Another Pretty Face
Viewing comments for Chapter 18 "Chapter 7, part three"Can love survive small town gossip?
80 total reviews
Comment from Belinda
Hi, Barbara, I like the way you describe Sara as a sensitive woman, concerned about Joe and his ways. I also can imagine how frightened she was with Cassie's whereabouts. Interesting chapter. I wish you well with your chemo and all...
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2010
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Hi, Barbara, I like the way you describe Sara as a sensitive woman, concerned about Joe and his ways. I also can imagine how frightened she was with Cassie's whereabouts. Interesting chapter. I wish you well with your chemo and all...
Comment Written 02-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Ted T
Hi Barbara :)
Good chapter with a lot going on. Nice atmosphere and imaging.
The story appears to be moving along well
You're using a lot of "ing" words and some those adverbs are starting to creep back into your work.
You have too many people turning toward and you've used the word "toward" numerous times in this chapter. Take a look at that.
Ted
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2010
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Hi Barbara :)
Good chapter with a lot going on. Nice atmosphere and imaging.
The story appears to be moving along well
You're using a lot of "ing" words and some those adverbs are starting to creep back into your work.
You have too many people turning toward and you've used the word "toward" numerous times in this chapter. Take a look at that.
Ted
Comment Written 02-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2010
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I will try to get rid of some of those ing words and the toward. Thank you for catching them.
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You're welcome :)
Comment from Helen Tan
I think it's credible that sara would observe in details the way Matt and Dani react to each other, to gauge how her future relationship with Joe might function. This is well portrayed.
There's movement in the story with all the details put into place - the examination of Cassie's computer.
"Parent over shoulder."
This is new to me POS. I only know "PAW" - Parents are watching.
Sara silently walked toward her room.
I'm just wondering about this "silently", are you referring to her footsteps being light or that she did not speak? I've left some formats for you to look at as I feel the placement of "silently" seems odd.
Sara walked silently toward her room.
Sara walked in silence toward her room.
Silent, Sara walked toward her room.
I want to believe Joe isn't capable of harming Cassie or me, but can I?
I think at this point sara would be more concerned with what is has happened to Cassie and where she is rather than whether Joe would turn violent towards them. It might be more appropriate to direct her thoughts to the missing Cassie.
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2010
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I think it's credible that sara would observe in details the way Matt and Dani react to each other, to gauge how her future relationship with Joe might function. This is well portrayed.
There's movement in the story with all the details put into place - the examination of Cassie's computer.
"Parent over shoulder."
This is new to me POS. I only know "PAW" - Parents are watching.
Sara silently walked toward her room.
I'm just wondering about this "silently", are you referring to her footsteps being light or that she did not speak? I've left some formats for you to look at as I feel the placement of "silently" seems odd.
Sara walked silently toward her room.
Sara walked in silence toward her room.
Silent, Sara walked toward her room.
I want to believe Joe isn't capable of harming Cassie or me, but can I?
I think at this point sara would be more concerned with what is has happened to Cassie and where she is rather than whether Joe would turn violent towards them. It might be more appropriate to direct her thoughts to the missing Cassie.
Comment Written 02-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2010
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Sara will turn her attention toward Cassie, but she is also intrusting Cassie's well being in Joes' hands. Thank you for your kind review. I have made the corrections, I appreciate your eagle eye.
Comment from Meshe Nair
Another nicely written chapter. I cannot blame Sara for doubting Joe's ability to not hurt them. She has and is going through a lot. Perhaps, Joe will be able to understand and win her trust over without going overboard.
Would wait to read the next chapter.
Good wishes on your chemo.
Meshe Nair
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2010
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Another nicely written chapter. I cannot blame Sara for doubting Joe's ability to not hurt them. She has and is going through a lot. Perhaps, Joe will be able to understand and win her trust over without going overboard.
Would wait to read the next chapter.
Good wishes on your chemo.
Meshe Nair
Comment Written 02-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2010
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Thank you for your concern. I appreciate your kind review.
Comment from l.raven
This is well written.I enjoyed reading this.And I don't believe Joe would harm Cassie.Of course that's what I believe.Killing in the Army and just killing someone is way different.Didn't have any problem reading this.Hate to read stories that you need a Dictionary to understand it.
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2010
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This is well written.I enjoyed reading this.And I don't believe Joe would harm Cassie.Of course that's what I believe.Killing in the Army and just killing someone is way different.Didn't have any problem reading this.Hate to read stories that you need a Dictionary to understand it.
Comment Written 02-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I teach 6 year olds all day, I can't use big words, my audience wouldn't understand them.
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Look at it like this.They'll be able to read your writings.LOL
Comment from Arkine
I can understand her concerns. Although, I don't know seems like the violence scared her so much that she's not as concerned about her daughter anymore. Personally, with that cop I would have been at his throat myself if he'd behaved that way in my house. But that's me. ~L~ Nicely done! :)
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2010
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I can understand her concerns. Although, I don't know seems like the violence scared her so much that she's not as concerned about her daughter anymore. Personally, with that cop I would have been at his throat myself if he'd behaved that way in my house. But that's me. ~L~ Nicely done! :)
Comment Written 02-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2010
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Sara is just finding her strength. Thank you for your kind review.
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Okkies. :)
Comment from L.lora
Excellent, I'd give you
six stars if I had them.
Very discriptive narratives
and great dialogue. I have
to admit that you managed
to get my ire up with Sara's
attitude toward Joe. I can
understand some of her caution,
however--no man would pull a ruse
such as trying to locate someone's
child just to get next to a woman...
grrrr---I wish Sara could have just
a bit more trust, of course then
there might not be a story..*smile*
no nits or spags, looking forward
to your next post. Do hope things
are going better for you, you are
close in prayer. Lora
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2010
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Excellent, I'd give you
six stars if I had them.
Very discriptive narratives
and great dialogue. I have
to admit that you managed
to get my ire up with Sara's
attitude toward Joe. I can
understand some of her caution,
however--no man would pull a ruse
such as trying to locate someone's
child just to get next to a woman...
grrrr---I wish Sara could have just
a bit more trust, of course then
there might not be a story..*smile*
no nits or spags, looking forward
to your next post. Do hope things
are going better for you, you are
close in prayer. Lora
Comment Written 02-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. Yes, I have to have some conflict.
Comment from bhogg
Hi Barbara - so much tension. I like to think I learn from this site, and from you, for sure. Editing is excellent, the pace is superb and the story is contagious. Regards, Bill
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2010
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Hi Barbara - so much tension. I like to think I learn from this site, and from you, for sure. Editing is excellent, the pace is superb and the story is contagious. Regards, Bill
Comment Written 02-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2010
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Thank you Bill, for your kind review and continued support.
Comment from Allezw2
Lady barbara wilkey,
An interesting portrait of a team's dedication to their mates and extended to include the families, also.
Keep'em flying!
Fantasist
For your consideration, or not:
- Joe interrupted as Sara [walk](walked) into the room. He squeezed Dani's shoulder.
- So far all we know (is)(that) we're looking for a white SUV."
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2010
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Lady barbara wilkey,
An interesting portrait of a team's dedication to their mates and extended to include the families, also.
Keep'em flying!
Fantasist
For your consideration, or not:
- Joe interrupted as Sara [walk](walked) into the room. He squeezed Dani's shoulder.
- So far all we know (is)(that) we're looking for a white SUV."
Comment Written 02-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2010
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Thank you for your kind review and finding those errors. I have fixed them.
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You're quite welcome.
Comment from eliz100
This was a good read from beginning to end. I think you have done a realistic job with Sara questioning after she saw what Joe did. I hope it all works out in the end.
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2010
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This was a good read from beginning to end. I think you have done a realistic job with Sara questioning after she saw what Joe did. I hope it all works out in the end.
Comment Written 02-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.