Again
ABAB Poem60 total reviews
Comment from Rondeno
Purely, simply, beautiful. You tell an emotionally-compelling story with delicate touched (like her hair coming unbound) in iambic pentameter which feels natural, and you never miss a beat with the rhymes. Accomplished, intelligent and - most of all - beautiful.
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2013
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Purely, simply, beautiful. You tell an emotionally-compelling story with delicate touched (like her hair coming unbound) in iambic pentameter which feels natural, and you never miss a beat with the rhymes. Accomplished, intelligent and - most of all - beautiful.
Comment Written 27-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2013
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You are so sweet to take the time to read and review this. I can only imagine, from the state of my inbox, that you have been very busy writing your own these days (while I have been nursing and then succumbing to the flu) and I am flattered that you pried yourself away from your own precious words to contemplate mine. I think I may have mentioned before that I am a bit old school in my love of pure rhymes, so your acknowledgement of my success with them is much appreciated. If you don't mind my asking, what is your line of work that has you cavorting and consorting with the Spanish on the Iberian Peninsula? - Wendy
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Hi, Wendy!
You are free - indeed, welcome - to ask anything you want. I've done all kinds of stupid jobs here, but I'm currently teaching English to young Spanish professionals. If only I didn't have to make a living ... (sigh!) I'm glad to learn that you're getting over the 'flu - I've just undergone one of the worst bouts of it I've ever had.
It's great to hear from you, and I say again, your poem was just delightful.
Mike xxxx
Comment from Janet Foor
This is a wonderful piece of poetry. I was touched by the tenderness of the words. Excellent use of alliteration. You captivated me from the very first line. While there is sadness, I was right there with you and I could see the boy in blue jeans and experienced your joy.
Good luck in the contest.
Janet :-)
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2013
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This is a wonderful piece of poetry. I was touched by the tenderness of the words. Excellent use of alliteration. You captivated me from the very first line. While there is sadness, I was right there with you and I could see the boy in blue jeans and experienced your joy.
Good luck in the contest.
Janet :-)
Comment Written 27-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2013
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Thank you Janet for your kind and thoughtful review. I appreciate your good wishes and, of course, that lovely sixth.- Wendy
Comment from justatuna
I couldn't give this less than a 6. It's not my style of poetry as I find it very difficult to write poems about love. I'm glad you can. This was truly beautiful. Flowed perfectly and a great rhyming pattern. Simple and elegant. The message meant the most to me. To know that kind of love exists has meaning. Thanks.
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2013
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I couldn't give this less than a 6. It's not my style of poetry as I find it very difficult to write poems about love. I'm glad you can. This was truly beautiful. Flowed perfectly and a great rhyming pattern. Simple and elegant. The message meant the most to me. To know that kind of love exists has meaning. Thanks.
Comment Written 27-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2013
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review my words. I have never written a love poem in the classic ode to a Valentine or to try and woo someone. I would just feel downright silly. But I do love a good story, and find it easier to write about love from that perspective. I don't know what happens in death, but it would sure be nice if my little scenario were true, wouldn't it? - Wendy
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Yes, but the fact that we can understand the meaning and write about it is significant to me.
Comment from K.W.
How wonderful. !! I have chill bumps. I'm so touched. Impeccable form, effortless rhyme. Lovely and magical. Thank you for sharing! :) best, k
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2013
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How wonderful. !! I have chill bumps. I'm so touched. Impeccable form, effortless rhyme. Lovely and magical. Thank you for sharing! :) best, k
Comment Written 27-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2013
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Hello K.W. And if I haven't already done so, welcome to FanStory. I am so glad that you liked this piece. I am just beginning to work with this meter and find it a fun challenge. I am glad that you found it ,"magical." I appreciate the read and review and, of course, that extra star. -Wendy
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Pleasure is mine:)
Comment from angelmagnet
wonderful poem lacing reality and memory with what is and what was. What a beautiful love these two must have shared. My only suggestion, the second line express her laughter at everything, not "nothing". Your words work well enough that I see the bluejeans boy also
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2013
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wonderful poem lacing reality and memory with what is and what was. What a beautiful love these two must have shared. My only suggestion, the second line express her laughter at everything, not "nothing". Your words work well enough that I see the bluejeans boy also
Comment Written 27-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2013
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review my words again. I appreciate your thorough description of your feelings and the extra star too. The laughing at nothing (in particular) is a phrase common to me, but perhaps not others. Everything, unfortunately, has too many syllables. ;-) Wendy
Comment from muezza56
this is a beautiful poem, beautifully composed, with passion and compassion, although sometimes memories can be bitter sweet, here they are alive and vibrant and the ending has the classic style, where to loved ones are re-united
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2013
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this is a beautiful poem, beautifully composed, with passion and compassion, although sometimes memories can be bitter sweet, here they are alive and vibrant and the ending has the classic style, where to loved ones are re-united
Comment Written 27-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2013
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Thank you again Muezza56. I hope you are enjoying learning the ins and outs of the site and making new discoveries about your own writing. --Wendy
Comment from Curt Mongold
This is a lovely piece that incorporates beautiful wording and a smooth as glass flow to convey the message to the reader on love and loss, and reconnecting to that loved one, even in death.
Simply excellent writing.
A pleasure,
Curt
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2013
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This is a lovely piece that incorporates beautiful wording and a smooth as glass flow to convey the message to the reader on love and loss, and reconnecting to that loved one, even in death.
Simply excellent writing.
A pleasure,
Curt
Comment Written 27-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2013
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Thank you for taking the time to read and review my piece, Curt. I am glad you ran out of hankies for this one. Seriously, I have only recently looked at your work and I'm impressed. The stars mean so much more when I respect the donor.--Wendy
Comment from Gungalo
Her heartbeat flutters wildly at the last.
How sad those gathered round can't feel her joy
as through the seasons of her girlhood past
she races to embrace the blue-jeaned boy.
This is so beautiful it brought tears to my eyes girl. So many are so lucky to have this kind of love. Sigh.
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2013
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Her heartbeat flutters wildly at the last.
How sad those gathered round can't feel her joy
as through the seasons of her girlhood past
she races to embrace the blue-jeaned boy.
This is so beautiful it brought tears to my eyes girl. So many are so lucky to have this kind of love. Sigh.
Comment Written 27-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2013
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Thank you so much for the time to read and review my little story. Wouldn't it be great if my little scenario were true? -Wendy
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Yes it would.
Comment from dmt1967
This is a wonderful poem I felt mixed emotions but overall very good I liked the picture and the last line of her boy in jeans good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing
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reply by the author on 27-Jan-2013
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This is a wonderful poem I felt mixed emotions but overall very good I liked the picture and the last line of her boy in jeans good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2013
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Thank you for taking the time to read and review my words. If you can find just a bit more time, would you mind sharing those mixed emotions with me? I am always looking to improve my work and leaning its impact on others is the best tool to do that. I would really appreciate it. - Wendy
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i felt sad then at the end happy and a bit whimsical hope that helps
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It does! I guess I'm just a bit paranoid then. I thought that mixed emotions refered to your attitude about the poem in general, not the journey you took through it. Whew. Thanks for taking the time to clear that up.
Comment from L. Sherman
Despite the sad implication in the final stanza this maintains a beautiful, uplifting tone. It's a lovely poem of fond remembrance and joy at being reunited with a loved one already gone. Your words flow naturally and there's something very gentle in them that makes this a very sweet read. Personally, I've always found abab poems to be a pain to write and I commend you for the mastery you display over this type of poetry.
Very well done.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2013
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Despite the sad implication in the final stanza this maintains a beautiful, uplifting tone. It's a lovely poem of fond remembrance and joy at being reunited with a loved one already gone. Your words flow naturally and there's something very gentle in them that makes this a very sweet read. Personally, I've always found abab poems to be a pain to write and I commend you for the mastery you display over this type of poetry.
Very well done.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2013
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Thank you so much for your read and thoughtful review of my words. I have been trying every form I can get my hands on since I found the site 7 months ago, but still prefer my rhyming comfort zone. It is not the rhyming I find so difficult, it is finding interesting rhymes, or building a framework where they don't seem trite that is my favorite challenge. I am so glad you think that I met it here. - Wendy