Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 38 "Part 2, Chapter 12"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
73 total reviews
Comment from allborn66
I've not been following the story. This is a good read. I can identify with the characters. The dialogue is good. It has a nice flow.
Barbara
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2011
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I've not been following the story. This is a good read. I can identify with the characters. The dialogue is good. It has a nice flow.
Barbara
Comment Written 30-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Barb,
Looks like Fanstory won't let me give you a six?
What a surprise day in the court room
I must say you know how to make a twist in your story I would never except.
Great chapter
what next?
Gert
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2011
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Hello Barb,
Looks like Fanstory won't let me give you a six?
What a surprise day in the court room
I must say you know how to make a twist in your story I would never except.
Great chapter
what next?
Gert
Comment Written 30-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2011
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Thank you for the kind review. I only have two twists left. I do have to figure a way to get Troy and Anna together. With her abuse I need to keep it simple and slow, but people are pushing for the romance. To me that's not realistic.
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Barb pleas don't rush you story it's like life it takes time-- nothing good happens all at once
Gert
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Thats the way I feel about it and I want it to move so and natural.
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Good
See you later.
Gert
Comment from Sweet Anita
I enjoyed this chapter. The dialogue and Anna's reaction to hearing about Troy's Hepatitis B seemed very realistic. I can imagine how she might have felt. I hope that Anna accepts Troy's explanation. That is quite a stigma he has to carry, through no fault of his own. Great job of writing, Barbara.
Nita :-)
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2011
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I enjoyed this chapter. The dialogue and Anna's reaction to hearing about Troy's Hepatitis B seemed very realistic. I can imagine how she might have felt. I hope that Anna accepts Troy's explanation. That is quite a stigma he has to carry, through no fault of his own. Great job of writing, Barbara.
Nita :-)
Comment Written 30-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2011
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Thank you for the kind review. I appreciate your support.
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You're welcome. I'm looking forward to the next chapter. :-)
Comment from judiverse
Hi, barbara. This is an exciting chapter. The hepatitis infection is an unexpected twist. It seems that Anna's enemies are doing all they can to see that she loses custody of her son. This portion seemed to be handled very realistically and the characters' reactions were in keeping with what the reader knows about them. Good job. judi
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2011
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Hi, barbara. This is an exciting chapter. The hepatitis infection is an unexpected twist. It seems that Anna's enemies are doing all they can to see that she loses custody of her son. This portion seemed to be handled very realistically and the characters' reactions were in keeping with what the reader knows about them. Good job. judi
Comment Written 30-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from patsolstad
This chapter is quite well written. I found some things you may want to change. I don't understand why Anna is asking 'what?' at the beginning. Also, perhaps you will want to consider writing, '...my chambers. Now!' In the paragraph beginning with 'Tears streamed...' I believe you meant to type 'touched.' There should be a comma between 'missing' and 'too.' 'Life-threatening' and 'blood-borne' should both be hyphenated. You probably intended to write 'three months' rather than 'three month.' Nice writing...
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reply by the author on 30-Oct-2011
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This chapter is quite well written. I found some things you may want to change. I don't understand why Anna is asking 'what?' at the beginning. Also, perhaps you will want to consider writing, '...my chambers. Now!' In the paragraph beginning with 'Tears streamed...' I believe you meant to type 'touched.' There should be a comma between 'missing' and 'too.' 'Life-threatening' and 'blood-borne' should both be hyphenated. You probably intended to write 'three months' rather than 'three month.' Nice writing...
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2011
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I have already fixed months. As for blood borne the only place it's hyphenated is in wikipedia. The CDC has it written the way I chose to write it and I trust the CDC a little more than wikipedia. If you had read the previous chapter you would understand Anna questioning What? The rest I will take care of right now.
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Thanks for correcting me. As I looked it up, I also found it written as one word--bloodborne. I always like to learn new things on this site. Thanks again!
Comment from Mariea
Good morning Barbara. Another good chapter that's been well edited. Characters and dialogue still consistent and easy to follow. Looking for the next one
Hugs Mia
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2011
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Good morning Barbara. Another good chapter that's been well edited. Characters and dialogue still consistent and easy to follow. Looking for the next one
Hugs Mia
Comment Written 30-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from BigTomNY
Fantastic job getting a must needed and necessary message out there to the world. Bravo!!! This should be a mandantory read for all!!
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2011
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Fantastic job getting a must needed and necessary message out there to the world. Bravo!!! This should be a mandantory read for all!!
Comment Written 30-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from AprilShower
This was a awful thing to be brought out in court. It has nothing to do with the trial. Her ex-husband and his parents are evil people. It seems they are out to destroy everyone they come in contact with. Good story, Barbara.
April
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2011
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This was a awful thing to be brought out in court. It has nothing to do with the trial. Her ex-husband and his parents are evil people. It seems they are out to destroy everyone they come in contact with. Good story, Barbara.
April
Comment Written 30-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from rwilliam
VERY good chapter. I really enjoyed the drama in this chapter. You did a wonderful job of creating emotion and drawing me into it! :-)
I'm doing fine. I get tired once in a while when I shouldn't. ~ Explain this further, why does he get tired when he shouldn't? As a reader I know nothing about this disease so more info would be helpful. It leaves me wondering why he shouldn't be tired?
I have doctor visits every three month ~ Typo...month(s)
Great work. Keep it going! :p
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2011
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VERY good chapter. I really enjoyed the drama in this chapter. You did a wonderful job of creating emotion and drawing me into it! :-)
I'm doing fine. I get tired once in a while when I shouldn't. ~ Explain this further, why does he get tired when he shouldn't? As a reader I know nothing about this disease so more info would be helpful. It leaves me wondering why he shouldn't be tired?
I have doctor visits every three month ~ Typo...month(s)
Great work. Keep it going! :p
Comment Written 30-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2011
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I have fixed the typo. I will see what I can do about the the tiredness. I was afraid to over power my readers with too much information and making the chapter boring. I appreciate the input.
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I understand that worry. I go there also. It doesn't have to be a lot of explaining. For example: I get a little more tired than I should.. Or I get a little more tired and run down than the doctors would like. Something like that explains it better.
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I like your second idea. I will use it. thank you.
Comment from mumsyone
Another good chapter, Barbara. Hope you are doing well.
"The Rodgers (Rodgers') attorney dug up dirt
thinks you've exposed Michael to a life(-)threatening disease."
I have doctor visits every three month (months)
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2011
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Another good chapter, Barbara. Hope you are doing well.
"The Rodgers (Rodgers') attorney dug up dirt
thinks you've exposed Michael to a life(-)threatening disease."
I have doctor visits every three month (months)
Comment Written 30-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2011
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I will fix those typos. No matter how often I read and edit, I still make mistakes.
DARN!!!
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No problem. It happens to all of us.