] couch, and slugged his upper arm."
Actually, Sara shows some spunk by slugging Joe's arm. She's letting Joe know that she loves him, but on her own terms.
Dave
Comment Written 14-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2010
-
Thank you for catching that. I missed a lot of those little, but important words this time. Aren't all of us women somewhat spunky?
Comment from Ted T
Hi Barbara :)
I wish you well. I understand your feelings. My Barb started losing her hair toward the last because of the meds and the Hep-"C" that was eating at her liver. I pretended not to notice and lied about not being aware of it.
You're okay because you're going to get through it and your beautiful hair will come back as radiant as ever.
I can't critique this chapter because there's nothing wrong with it that I can see. You're writing "formula" romance and it will fly with most of your readers.
Looking at it from a "commercial fiction" view, I have issues. Joe finding Sara in George's arms is cliche, but works within the "romance" structure. Your readers will love it.
At this point in the story for Joe to be questioning Sara's love doesn't ring true.
Some of Sara's internal dialogue is too complete and too long for random thought. She also talks to herself too much. She goes to the window after slamming the bedroom door, talks to herself again and then has another long internal dialogue.
As I said, this might all work well in "formula romance." However, it would come off weak in "commercial fiction."
Those are just my observations and I'm sure your die-hard fans will disagree with me.
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2010
|
Hi Barbara :)
I wish you well. I understand your feelings. My Barb started losing her hair toward the last because of the meds and the Hep-"C" that was eating at her liver. I pretended not to notice and lied about not being aware of it.
You're okay because you're going to get through it and your beautiful hair will come back as radiant as ever.
I can't critique this chapter because there's nothing wrong with it that I can see. You're writing "formula" romance and it will fly with most of your readers.
Looking at it from a "commercial fiction" view, I have issues. Joe finding Sara in George's arms is cliche, but works within the "romance" structure. Your readers will love it.
At this point in the story for Joe to be questioning Sara's love doesn't ring true.
Some of Sara's internal dialogue is too complete and too long for random thought. She also talks to herself too much. She goes to the window after slamming the bedroom door, talks to herself again and then has another long internal dialogue.
As I said, this might all work well in "formula romance." However, it would come off weak in "commercial fiction."
Those are just my observations and I'm sure your die-hard fans will disagree with me.
Comment Written 14-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2010
-
Your review is the only critism I have had on the internal dialogue. I will look at it. I feel it is necessary to the story in order to get Sara's conflict in the open. I did miss many small, but important words. I think I have most of them corrected.
Comment from bowls
All my best wishes go out to you with this review. What's hair, anyway? Most men lose it all sooner or later, and if they can get along without it, women should be able to, too!
Thanks for a lovely chapter. I'm so glad the romance is starting to develop in earnest. I love the way you're using paint and colour as a background to the unfolding of the plot.
Take care!
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2010
|
All my best wishes go out to you with this review. What's hair, anyway? Most men lose it all sooner or later, and if they can get along without it, women should be able to, too!
Thanks for a lovely chapter. I'm so glad the romance is starting to develop in earnest. I love the way you're using paint and colour as a background to the unfolding of the plot.
Take care!
Comment Written 14-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2010
-
Thank you for your kind review. I appreciate your encouragement. Many men go without shirts, but I am not sure women should. (LOL)
Comment from L.lora
Excellent...
Barbara this is a wonderful
addition to your storyline.
Your discriptions paint the
mind with good images while
your dialogues are endearing.
I like how you are showing how
Sara and Joe are becoming more
familiar with each other, forging
a bond--. A most enjoyable read.
no nits or spags.
You are doing fine with your writing,
extraordinary considering what you
are going through--I applaud you.
Prayers will continue, try to do
only what is comfortable-don't over
do. Please know that you are in all
of our thoughts. Hugs, Lora
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2010
|
Excellent...
Barbara this is a wonderful
addition to your storyline.
Your discriptions paint the
mind with good images while
your dialogues are endearing.
I like how you are showing how
Sara and Joe are becoming more
familiar with each other, forging
a bond--. A most enjoyable read.
no nits or spags.
You are doing fine with your writing,
extraordinary considering what you
are going through--I applaud you.
Prayers will continue, try to do
only what is comfortable-don't over
do. Please know that you are in all
of our thoughts. Hugs, Lora
Comment Written 13-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2010
-
Thank you for your kind prayers. I appreciate the kind review.
Comment from Begin Again
Barbara,
I love the interaction beytween Joe and Sara and how she goes back and forth with her emotions....the same as we all do in difficult times.
I am glad that you have your writing as an outlet at this time in your life..sometimes putting our emotions into our stories helps us in personal ways as well. Good luck Barb, I'm thinking of you...
Carol
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2010
|
Barbara,
I love the interaction beytween Joe and Sara and how she goes back and forth with her emotions....the same as we all do in difficult times.
I am glad that you have your writing as an outlet at this time in your life..sometimes putting our emotions into our stories helps us in personal ways as well. Good luck Barb, I'm thinking of you...
Carol
Comment Written 13-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2010
-
Thank you for your kind review and continued support.
Comment from Pili Pubul
I am sorry that I had not time to read all the chapters, but I love very much so far what I read, you write very real and natural, excellent dialogue.
I am sorry that you are experiencing so much fatigue, it is too what bother me a lot, perhaps after chemo you will have beautiful hair, it happens...
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2010
|
I am sorry that I had not time to read all the chapters, but I love very much so far what I read, you write very real and natural, excellent dialogue.
I am sorry that you are experiencing so much fatigue, it is too what bother me a lot, perhaps after chemo you will have beautiful hair, it happens...
Comment Written 13-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2010
-
Thank you for your encouraging words. I appreciate the kind review.
-
You very welcome my corageous friend.