Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "Part three Chapter four"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
75 total reviews
Comment from fairy77
That story was not that interesting but the message was clear and I can understand your situation.There was a lack of plot.I think when you get your strength back you will prospure.Amazing dialogue.I learned a lot at the end.I`m already a fan.Hope you feel better soon.Keats32 Beth
reply by the author on 23-May-2011
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That story was not that interesting but the message was clear and I can understand your situation.There was a lack of plot.I think when you get your strength back you will prospure.Amazing dialogue.I learned a lot at the end.I`m already a fan.Hope you feel better soon.Keats32 Beth
Comment Written 23-May-2011
reply by the author on 23-May-2011
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This is a building post. We will needs all this information later. Not all posts can be action packed. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from LKM2009
Good luck with your health. I enjoyed your story. Ofcourse I am curious to know the whereabouts of Anna. I will be looking forward to the next chapter.
reply by the author on 23-May-2011
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Good luck with your health. I enjoyed your story. Ofcourse I am curious to know the whereabouts of Anna. I will be looking forward to the next chapter.
Comment Written 22-May-2011
reply by the author on 23-May-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from jamma
Another fine installment to your book. It's such a tough subject, but a totally worthwhile project. Thank you for honoring those who have been abused. Good writing. You draw the reader in and keep them hooked. I want to know what happens next.
reply by the author on 23-May-2011
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Another fine installment to your book. It's such a tough subject, but a totally worthwhile project. Thank you for honoring those who have been abused. Good writing. You draw the reader in and keep them hooked. I want to know what happens next.
Comment Written 22-May-2011
reply by the author on 23-May-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from axelbeariter
Troy parked and waited for his dad, who had parked farther away, to walk up to him. "I doubt Mr. Keller will tell us anything."/Fix this paragraph. If Troy was waiting for his dad to show up, he wouldn't be already talking.----In Author Notes: but I'm sure my mind has been else where and I've missed something./else where s/b elsewhere----Good fortune on the radiation. Last June, I had it too, for prostate cancer. Worked like a charm./Another good chapter inspite of your strife.
reply by the author on 23-May-2011
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Troy parked and waited for his dad, who had parked farther away, to walk up to him. "I doubt Mr. Keller will tell us anything."/Fix this paragraph. If Troy was waiting for his dad to show up, he wouldn't be already talking.----In Author Notes: but I'm sure my mind has been else where and I've missed something./else where s/b elsewhere----Good fortune on the radiation. Last June, I had it too, for prostate cancer. Worked like a charm./Another good chapter inspite of your strife.
Comment Written 22-May-2011
reply by the author on 23-May-2011
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Thank you for that kind review and I will correct that area.
Comment from Nanashirley
It is a good chapter. I like the way you have built the tension and the dread. The characters are growing well. I saw no need for editing.
reply by the author on 23-May-2011
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It is a good chapter. I like the way you have built the tension and the dread. The characters are growing well. I saw no need for editing.
Comment Written 22-May-2011
reply by the author on 23-May-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from denhagan
This was an interesting chapter of the book, called, "Lonely Hearts Meet", to read. It was about Troy and his dad trying to help out Anna and her son Michael.
I enjoyed reading this chapter.
reply by the author on 23-May-2011
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This was an interesting chapter of the book, called, "Lonely Hearts Meet", to read. It was about Troy and his dad trying to help out Anna and her son Michael.
I enjoyed reading this chapter.
Comment Written 22-May-2011
reply by the author on 23-May-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.
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You're welcome. ~denhagan
Comment from bhogg
Hi Barbara - another great post. You've managed to create a lot of tension in this one. You've got me hooked, so you know I'll stay tuned to see what happens. Always warm regards, Bill
reply by the author on 22-May-2011
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Hi Barbara - another great post. You've managed to create a lot of tension in this one. You've got me hooked, so you know I'll stay tuned to see what happens. Always warm regards, Bill
Comment Written 22-May-2011
reply by the author on 22-May-2011
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Thank you for your kind review and support.
Comment from Dave M
Barbara,
I remember that a volunteer offered to help Anna, but now we wonder what they did. I enjoyed this read and have several suggestions, all involving wordsmithing. I found no nits.
"A little after one o'clock [lunchtime], Paul entered Anna's room and saw the vacant bed." I couldn't tell if the time was afternoon or early morning until I read a bit further.
"I don't know where your son or your wife is for that matter." This seems a bit awkward, since the verb technically should be "are." But I'd write this as, "I don't know where your son is, or your wife for that matter."
"Troy parked and waited for his dad, who had parked farther away, to walk up to him." I don't think you need this level of explanation. I'd say, "Troy parked and watched his dad walk toward him."
Dave
reply by the author on 23-May-2011
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Barbara,
I remember that a volunteer offered to help Anna, but now we wonder what they did. I enjoyed this read and have several suggestions, all involving wordsmithing. I found no nits.
"A little after one o'clock [lunchtime], Paul entered Anna's room and saw the vacant bed." I couldn't tell if the time was afternoon or early morning until I read a bit further.
"I don't know where your son or your wife is for that matter." This seems a bit awkward, since the verb technically should be "are." But I'd write this as, "I don't know where your son is, or your wife for that matter."
"Troy parked and waited for his dad, who had parked farther away, to walk up to him." I don't think you need this level of explanation. I'd say, "Troy parked and watched his dad walk toward him."
Dave
Comment Written 22-May-2011
reply by the author on 23-May-2011
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Thank you for your kind review and support. I will take care of those areas. I value your input.
Comment from quashdog
You move the story right along. I'm not sure I like where it is going, Bobby is a real jackass and could really hurt this woman and their son. Good piece of story telling.
reply by the author on 22-May-2011
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You move the story right along. I'm not sure I like where it is going, Bobby is a real jackass and could really hurt this woman and their son. Good piece of story telling.
Comment Written 22-May-2011
reply by the author on 22-May-2011
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Anna and Michael will end up all right, I can assure you of that. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from RebelRose
Another great chapter which I enjoyed reading and reviewing. I have to say, though, that the real high point of this post was the good news in your author's notes. Not only about the beginning of your healing but the fact that your son arrived home safely for a visit. I know that means the world to you. Please tell him I said 'thanks' for all he and his fellow soldiers are doing.
reply by the author on 22-May-2011
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Another great chapter which I enjoyed reading and reviewing. I have to say, though, that the real high point of this post was the good news in your author's notes. Not only about the beginning of your healing but the fact that your son arrived home safely for a visit. I know that means the world to you. Please tell him I said 'thanks' for all he and his fellow soldiers are doing.
Comment Written 22-May-2011
reply by the author on 22-May-2011
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Thank you for your kind review and support. I will give Greg your message.