King Sawyer
a story poem in rhyming couplets115 total reviews
Comment from Carolyn 'Deaton' Stephens
King Sawyer has my vote... Oh that's right, I don't get a vote. Brooke, you have done it again. And the moral is perfect , it is better to be in charge of the masses than to be in them. Loved it.
:-) Carolyn
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2014
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King Sawyer has my vote... Oh that's right, I don't get a vote. Brooke, you have done it again. And the moral is perfect , it is better to be in charge of the masses than to be in them. Loved it.
:-) Carolyn
Comment Written 07-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2014
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Carolyn, thank you so very much for your generous rating and thoughtful comments :-) Brooke
Comment from TAB_that's me
I think Sawyer will really enjoying reading this one when he gets a bit older. Great story poem Brooke. Good luck to you.
Teresa
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2014
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I think Sawyer will really enjoying reading this one when he gets a bit older. Great story poem Brooke. Good luck to you.
Teresa
Comment Written 07-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2014
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Thanks so much, Teresa :-) Brooke
Comment from Louise Michelle
Haha - when I read the title I thought to myself I knew that Brooke would eventually get around to calling Sawyer king.
This is simply delightful! Some of my favorite lines:
while Sawyer searched for socks to keep his royal tootsies warm.
of all his men had done for him while all he'd done was snooze
but Sawyer took the credit since he'd found the extra three.
Soooo cute and so much fun to read, Brooke. Hugs, Lou
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2014
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Haha - when I read the title I thought to myself I knew that Brooke would eventually get around to calling Sawyer king.
This is simply delightful! Some of my favorite lines:
while Sawyer searched for socks to keep his royal tootsies warm.
of all his men had done for him while all he'd done was snooze
but Sawyer took the credit since he'd found the extra three.
Soooo cute and so much fun to read, Brooke. Hugs, Lou
Comment Written 07-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2014
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Lou, I took one look at this photo as he looms over the castle and thought King LOL Thanks so much, my friend :-) Brooke
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LOL - You know I can't pass up an opportunity to tease you.
Comment from Just2Write
My goodness, Brooke - I can't seem to hold on to my sixes, no matter how hard I try.
I liked how you worked in some internal rhymes of line 2 of some of the verses and on lines 2 AND 3 on V5.
It helps to skip those longer lines along.
King Sawyer was the monarch of a kingdom by the sea
He ruled a million minions, and then he added three
(Nice alliterative m-sounds.)
The only nit I have is that there could be a bridge verse between the last two verses of getting up and going to bed.
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2014
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My goodness, Brooke - I can't seem to hold on to my sixes, no matter how hard I try.
I liked how you worked in some internal rhymes of line 2 of some of the verses and on lines 2 AND 3 on V5.
It helps to skip those longer lines along.
King Sawyer was the monarch of a kingdom by the sea
He ruled a million minions, and then he added three
(Nice alliterative m-sounds.)
The only nit I have is that there could be a bridge verse between the last two verses of getting up and going to bed.
Comment Written 07-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2014
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Rose, thank you so very much, my generous friend :-) The fact that he goes to bed right after he gets up is supposed to be a joke about how little he does and how much he sleeps. LOL Brooke
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Ahhh. Yes, I guess children (even ones that are Kings) still do go down for naps.
Rose.
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I changed the final stanza to make it clearer about his returning right to bed :-)
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I took a look - It's a perfect fix. Hugs. R.
Comment from lakeport
King Sawyer, little Sawyer gets a lot of things to do, that's a beautiful story poem, nice rhyning couplets, I enjoyed reading it,God bless you. Hugs!Lakeport.
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2014
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King Sawyer, little Sawyer gets a lot of things to do, that's a beautiful story poem, nice rhyning couplets, I enjoyed reading it,God bless you. Hugs!Lakeport.
Comment Written 07-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2014
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lakeport, thank you so very much :-) Brooke
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your welcome Brooke,Hugs!lakeport.
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
Kine Sawyer - Yes! it has a nice ring to it. LOL. This is a really good read. As usual, perfect rhyme, in couplets. and a poem with a moral. Yes the one in charge can lie about while the others work, but in the end can take all the glory. This is the way it sometimes works in the world of industry. Very good write. Kind regards Dorothy x
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2014
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Kine Sawyer - Yes! it has a nice ring to it. LOL. This is a really good read. As usual, perfect rhyme, in couplets. and a poem with a moral. Yes the one in charge can lie about while the others work, but in the end can take all the glory. This is the way it sometimes works in the world of industry. Very good write. Kind regards Dorothy x
Comment Written 07-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2014
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Dorothy, thank you so much for your thoughtful reading of this poem :-) Brooke
Comment from acerisestory
I am running our of superlatives to describe your poetry, Brooke! This is so fun and funny: King Sawyer. I love it! You've woven a wonderful tale. Your alliteration and rhyming are quite perfect, and the flow is wonderful. The picture of Sawyer and his sand castle perfectly complements the story. Thanks, again, for sharing. Alana
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2014
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I am running our of superlatives to describe your poetry, Brooke! This is so fun and funny: King Sawyer. I love it! You've woven a wonderful tale. Your alliteration and rhyming are quite perfect, and the flow is wonderful. The picture of Sawyer and his sand castle perfectly complements the story. Thanks, again, for sharing. Alana
Comment Written 07-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2014
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Alana, thank you for your lovely sixth star and for such kind and encouraging comments :-) Brooke
Comment from Tonulak
Dear Brooke,
This was just great. I like the mingling of child's vernacular with the more high-tone language; rhymes like enough/stuff cloak/folk. This one will be hard to beat. Great job--Ted
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2014
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Dear Brooke,
This was just great. I like the mingling of child's vernacular with the more high-tone language; rhymes like enough/stuff cloak/folk. This one will be hard to beat. Great job--Ted
Comment Written 07-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2014
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Ted, thank you so much for your generous response to this poem :-) Brooke
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Now you really are creeping up to Sawyer, what have you done so wrong that he has now been promoted to 'King Sawyer'?? It a fantastic poem, Brooke, good luck in the contest! xsx Sandra
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2014
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Now you really are creeping up to Sawyer, what have you done so wrong that he has now been promoted to 'King Sawyer'?? It a fantastic poem, Brooke, good luck in the contest! xsx Sandra
Comment Written 07-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2014
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sandra, thank you so very much :-) Brooke
Comment from jshep
Thanks, Brooke, for the morning chuckles from the last stanza. You do bring out Sawyer's character in you many poems in which he is the star.
The flow and rhyme are perfect and would expect no less. I did question one line - for each one knew what he must do whenever duty calls. I felt like it should be 'whenever duty called' since it was for each one knew.
Also last stanza you have him marching to bed right after he had just arisen from his night's sleep. Just picky little thoughts.
Also for me I was left with a curiosity of who the extra three were. Good way to keep the reader right in the mix until the end. A very cute story in a poem. When I see kids making sand castles I will think of King Sawyer. :). Joyce xx
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2014
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Thanks, Brooke, for the morning chuckles from the last stanza. You do bring out Sawyer's character in you many poems in which he is the star.
The flow and rhyme are perfect and would expect no less. I did question one line - for each one knew what he must do whenever duty calls. I felt like it should be 'whenever duty called' since it was for each one knew.
Also last stanza you have him marching to bed right after he had just arisen from his night's sleep. Just picky little thoughts.
Also for me I was left with a curiosity of who the extra three were. Good way to keep the reader right in the mix until the end. A very cute story in a poem. When I see kids making sand castles I will think of King Sawyer. :). Joyce xx
Comment Written 07-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2014
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The marching to bed soon after awakening was intentional to exaggerate how much he lies around and does nothing. I will have to look again at the duty calls line :-)
Thanks so much, Joyce, for paying me a visit and leaving a thoughtful review :-) Brooke