Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Part One of Chapter Two"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
93 total reviews
Comment from MizKat
Barbara - I really enjoyed this chapter of your book, but then again I always like whatever you write. You are superb at what you do and I haven't once seen any mistakes.
I'm sorry to hear about the open sore on your spine. I suppose they're afraid chemo would just make it worse. Thanks for keeping us updated. Kat
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2011
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Barbara - I really enjoyed this chapter of your book, but then again I always like whatever you write. You are superb at what you do and I haven't once seen any mistakes.
I'm sorry to hear about the open sore on your spine. I suppose they're afraid chemo would just make it worse. Thanks for keeping us updated. Kat
Comment Written 28-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2011
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Thank you for your kind review and encouragement.
Comment from Allezw2
lady BJW,
Keep'um flying!
As to the post, a sad tale of expediency sublimating from preference.
You would have been dyn-o-mite writing for the soaps a half century ago.
Track the latest rage, reality for fame and fortune.
Fantasist
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2011
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lady BJW,
Keep'um flying!
As to the post, a sad tale of expediency sublimating from preference.
You would have been dyn-o-mite writing for the soaps a half century ago.
Track the latest rage, reality for fame and fortune.
Fantasist
Comment Written 28-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.
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You're quite welcome.
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi Barbara,
I almost used a bad word to describe Bobby at the end there, he is a piece of work and unfortunately there are a lot of them about these days.
Well written, nicely done.
Patrick
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2011
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Hi Barbara,
I almost used a bad word to describe Bobby at the end there, he is a piece of work and unfortunately there are a lot of them about these days.
Well written, nicely done.
Patrick
Comment Written 28-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2011
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Thank you for your kind review and I appreciate your encouragement.
Comment from bookishfabler
Troy's business card, and read-off the first number.
( I don't think you need the hyphen)
"Bobby controls the money," Troy interjected, as Michael's crying filled the silence. "Is there anyway I can help?" Again, Anna didn't respond. "I'll help anyway I can." (who's point of view are we in?)
Yea(h), sure. Just get this young man's medicine. His ears hurt."
"I'll watch the little one, leave him where he's at." He held out a handful of bills. "This should cover it."
"Are you sure? Sometimes it takes awhile and he can be a handful."
(I would question this. She honestly hasn't known this man very long and even though he is being sweet, would a mom leav her little boy with a stranger and her car also? People have done some nasty things.)
I truly do enjoy your new book. It's more, I guess domestic comes to mind. Great job. Hope you are feeling better.
hugs Heidi
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2011
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Troy's business card, and read-off the first number.
( I don't think you need the hyphen)
"Bobby controls the money," Troy interjected, as Michael's crying filled the silence. "Is there anyway I can help?" Again, Anna didn't respond. "I'll help anyway I can." (who's point of view are we in?)
Yea(h), sure. Just get this young man's medicine. His ears hurt."
"I'll watch the little one, leave him where he's at." He held out a handful of bills. "This should cover it."
"Are you sure? Sometimes it takes awhile and he can be a handful."
(I would question this. She honestly hasn't known this man very long and even though he is being sweet, would a mom leav her little boy with a stranger and her car also? People have done some nasty things.)
I truly do enjoy your new book. It's more, I guess domestic comes to mind. Great job. Hope you are feeling better.
hugs Heidi
Comment Written 28-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2011
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Thank you for your kind review. I will take care of those areas. I appreciate your support.
Comment from Chris Tee
Excellent work!! I like you style and it makes easy reading.
the story is intriguing and has a twist in the tale at the end of this chapter.
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2011
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Excellent work!! I like you style and it makes easy reading.
the story is intriguing and has a twist in the tale at the end of this chapter.
Comment Written 28-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Helen Tan
This situation is high risk - an abused wife getting help from a kind, available man. The ending is gripping - I'm dreading the next chapter. I can see the abuse coming.
Read your notes - take care of yourself. =D
Anna walked up to a receptionist's counter
I think "...THE receptionist's counter" might work better here as usually there's only one.
"I'll help anyway I can."
I'll help any way I can.
In this case, you mean in any manner/way - so "any way" two words instead of one.
When you reached in and fastened Michael's seatbelt, your skirt slid up, a little.
Well at least he's upfront and tells her what he's seen.
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2011
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This situation is high risk - an abused wife getting help from a kind, available man. The ending is gripping - I'm dreading the next chapter. I can see the abuse coming.
Read your notes - take care of yourself. =D
Anna walked up to a receptionist's counter
I think "...THE receptionist's counter" might work better here as usually there's only one.
"I'll help anyway I can."
I'll help any way I can.
In this case, you mean in any manner/way - so "any way" two words instead of one.
When you reached in and fastened Michael's seatbelt, your skirt slid up, a little.
Well at least he's upfront and tells her what he's seen.
Comment Written 28-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2011
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I can't imagine Troy being anything except honest. I will take care of those issue. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Russel Chale
Great continuation of your story and a good hook at the end to make sure the reader wants more. Good writing.
The attractive woman smiled. "Sure. The number?"
(The word "attractive" is unnecessary. It has different meaning depending on the culture, etc, of the reader. A more descriptive verb such as "blonde" or "dark-haired" may be appropriate, or you could just run without an adjective: The woman smiled. "Sure. The number?")
"My insurance has a co-pay for doctor's visits," her voice trailed off.
(Instead of "telling" the trailing off you could simply "show" it by using an ellipsis:
"My insurance has a co-pay for doctor's visits...")
Troy walked up behind her and said, "I'll watch the little one[;] leave him where he's at."
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2011
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Great continuation of your story and a good hook at the end to make sure the reader wants more. Good writing.
The attractive woman smiled. "Sure. The number?"
(The word "attractive" is unnecessary. It has different meaning depending on the culture, etc, of the reader. A more descriptive verb such as "blonde" or "dark-haired" may be appropriate, or you could just run without an adjective: The woman smiled. "Sure. The number?")
"My insurance has a co-pay for doctor's visits," her voice trailed off.
(Instead of "telling" the trailing off you could simply "show" it by using an ellipsis:
"My insurance has a co-pay for doctor's visits...")
Troy walked up behind her and said, "I'll watch the little one[;] leave him where he's at."
Comment Written 28-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2011
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I have had some problems with the ellipsis and keep getting gigged for using it. So I shy away from using them. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from R. K. Alan
You have certainly painted a picture of opposites in the men. One a saint and willing to help, the other a wretch only interested in himself. I wonder what medical diagnosis drove his wife away? Aids perhaps? Ray aka R. K. Alan
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2011
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You have certainly painted a picture of opposites in the men. One a saint and willing to help, the other a wretch only interested in himself. I wonder what medical diagnosis drove his wife away? Aids perhaps? Ray aka R. K. Alan
Comment Written 28-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2011
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I will reveal Troy's illness much later. Thank you for kind review.
Comment from missy98writer
Barbara,
We learn more about Troy in this chapter. At the end when Bobbie grabbed her I have a feeling the drunk will abuse her or force her to have sex. What a horrible character you've penned. I think someone should shoot him and put him out of his misery. Once again your descriptive writing is superb. I'm happy your spreading your wings and writing something different. I'm praying for you, my friend, to kick cancers ass! I was told after the doctor removed the tube down my throat that I should have died, but he could
tell by the way I fought them when they put me under that I could fight. Having untreated phenomena with the disease PPH that makes my right lung much weaker usually is a death sentence, but I fought the grim reaper and won this time. Keep on writing excellent chapters, my friend. Love ya.
Melissa.
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2011
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Barbara,
We learn more about Troy in this chapter. At the end when Bobbie grabbed her I have a feeling the drunk will abuse her or force her to have sex. What a horrible character you've penned. I think someone should shoot him and put him out of his misery. Once again your descriptive writing is superb. I'm happy your spreading your wings and writing something different. I'm praying for you, my friend, to kick cancers ass! I was told after the doctor removed the tube down my throat that I should have died, but he could
tell by the way I fought them when they put me under that I could fight. Having untreated phenomena with the disease PPH that makes my right lung much weaker usually is a death sentence, but I fought the grim reaper and won this time. Keep on writing excellent chapters, my friend. Love ya.
Melissa.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2011
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Thank you for the kind review and your continued support. I appreciate your friendship.
Comment from Shirley B
I knew something terrible was going to happen when she got home. See you have me drawn into your story so much, I think I know all these people. Great writing. Please take care of yourself, Shirley
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2011
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I knew something terrible was going to happen when she got home. See you have me drawn into your story so much, I think I know all these people. Great writing. Please take care of yourself, Shirley
Comment Written 27-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.