Comment from Acquired Taste

Exceptional

This is an absolute hoot. What a wonderful ride through Kid-Land that is also appreciated by adults that need a little bit of life...in their life!

I cannot imagine a child not being thrilled at having this read to them by a parent or loved on that can use inflection and facial excitement to keep the poem as wonderful as stands.

Really good luck in the contest! AT=/

 Comment Written 27-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014

AT, thanks so much for the enthusiastic review and the six stars. I'm sure you can tell that I had fun writing this piece of nonsensical wordsmithery and I hope it will be enjoyed by all who read it or have it read to them.

Steve

Comment from LIJ Red

Excellent

You call this a kid's poem? With that rollicking rhythm and solid rhymes? This is good reading if you're seventy and mean as a starving snake.

 Comment Written 27-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014

You're that old? And that mean? And you still enjoyed this piece of nonsensical fun - I must have done something right then!

Steve

Comment from nancy_e_davis

Excellent

Very clever Steve. Love all the big original words and the great alliteration. Children will love all the Gobbledegooks,
Kids love silly words like that and you used some rally good ones. Good entry, Good luck. Nancy

 Comment Written 27-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014

Thanks, Nancy - I've always been a fan of silly words - I guess that's why Carroll's Jabberwocky is one of my favourite poems.

Steve

reply by nancy_e_davis on 29-Aug-2014

I think we all like them.

Comment from Kenneth Schaal

Excellent

What a wonderful read. The willing child who reads, or hears this is hooked forever on poetry, on the discovery of words. The phonetics are long vowel, short vowel and in multiples as is the alliteration. It never misses a beat. Best of luck in the contest. Kenny

 Comment Written 27-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014

Thanks, Kenny.

I don't analyse it - I just let the sounds roll out and try to squeeze in a little bit of meaning where I can!

Steve

reply by Kenneth Schaal on 29-Aug-2014

That's how I do it.

Comment from Phyllis Stewart

Exceptional

dah DUM dah dah DUM dah dah DUM dah dah DUM... Lovvve that rhythm, Steve. Just had to read it aloud. Felt like dancing! LOL! Sounds like a winner to me!

Awesome alliteration, too. I'm still laughing at Mushroom Museum. :)

 Comment Written 27-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014

Thanks, Phyllis

Yes, the rhythm is important in this sort of poem - glad you found it.

Mushroom Museum could have been any random two-syllable word starting with M, I suppose. Mushroom was the first one that came into my head and seemed appropriately silly....

Steve

Comment from michaelcahill

Exceptional

Wow! This is stunning. What an amazing work this is. I love the respect you have for a child's intelligence. There is no question that they would love this and be intrigued by every word. They have brains! The kid in me was entertained as hell reading this out loud. This is what inspired me to come up with this prompt. Thanks for entering and this stellar entry. Imaginary drinks are going to be on you I think! mikey

 Comment Written 27-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014

Thanks, Mikey

Looks like a three-way tussle in the voting.

Thanks for the prompt too - made to measure for me, although I'd made a good start on my piece of nonsense before I checked and discovered it was supposed to tell a story!

I agree that kids don't need to be babied in terms of vocabulary etc. The story is clear, the words are fun and the more exposure they have to 'big' words, the better.

Steve

Comment from Cumbrianlass

Exceptional

Okay, I haven't read any others at this point, but my god, if this doesn't win the contest...well, I won't threaten to eat anything odd, but you get my drift.

Utterly captivating, clever beyond words, and TONS of fun to read. You have a wonderful talent, I think. I smiled all the way through.

Excellent. Truly. Bravo.

Av

 Comment Written 27-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014

Thanks, Av.

Actually there are some other fine entries for the contest. At the moment it's looking like a 3-way go between Brooke, Mikey and me - although I rather fancied Father Flaps should be in the mix as well

Glad you enjoyed the nonsensical fun, the fandangled farrago, the gallimaufry goulash.... see, don't even need to invent words when such splendid ones already exist.

Steve

Comment from Loren (7)

Excellent

This is wonderful and had me smiling, too. : ) The flow and rhythm was/is catching as is the play of )made-up)words. The picture seems perfect as well, reminds me of the "Little Prince" by Exupery. Loren Good luck with the contest, looks like a winner to me.

 Comment Written 27-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014

Thanks, Loren - yes, he does look a little petit prince-ish doesn't he?

Steve

Comment from DerivedBetter

Excellent

Wow. if I had a six you would get. Man I should have saved some. This was simply fantastic. I think I'll read it to my boys later. the rhythm was amazing. I said it out loud and it flowed so smoothly. thanks for sharing.

 Comment Written 27-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014

Thanks, DB, I'll take that as a virtual six!

Glad you enjoyed and I hope your boys do too.

Steve

Comment from Kim14

Good

I really loved this poem. I was drawn between the 4 stars or 5. It was up to the level of 6 actually:) But As I was reading this, I wondering what age level this would be? The picture at the poem made me thing very young, but the word choices were very middle school level, maybe even older. It was one of the best detailed childrens poems I have came across here. Well done:))

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 27-Aug-2014

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reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014

Thanks, Kim. I appreciate the kind words and the thought you have put into the review.

As to the vocab level, I am firmly of the belief that children don't like to be read down to - I never over-simplify. I am sure if you tested this poem on young children they would enjoy the rhythm and the fun and the story and it wouldn't matter if they didn't understand some of the specific words.

It is also good to enrich their vocabulary.

Anyway, it has been enjoyed by all the big FanStory children - perhaps you are right that I really wrote it for adults to enjoy first!

Steve

reply by Kim14 on 31-Aug-2014

I totally agree. I think the wording is great. These days children are learning at a quicker rate and this story is great for them, maybe its the younger picture choice, not the wording choice, becuase it is a great story:))