Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 33 "Part three, Chapter 10"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
79 total reviews
Comment from rosine (roneth)
I enjoyed reading this chapter. I notice that in your notes you said "Avoid areas know to be frequented by the abuser", but wouldn't it be better to move very far away? That's what I would do.
Keep up the good work.
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2011
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I enjoyed reading this chapter. I notice that in your notes you said "Avoid areas know to be frequented by the abuser", but wouldn't it be better to move very far away? That's what I would do.
Keep up the good work.
Comment Written 25-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2011
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You are right, but sometimes that's not possible. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from BigTomNY
Awesome job with great structure an phrase!!! I enjoyed this emensely!! i just started a novel and it aint easy i cant get passed chapter one!
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2011
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Awesome job with great structure an phrase!!! I enjoyed this emensely!! i just started a novel and it aint easy i cant get passed chapter one!
Comment Written 25-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Dave M
Barbara,
This is an excellent chapter about a man who just seems incapable of learning anything. We'll see if he carries through with his threat.
I enjoyed this read and have one comment:
"You'll pay at the courthouse and we'll see [make sure, or see that] Mrs. Rodgers receives it."
Dave
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2011
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Barbara,
This is an excellent chapter about a man who just seems incapable of learning anything. We'll see if he carries through with his threat.
I enjoyed this read and have one comment:
"You'll pay at the courthouse and we'll see [make sure, or see that] Mrs. Rodgers receives it."
Dave
Comment Written 25-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2011
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I made that change thank you for catching it and for the kind review,
Comment from livingwords
I continue to love this story. No criticism at all. Your pacing and characterization and set descriptions are perfect.
One suggestion: When you use a lot of dialogue, it results in numerous short paragraphs that, to the reader, gets tiring. Take advantage of every opportunity to combine paragraphs. There's not many, but here's a couple of possibilities:
The two women walked down the hall to a room with the door cracked open. Anna stepped inside, leaned over the sleeping infant, and whispered, "I love you. I'll do my best to keep you safe."
The two attorneys walked into the hall. Anna glanced around the empty courtroom....
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2011
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I continue to love this story. No criticism at all. Your pacing and characterization and set descriptions are perfect.
One suggestion: When you use a lot of dialogue, it results in numerous short paragraphs that, to the reader, gets tiring. Take advantage of every opportunity to combine paragraphs. There's not many, but here's a couple of possibilities:
The two women walked down the hall to a room with the door cracked open. Anna stepped inside, leaned over the sleeping infant, and whispered, "I love you. I'll do my best to keep you safe."
The two attorneys walked into the hall. Anna glanced around the empty courtroom....
Comment Written 25-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2011
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I will do that. Thank you for the suggestion.
Comment from Roberta Joan Jensen
Paul and Anna walked into the courtroom and sat behind the plaintiff's[petitioner's] table. --- But wait a minute. Didn't Bobby file for the divorce? Didn't she file a response? She would then be the respondent. I didn't think of that in the previous chapter. If Bobby is the petitioner, he would have put his case on first at the trial.
"The respondent is responsible for all court costs." The judge closed the file. --- Court costs includes only filing fees and things loike that which is paid to the court. Attorneys' fees is separate and he has to order Bobby to pay Anna's attorney's fees if that is what you meant.
I guess I didn't read your Author Notes before. It's good that you put allthat info about abuse in there. Very nicely done.
Roberta
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2011
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Paul and Anna walked into the courtroom and sat behind the plaintiff's[petitioner's] table. --- But wait a minute. Didn't Bobby file for the divorce? Didn't she file a response? She would then be the respondent. I didn't think of that in the previous chapter. If Bobby is the petitioner, he would have put his case on first at the trial.
"The respondent is responsible for all court costs." The judge closed the file. --- Court costs includes only filing fees and things loike that which is paid to the court. Attorneys' fees is separate and he has to order Bobby to pay Anna's attorney's fees if that is what you meant.
I guess I didn't read your Author Notes before. It's good that you put allthat info about abuse in there. Very nicely done.
Roberta
Comment Written 25-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2011
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Bobby said that he had filed, but he did not actually do it. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Belinda
Phew. Good news and more good news. Interesting chapter with satisfactory progress. Now I'm worried about what lies ahead ...:) Thanks for sharing your story.
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2011
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Phew. Good news and more good news. Interesting chapter with satisfactory progress. Now I'm worried about what lies ahead ...:) Thanks for sharing your story.
Comment Written 25-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from teacherdub
The tension has been turned up considerably in this chapter. Although a respite is given to Anna and little Michael, it is obvious that the undertones are menacing in Bobby's reaction to the decree. Excellent job, Barbara. td
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2011
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The tension has been turned up considerably in this chapter. Although a respite is given to Anna and little Michael, it is obvious that the undertones are menacing in Bobby's reaction to the decree. Excellent job, Barbara. td
Comment Written 25-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from HPicasso
BRAVO! NICELY DONE! BEAUTIFUL CHAPTER!
This is an excellentwriting skills with a smooth flow of words, making for me an easy read... It is no good that you attract my attention for this subject as possible. This chapter held my attention one more all the way, from the beginning to the end... Thanks for sharig. Good job!
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2011
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BRAVO! NICELY DONE! BEAUTIFUL CHAPTER!
This is an excellentwriting skills with a smooth flow of words, making for me an easy read... It is no good that you attract my attention for this subject as possible. This chapter held my attention one more all the way, from the beginning to the end... Thanks for sharig. Good job!
Comment Written 25-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from sunnilicious
The waiting can be so nerve-wracking. Cheese and crackers are good. Maybe they should of sipped some wine too. I think everyone is being to nice to Anna. Maybe it's suppose to be that way. Robert Leroy Rodgers.... sounds really country folk. That's not so much child support. Bobby made away like a bandit. Good work.
Happy Sunday.
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2011
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The waiting can be so nerve-wracking. Cheese and crackers are good. Maybe they should of sipped some wine too. I think everyone is being to nice to Anna. Maybe it's suppose to be that way. Robert Leroy Rodgers.... sounds really country folk. That's not so much child support. Bobby made away like a bandit. Good work.
Happy Sunday.
Comment Written 25-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2011
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Bobby doesn't make that much money, it will hurt him. Thank you for the kind review.
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anna sounds mismatched from the start. and you're welcome.
Comment from pickthorn
I like the pace and suspence generated in this story. We are left with the thought that Bobby is planning a dangerous visit to Anna and her child once he is freed from jail. Very entertaining story.
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2011
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I like the pace and suspence generated in this story. We are left with the thought that Bobby is planning a dangerous visit to Anna and her child once he is freed from jail. Very entertaining story.
Comment Written 25-Sep-2011
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.