Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "Yusice Moon"Murder Mystery
44 total reviews
Comment from InterestingRon
Hi Bev
A beautifully crafted chapter full of intriguing detail.
The diary entry is also suitably eerie. One small tip. I remember Winston Smith in 1984 writing a rather dull diary. At one point he stops and finds that his subconscious mind has written I HATE BIG BROTHER over and over without his knowledge. A good way to display a troubled mind.
Ron xox
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2012
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Hi Bev
A beautifully crafted chapter full of intriguing detail.
The diary entry is also suitably eerie. One small tip. I remember Winston Smith in 1984 writing a rather dull diary. At one point he stops and finds that his subconscious mind has written I HATE BIG BROTHER over and over without his knowledge. A good way to display a troubled mind.
Ron xox
Comment Written 06-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2012
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Oh, I like that, Ron. Hmm ... have to see how I can incorporate that excellent suggestion. Your generous review, and more, your lovely words of support mean so much, I hope you know. Xxx Bev
Comment from Dawn Munro
I find absolutely nothing but a very small correction to by made - no capital needed on "(T)he percussive love calls..." - it's following a colon, still part of the same sentence. Otherwise, it's wonderful! The plot is strong, exiting and the 'voice' is consistent, the descriptions are vivid, the dialogue natural and extremely interesting, the grab for attention in the first paragraph works perfectly, and your ending couldn't be more suspenseful or a better lead to the next chapter!
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2012
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I find absolutely nothing but a very small correction to by made - no capital needed on "(T)he percussive love calls..." - it's following a colon, still part of the same sentence. Otherwise, it's wonderful! The plot is strong, exiting and the 'voice' is consistent, the descriptions are vivid, the dialogue natural and extremely interesting, the grab for attention in the first paragraph works perfectly, and your ending couldn't be more suspenseful or a better lead to the next chapter!
Comment Written 06-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2012
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Thank you so much, Dawn. I really am thankful for all the time you've taken to let me know what strengths this chapter holds. That is always so helpful. Your support and generosity are much appreciated, my friend! Hugs, Bev
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Oh my pleasure indeed! Just make sure I don't miss any of this story please!(It's great!)
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Thanks again, Dawn. :0) XXX
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi Writingfundimension,
Hmmm, the little diary note at the end screams psychopath, probably schizoid, but then you add in the possession aspect ....
I'd say the young lady detective has a nasty experiencce ahead of her at some point and so does the uncle. Perhaps the priest as well.
Patrick
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reply by the author on 06-Aug-2012
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Hi Writingfundimension,
Hmmm, the little diary note at the end screams psychopath, probably schizoid, but then you add in the possession aspect ....
I'd say the young lady detective has a nasty experiencce ahead of her at some point and so does the uncle. Perhaps the priest as well.
Patrick
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2012
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Yes, Patrick, all three are on a collision course with a man whose delusions have opened a portal. Thanks for stopping by and for your review! I appreciate it. Bev
Comment from Gungalo
Whewie!! THis has taken a turn for the worse hasn't it? I say this not for the sake of saying it but because I sense a sure and definite turn. I guess I've missed too much or something for now I find my self wondering what happened to bring us to this point. I guess I shall have to go back and read.
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reply by the author on 06-Aug-2012
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Whewie!! THis has taken a turn for the worse hasn't it? I say this not for the sake of saying it but because I sense a sure and definite turn. I guess I've missed too much or something for now I find my self wondering what happened to bring us to this point. I guess I shall have to go back and read.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2012
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Thanks, Gungalo! I appreciate your comments and review very much. The supernatural element has been building from the earlier chapters. Sorry for any confusion. Warm regards, Bev
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Oh it's my fault not yours girl. Heheh. I missed too much.
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Wel, it's always good when I get insights ... makes me look at the write with fresh eyes. Thanks again, G.
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Okay well then that's good!!!
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:0) xx
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Sigh ...