Wild and Free
Narrative in Alouette form62 total reviews
Comment from krys123
Steve;
-beautiful, fantastically beautiful. Your imagination is truly inventive and ingeniously creative throughout the writing. Then you presented in exquisitely expressive and vividly and demonstratively descriptive throughout the writing and along being very crisp, distinct and clear.
-all the qualities of this Alouette poem are met and the requirements are further
achieved throughout the writing. each of your rhyming words are contingent to the meaning and concept of each line therefore making their rhythm the flow smoothly. also your writing is neither forced nor labored which was also helpful.
- the rhythmic meter, cadence, timing and tempo were all helpful in making the reading clear, fluid and very easy.
- an absolutely fantastic poem.
-even the picture is appropriate, relative and complementary to the poem.
- good luck in the contest and may the good Lord be with you always.
Alex
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2015
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Steve;
-beautiful, fantastically beautiful. Your imagination is truly inventive and ingeniously creative throughout the writing. Then you presented in exquisitely expressive and vividly and demonstratively descriptive throughout the writing and along being very crisp, distinct and clear.
-all the qualities of this Alouette poem are met and the requirements are further
achieved throughout the writing. each of your rhyming words are contingent to the meaning and concept of each line therefore making their rhythm the flow smoothly. also your writing is neither forced nor labored which was also helpful.
- the rhythmic meter, cadence, timing and tempo were all helpful in making the reading clear, fluid and very easy.
- an absolutely fantastic poem.
-even the picture is appropriate, relative and complementary to the poem.
- good luck in the contest and may the good Lord be with you always.
Alex
Comment Written 09-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2015
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Alex, thanks so much for the warm review and the six stars - much appreciated.
This is a brand new form to me and I had some trouble working out how the meter should go - 5/5/7 syllables didn't seem to work with either iambic or anapaestic so I ended up combining the two and was quite pleased with the result, so I just kept going! I think the form was originally designed more for a short, lyrical piece, but I'm sure you'll agree it performs fairly well for long narrative as well!
Steve
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You may have had difficulty writing it but I sure enjoyed reading it.
Alex
Comment from Neonewman
Loved the entirety of this well crafted piece you have delivered here my friend. But I must say the last of it was brilliant!
" We are married now
With a solemn vow,
Our altar the greenwood shade.
To the outlaw life
I have wed a wife,
Our home in the forest made."
God bless!
STeve
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2015
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Loved the entirety of this well crafted piece you have delivered here my friend. But I must say the last of it was brilliant!
" We are married now
With a solemn vow,
Our altar the greenwood shade.
To the outlaw life
I have wed a wife,
Our home in the forest made."
God bless!
STeve
Comment Written 09-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2015
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Thanks, Steve - glad you enjoyed.
This is a brand new form to me and I had some trouble working out how the meter should go - 5/5/7 syllables didn't seem to work with either iambic or anapaestic so I ended up combining the two and was quite pleased with the result, so I just kept going! I think the form was originally designed more for a short, lyrical piece, but I'm sure you'll agree it performs fairly well for long narrative as well!
Steve
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My pleasure!
Comment from Reedblitzerman
That was great kiwisteveh. That's probably good enough to get published somewhere besides with us. Great language, great flow, you told the story effortlessly. I'm not sure if you dashed this off or it took a series of edits but you've got a real talent.
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2015
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That was great kiwisteveh. That's probably good enough to get published somewhere besides with us. Great language, great flow, you told the story effortlessly. I'm not sure if you dashed this off or it took a series of edits but you've got a real talent.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2015
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Thanks, Reed and welcome to FanStory. I appreciate the warm words and the six stars. Publication? Not so easy....
Steve
Comment from c_lucas
Women are drawn to wild and reckless men. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for an enduring read. There is very good imagery.
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2015
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Women are drawn to wild and reckless men. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for an enduring read. There is very good imagery.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2015
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Thanks, Charlie.
Interestingly, you are the only reviewer to consider her point of view. Let's hope she likes living in the forest as an outlaw - I'm pretty sure the reality wouldn't have been that enjoyable!
Steve
Comment from Domino 2
I don't know why, as the meter and format is quite different, but this reminds me of the poem which inspired me into writing poetry - 'The Highwayman', by Alfred Noyes.
I've read a few of these alouettes, and I haven't much liked the format, but yours is brilliantly done in the great old theme of the never tiring ole Knight in shining armour rescuing the poor Maidens in distress, for a happy ever after life, safely hidden away with nature in the forest.
Excellent imagery throughout with top rhymes, and enjambment to add flow.
Terrific poem with great meter, especially considering the format limitations, Steve.
Here's a well-deserved sixer from me, and I assure you I'm very stingy with them. ;-)
Best wishes, Ray.
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2015
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I don't know why, as the meter and format is quite different, but this reminds me of the poem which inspired me into writing poetry - 'The Highwayman', by Alfred Noyes.
I've read a few of these alouettes, and I haven't much liked the format, but yours is brilliantly done in the great old theme of the never tiring ole Knight in shining armour rescuing the poor Maidens in distress, for a happy ever after life, safely hidden away with nature in the forest.
Excellent imagery throughout with top rhymes, and enjambment to add flow.
Terrific poem with great meter, especially considering the format limitations, Steve.
Here's a well-deserved sixer from me, and I assure you I'm very stingy with them. ;-)
Best wishes, Ray.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2015
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Thanks, Ray. A few reviewers have mentioned the Highwayman, which I do know quite well, and others link it to Walter Scott's 'Young Lochinvar'
This is a brand new form to me and I had some trouble working out how the meter should go - 5/5/7 syllables didn't seem to work with either iambic or anapaestic so I ended up combining the two and was quite pleased with the result, so I just kept going! I think the form was originally designed more for a short, lyrical piece, but I'm sure you'll agree it performs fairly well for long narrative as well!
Thanks again for the review and the sparse sixer. I know I'm doing reall well if I get one from you AND one from Rama Devi!
Steve
Comment from Dean Kuch
Awesome, Steve. That's the first word which came to mind after reading this epic Alouette entry.
I was not aware than an Alouette could have more than two stanzas. But after we all lose this contest to you, I will know better the next time, LOL.
Congratulations in advance on your winning entry. Not only is it well composed and impeccably rhymed, it is also an excellent story.
~Dean
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2015
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Awesome, Steve. That's the first word which came to mind after reading this epic Alouette entry.
I was not aware than an Alouette could have more than two stanzas. But after we all lose this contest to you, I will know better the next time, LOL.
Congratulations in advance on your winning entry. Not only is it well composed and impeccably rhymed, it is also an excellent story.
~Dean
Comment Written 09-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2015
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Dean, thanks for the great review and the six stars!
I hope I read the rules right and it said two or more stanzas.
This is a brand new form to me and I had some trouble working out how the meter should go - 5/5/7 syllables didn't seem to work with either iambic or anapaestic so I ended up combining the two and was quite pleased with the result, so I just kept going! I think the form was originally designed more for a short, lyrical piece, but I'm sure you'll agree it performs fairly well for long narrative as well!
Could I really win two site contests in a row (three actually, because I have high hopes for my palindrome as well!) My wife says I've had my turn for this month, cynical person that she is.
Steve
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Sure you could, Steve, why not?
Great work my friend, and good luck!
~Dean :}
Comment from CEO2020
One Big Smile on this One -
For a father's curse
And a rich man's purse
Lays a price upon my head.
For the daughter lost
And the pride that's cost,
The morrow may find me dead.
smile**...lol
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2015
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One Big Smile on this One -
For a father's curse
And a rich man's purse
Lays a price upon my head.
For the daughter lost
And the pride that's cost,
The morrow may find me dead.
smile**...lol
Comment Written 09-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2015
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Thanks for the kind words.
Steve
Comment from humpwhistle
A great old-style ballad. A troubadour's song.
This form is perfect for such a lute-song.
No tortured syntax, and easy-reading rhymes.
My favorite section:
For a father's curse
And a rich man's purse
Lays a price upon my head.
For the daughter lost
And the pride that's cost,
The morrow may find me dead.
Completely different in total, but I enjoyed that
you shared many of the elements from The Highwayman.
Well done.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2015
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A great old-style ballad. A troubadour's song.
This form is perfect for such a lute-song.
No tortured syntax, and easy-reading rhymes.
My favorite section:
For a father's curse
And a rich man's purse
Lays a price upon my head.
For the daughter lost
And the pride that's cost,
The morrow may find me dead.
Completely different in total, but I enjoyed that
you shared many of the elements from The Highwayman.
Well done.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 09-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2015
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Thanks, Lee. This has wrung six star reviews out of some tough reviewers, so I must be doing something right.
This is a brand new form to me and I had some trouble working out how the meter should go - 5/5/7 syllables didn't seem to work with either iambic or anapaestic so I ended up combining the two and was quite pleased with the result, so I just kept going! I think the form was originally designed more for a short, lyrical piece, but I'm sure you'll agree it performs fairly well for long narrative as well!
Steve
Comment from Joy Graham
You wowed me with this one :) I'm not up on the requirements for the Alouette poetry form, but I enjoyed the flowing meter. The story part of this poem is what wowed me. A tale of romance and rebellion from a father's strict rules. You had me needing to know the outcome from beginning to the end. A satisfying end, though living and hiding in the forest could be dangerous. Totally romantic! Best wishes in this contest. I think you have a strong contender.
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2015
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You wowed me with this one :) I'm not up on the requirements for the Alouette poetry form, but I enjoyed the flowing meter. The story part of this poem is what wowed me. A tale of romance and rebellion from a father's strict rules. You had me needing to know the outcome from beginning to the end. A satisfying end, though living and hiding in the forest could be dangerous. Totally romantic! Best wishes in this contest. I think you have a strong contender.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2015
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And thanks again for this great review and the six lovely stars.
The funny thing is that when I first looked into this form, I couldn't get anything to flow at all - the 5/5/7 syllable count just didn't seem to lend itself to any regular meter - as you can see, I found a way!
Steve
Comment from Just2Write
Eceptional,Steve. I loved the cadence of this poem. Every thing fit together perfectly. This is also a great story poem. This should do exceptionally well in the contest. I hope you win.
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2015
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Eceptional,Steve. I loved the cadence of this poem. Every thing fit together perfectly. This is also a great story poem. This should do exceptionally well in the contest. I hope you win.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2015
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Rose, thanks for the kind words and the six stars.
Couldn't get that meter to work at all at first - then it all came in a flood!
Steve