Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 29 "Part 2, Chapter 9"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
81 total reviews
Comment from Sherry Parnell
The dialogue is good and the storyline moves quickly. There was one passage, "stocking cart in the way blocking his passage" which I understand but was a little confusing in the wording...perhaps you could reword a bit. Also, the smaller type, I am assuming that is the woman's private thoughts, correct?
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2011
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The dialogue is good and the storyline moves quickly. There was one passage, "stocking cart in the way blocking his passage" which I understand but was a little confusing in the wording...perhaps you could reword a bit. Also, the smaller type, I am assuming that is the woman's private thoughts, correct?
Comment Written 29-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2011
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Thank you for your kind review. I will check that area.
Comment from MizKat
Barbara - This is a really great chapter to your book. I feel sorry for Anna, who was too hurt by what she saw to give Troy a chance to explain. I see you had Troy's and Anna's thoughts in the same chapter. I've gotten called on that more than once. They told me a chapter should only have one person's thoughts. Go figure. I thought it sounded fine. Kat
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2011
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Barbara - This is a really great chapter to your book. I feel sorry for Anna, who was too hurt by what she saw to give Troy a chance to explain. I see you had Troy's and Anna's thoughts in the same chapter. I've gotten called on that more than once. They told me a chapter should only have one person's thoughts. Go figure. I thought it sounded fine. Kat
Comment Written 29-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from amada
Wakening up just as hints of dawn filled the sky. This phrase blew my mind away because I liked it so much! WoW! This image is in my mind now...I read the chapter though!
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2011
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Wakening up just as hints of dawn filled the sky. This phrase blew my mind away because I liked it so much! WoW! This image is in my mind now...I read the chapter though!
Comment Written 29-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from teacherdub
The flow is good in this chapter. Troy and Anna's relationship has taken on a new element---jealousy. Plot seems to be leading up to Anna having to face her true feelings about she and Troy's relationship. Good read.
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2011
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The flow is good in this chapter. Troy and Anna's relationship has taken on a new element---jealousy. Plot seems to be leading up to Anna having to face her true feelings about she and Troy's relationship. Good read.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from stanishmichelle
The breaking news was enough to upset Anna, and I found this clever writing. She needs to remember that although she is safe, others were not lucky, and were too scared like herself to escape. She had good support. Anna needs to sort her feelings out for Troy. He's very nice and she must realize that he would never hurt her as he loves her. She's insecure about that relationship. I hope that works out. I share Troy's concern about the building security. This is an interesting story.
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2011
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The breaking news was enough to upset Anna, and I found this clever writing. She needs to remember that although she is safe, others were not lucky, and were too scared like herself to escape. She had good support. Anna needs to sort her feelings out for Troy. He's very nice and she must realize that he would never hurt her as he loves her. She's insecure about that relationship. I hope that works out. I share Troy's concern about the building security. This is an interesting story.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Cheryl Daphine
Good chapter Barbara. I understand her ability to jump to conclusions.Hasn't had the best of luck choosing men. Hope she doesn't become careless. Very well written story. Best wishes with school this year.
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2011
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Good chapter Barbara. I understand her ability to jump to conclusions.Hasn't had the best of luck choosing men. Hope she doesn't become careless. Very well written story. Best wishes with school this year.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Herb
Another nicely written chapter. Your easy style and dialogue is easy to follow. Keep the chapters coming as i'm sure there is a market for this type of stuff.
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2011
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Another nicely written chapter. Your easy style and dialogue is easy to follow. Keep the chapters coming as i'm sure there is a market for this type of stuff.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Juliette Chamberlain
I must say, I think it was rather ungracious of Anna, to accept the groceries and dismiss Troy with a thank you note taped to the door.
This just does not feel like the actions one would expect from a mature person.
That apart, I saw no spag.
Juliette
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2011
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I must say, I think it was rather ungracious of Anna, to accept the groceries and dismiss Troy with a thank you note taped to the door.
This just does not feel like the actions one would expect from a mature person.
That apart, I saw no spag.
Juliette
Comment Written 29-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2011
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Thank you for your kind review. Anna has a long way to go, I think she will grow throughout the novel.
Comment from elgone
Your piece touches me. I'm one of the lucky ones who grew up in a solid loving family. I never had to worry all that much. But I know other people and their backgrounds. One inspired the Ela'na wolfcat character in my writing.
What truly amazes me about her is what also amazes me about humanity. We are survivors if and when you and I care to become that. You would not believe what she endured in her childhood or her young adult life. Yet, she is one of the nicest people I know.
She called me once to tell me there was a very large spider in her bathtub. The trouble is I live in Florida and she lives south of L.A. I knew her well enough to understand she didn't seek advice on how to kill it. She wanted to capture it and them carry it outside and set it free.
She turned her pain and suffering around in such a way that she does not want to harm any living thing. That is the most remarkable and inspiring thing about her. I really hope the character I have based on her conveys that.
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2011
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Your piece touches me. I'm one of the lucky ones who grew up in a solid loving family. I never had to worry all that much. But I know other people and their backgrounds. One inspired the Ela'na wolfcat character in my writing.
What truly amazes me about her is what also amazes me about humanity. We are survivors if and when you and I care to become that. You would not believe what she endured in her childhood or her young adult life. Yet, she is one of the nicest people I know.
She called me once to tell me there was a very large spider in her bathtub. The trouble is I live in Florida and she lives south of L.A. I knew her well enough to understand she didn't seek advice on how to kill it. She wanted to capture it and them carry it outside and set it free.
She turned her pain and suffering around in such a way that she does not want to harm any living thing. That is the most remarkable and inspiring thing about her. I really hope the character I have based on her conveys that.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2011
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Thank you for your kind review and sharing your story.
Comment from Karen Payton Holt
Not a mistake in sight, as far as I can see.
As always, buying into Anna's emotional frame of mind is effortless, you paint a picture of her, and her inner turmoil so well.
The misunderstanding, so simple and yet for her, devastating.
Another perfectly pitched well written chapter.
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2011
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Not a mistake in sight, as far as I can see.
As always, buying into Anna's emotional frame of mind is effortless, you paint a picture of her, and her inner turmoil so well.
The misunderstanding, so simple and yet for her, devastating.
Another perfectly pitched well written chapter.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.