Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Part one Chapter four"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
83 total reviews
Comment from Terror2s
This is a terrific story. The dialogue reminded me of my days of practicing law. There were a few words that could have been omitted to make it a little tighter, but it read beautifully. When possible, I like to throw out suggestions, but it really ws a pleasure to read this one. You could remove "had" before "dated". You could also omit "to stay" since it is implied. T2
reply by the author on 09-May-2011
  |
This is a terrific story. The dialogue reminded me of my days of practicing law. There were a few words that could have been omitted to make it a little tighter, but it read beautifully. When possible, I like to throw out suggestions, but it really ws a pleasure to read this one. You could remove "had" before "dated". You could also omit "to stay" since it is implied. T2
Comment Written 09-May-2011
reply by the author on 09-May-2011
-
I will recheck those areas. I usually get gigged for not using hand. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Piggies Grandma
This story is very well written and it has so much feeling in it. I enjoyed your story and it held my attention the whole time. I look forward to reading the rest of your chapters and find out what happens to Anna and Michael.
reply by the author on 09-May-2011
|
This story is very well written and it has so much feeling in it. I enjoyed your story and it held my attention the whole time. I look forward to reading the rest of your chapters and find out what happens to Anna and Michael.
Comment Written 09-May-2011
reply by the author on 09-May-2011
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from yestyn
Oh I love the way you make the characters come to life and the man was a bully but at no time should he hit any one ,and certainly not the baby why do they just let these men out, and let this woman suffer because these men do not change.
reply by the author on 09-May-2011
|
Oh I love the way you make the characters come to life and the man was a bully but at no time should he hit any one ,and certainly not the baby why do they just let these men out, and let this woman suffer because these men do not change.
Comment Written 09-May-2011
reply by the author on 09-May-2011
-
Thank you for your kind reivew.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, barbara, i love this chapter, the one on one with anna and paul were realistic, the help of this man may get her the freedom she needs. great job
reply by the author on 09-May-2011
|
this is very well written, barbara, i love this chapter, the one on one with anna and paul were realistic, the help of this man may get her the freedom she needs. great job
Comment Written 09-May-2011
reply by the author on 09-May-2011
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Sarah_Goldwell
[Is it really possible to be free of Bobby and reclaim my life?] - YES Anna it is :-)
Great chapter, I like the background about Troy, answered a few questions for me.
[He wanted me to cut his meat in bite-sized pieces. I laughed and thought he was joking. He wasn't and hit me."] - These kind of details are so realistic. There are two types of 'beaters' One is a 'Bobby' who comes in from the pub drunk with the sole intention of beating his wife- these type would never dream of hitting a man. Then there's the type that cannot control their anger and would hit man, woman, or beast.
[I can't really say he forced himself on me, because I didn't try to stop him.] - This part in particular is very sad. It's a grey area which never gets reported, therefore it doesn't count towards the statistics. Yet it still leaves women feeling violated and out of control. You have touched on some very controversial issues in this chapter, and you have written them sensitivity and respect.
Excellent chapter, I can't offer any suggestions for improvement here, as there is none needed.
reply by the author on 09-May-2011
 |
[Is it really possible to be free of Bobby and reclaim my life?] - YES Anna it is :-)
Great chapter, I like the background about Troy, answered a few questions for me.
[He wanted me to cut his meat in bite-sized pieces. I laughed and thought he was joking. He wasn't and hit me."] - These kind of details are so realistic. There are two types of 'beaters' One is a 'Bobby' who comes in from the pub drunk with the sole intention of beating his wife- these type would never dream of hitting a man. Then there's the type that cannot control their anger and would hit man, woman, or beast.
[I can't really say he forced himself on me, because I didn't try to stop him.] - This part in particular is very sad. It's a grey area which never gets reported, therefore it doesn't count towards the statistics. Yet it still leaves women feeling violated and out of control. You have touched on some very controversial issues in this chapter, and you have written them sensitivity and respect.
Excellent chapter, I can't offer any suggestions for improvement here, as there is none needed.
Comment Written 09-May-2011
reply by the author on 09-May-2011
-
Thank you for your kind review and encouragement.
Comment from R. K. Alan
Since troy's father is an attorney I doubt he would refer to others in his profession as lawyers. I have been around a number of them and they generally say attorney. "I can assist you in getting a good experienced lawyer[attorney] who won't be..." just a suggestion.
The father bringing the ice cream was a nice touch. It helped to open her up. Ray aka R. K. Alan
reply by the author on 09-May-2011
|
Since troy's father is an attorney I doubt he would refer to others in his profession as lawyers. I have been around a number of them and they generally say attorney. "I can assist you in getting a good experienced lawyer[attorney] who won't be..." just a suggestion.
The father bringing the ice cream was a nice touch. It helped to open her up. Ray aka R. K. Alan
Comment Written 09-May-2011
reply by the author on 09-May-2011
-
Thank you for the assisstance. I will make that correction.
Comment from Chris Tee
Another superb write!!
You kept my eyes glued to the screen.
The dialogue is very good it feels as if you are in the roon with them.
Thank you for another good chapter
reply by the author on 09-May-2011
|
Another superb write!!
You kept my eyes glued to the screen.
The dialogue is very good it feels as if you are in the roon with them.
Thank you for another good chapter
Comment Written 09-May-2011
reply by the author on 09-May-2011
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Nanashirley
Happy Mothers Day to you as well. The story is growing well. Thanks for the information on everyone's life. I had worried how Troy was involved with abuse in his life. I saw no need for editing.
reply by the author on 09-May-2011
|
Happy Mothers Day to you as well. The story is growing well. Thanks for the information on everyone's life. I had worried how Troy was involved with abuse in his life. I saw no need for editing.
Comment Written 09-May-2011
reply by the author on 09-May-2011
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from writerwish
This is sooo good. I love the way you portray your characters. The dialogue too keeps the interest flowing. I only find possibly one error. See what you think..
my help, not Troy's. instead of my help, not Troy.
Can't wait to hear more.
reply by the author on 09-May-2011
|
This is sooo good. I love the way you portray your characters. The dialogue too keeps the interest flowing. I only find possibly one error. See what you think..
my help, not Troy's. instead of my help, not Troy.
Can't wait to hear more.
Comment Written 08-May-2011
reply by the author on 09-May-2011
-
Thank you for the kind review. I will check that area.
Comment from Rama Rao
Although I missed some parts before this post, I found this part holding my interest. Your writing shows your commitment to stop this kind of abuse at home. Beating a wife is very commonplace for the lower classes in my country. Several groups of women's rights activists have been helping these abused women. Your post on International Mother's Day is indeed opportune.
A few suggestions if I may.
1. A slender grayhaired man followed her- would save you 2 words.
2 Each time. time it got little worse-It progressively got worse- saves3.
3 He. used to cry, say he was sorry, beg me to forgive and promise it'd never happen again- saves 8.
4. His mother remarried and was murdered by that man when Troy was ten. -I think here 'that man' refers to her first husband. Kindly check and please don't mind.
reply by the author on 09-May-2011
|
Although I missed some parts before this post, I found this part holding my interest. Your writing shows your commitment to stop this kind of abuse at home. Beating a wife is very commonplace for the lower classes in my country. Several groups of women's rights activists have been helping these abused women. Your post on International Mother's Day is indeed opportune.
A few suggestions if I may.
1. A slender grayhaired man followed her- would save you 2 words.
2 Each time. time it got little worse-It progressively got worse- saves3.
3 He. used to cry, say he was sorry, beg me to forgive and promise it'd never happen again- saves 8.
4. His mother remarried and was murdered by that man when Troy was ten. -I think here 'that man' refers to her first husband. Kindly check and please don't mind.
Comment Written 08-May-2011
reply by the author on 09-May-2011
-
I will check those areas. Thank you for pointing them out. I have missed you.