Railroad
poem/song lyrics99 total reviews
Comment from louparis
Message well taken.
It is a good piece of free verse with no flubs.
Life on the rails is not all it is romanticised to be - take it from me. (You'll find some hobo pieces in my portfolio.)
You sentiments are well put. Too bad we let those tracks fall to rust.
Lou
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2011
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Message well taken.
It is a good piece of free verse with no flubs.
Life on the rails is not all it is romanticised to be - take it from me. (You'll find some hobo pieces in my portfolio.)
You sentiments are well put. Too bad we let those tracks fall to rust.
Lou
Comment Written 03-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2011
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Thank you Lou. I will try to get to your hobo pieces.
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Are you really living in Switzerland? You lucky dog you.
Comment from janbar
I could feel the rails in the rhythm of your poem and the imagery came through clearly. If I may be so bold though, I was kinda thrown "off the rails" in two spots: the 5th stanza didn't rhyme and stopped me; and the 6th stanza, last line broke the rhythm; maybe instead of "are gonna" the one word "will" would better suit the beat. Just a suggestion. I did enjoy the excursion and I love the railroads. janbar
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2011
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I could feel the rails in the rhythm of your poem and the imagery came through clearly. If I may be so bold though, I was kinda thrown "off the rails" in two spots: the 5th stanza didn't rhyme and stopped me; and the 6th stanza, last line broke the rhythm; maybe instead of "are gonna" the one word "will" would better suit the beat. Just a suggestion. I did enjoy the excursion and I love the railroads. janbar
Comment Written 03-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2011
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Advice absorbed. Thank you. Now if I'll act on it. Well that's another story entirely. LOL
Comment from starbrow
This is utterly beautiful. I can almost hear it being sung just under your breath as a walking song as you walk the rails, with the accompaniment of the whistling wind.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2011
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This is utterly beautiful. I can almost hear it being sung just under your breath as a walking song as you walk the rails, with the accompaniment of the whistling wind.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2011
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Exactly. Thank you for reading and understanding.
Comment from stephybs
This is written very nicely and has a calming effect as you read it. I use to skip along the railway tracks as a child unaware of any dangers, bought a few memories back with this piece. Thanks for sharing, Stephy
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2011
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This is written very nicely and has a calming effect as you read it. I use to skip along the railway tracks as a child unaware of any dangers, bought a few memories back with this piece. Thanks for sharing, Stephy
Comment Written 03-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2011
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Thanks Stephy.
Comment from RebelRose
I love this. Thanks for the memories. My uncle worked for the railroad and I used to go out there with him and he would show me around. Then, many years later, my daughter and I would ride the train to visit folks in Fla. What an experience. If those trains/tracks could tell all they have seen and heard ....
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2011
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I love this. Thanks for the memories. My uncle worked for the railroad and I used to go out there with him and he would show me around. Then, many years later, my daughter and I would ride the train to visit folks in Fla. What an experience. If those trains/tracks could tell all they have seen and heard ....
Comment Written 03-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2011
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Yes, I'll bet. Thank you Rebel.
Comment from Mike K2
I would not suggest to walk the Accella lines. I love the romanticism found in this and indeed, you can hear the train a coming.
Nicely written and I actually like the open-endedness of this. Also it has a nice story line that reminds me of movie images and music.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2011
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I would not suggest to walk the Accella lines. I love the romanticism found in this and indeed, you can hear the train a coming.
Nicely written and I actually like the open-endedness of this. Also it has a nice story line that reminds me of movie images and music.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2011
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Thank you Mike.
Comment from jadapenn
I think when you're alone in the quiet with this stretch of railroad you will be inclined to start wondering and asking questions. I enjoyed the walk with you. lol. It was pleasant kicking gravel from between those railroad sleepers.
Well done. luv jada
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2011
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I think when you're alone in the quiet with this stretch of railroad you will be inclined to start wondering and asking questions. I enjoyed the walk with you. lol. It was pleasant kicking gravel from between those railroad sleepers.
Well done. luv jada
Comment Written 03-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2011
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Thank you Jada and I have kicked some gravel around when I walk them too.
Comment from frelanz
WOW...Awesome piece! Well written and worded and very enjoyable to read. Awesome image also! I myself like railroad tracks and trains! Well done on this Dawn :o)
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2011
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WOW...Awesome piece! Well written and worded and very enjoyable to read. Awesome image also! I myself like railroad tracks and trains! Well done on this Dawn :o)
Comment Written 03-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2011
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Thank you Dawn.
Comment from dismac (Paul)
As a young man, I used to walk the rails to get to my favorite swimming hole, Sharp"s Pond. The walk on a sunny morning was thrilling and beautiful. The challenge was to get to the pond and back home again, without meeting an approaching train. Great memories. Thanks for sharing. Paul
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2011
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As a young man, I used to walk the rails to get to my favorite swimming hole, Sharp"s Pond. The walk on a sunny morning was thrilling and beautiful. The challenge was to get to the pond and back home again, without meeting an approaching train. Great memories. Thanks for sharing. Paul
Comment Written 03-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2011
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Thank you for reading me Paul.
Comment from Patrick Jordan
I love your Railroad poem! The memories of the tracks across from my house, the Hobo's, the sense of adventure I would feel - all these thing you have vividly captured. Amazing!
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2011
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I love your Railroad poem! The memories of the tracks across from my house, the Hobo's, the sense of adventure I would feel - all these thing you have vividly captured. Amazing!
Comment Written 03-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2011
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Thank you kindly MR. Patrick Jordan.