Woe of the Underwood
The cursed contraption won't let me go...65 total reviews
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi the author,
Shades of E A Poe in this I think, that is a lot of pages typed each day, and by the sound of it, no time to eat or rest.
Good luck with the competition. I spotted one correction for you -
He harrumphed heartedly, smirked, then said four simple - heartedly should be heartily.
Patrick
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2014
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Hi the author,
Shades of E A Poe in this I think, that is a lot of pages typed each day, and by the sound of it, no time to eat or rest.
Good luck with the competition. I spotted one correction for you -
He harrumphed heartedly, smirked, then said four simple - heartedly should be heartily.
Patrick
Comment Written 26-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2014
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Thanks very much for catching that, Patrick. Good eye!
I really appreciate you outstanding review and comments.
Comment from oliviastjames
I absolutely loved this! What a fascinating tale. I know this was written for a contest--was there a word limit? Because this is definitely something I could see you expanding into a novel if properly fleshed out. Very Stephen King-ish. Fantastic job!
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2014
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I absolutely loved this! What a fascinating tale. I know this was written for a contest--was there a word limit? Because this is definitely something I could see you expanding into a novel if properly fleshed out. Very Stephen King-ish. Fantastic job!
Comment Written 26-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2014
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Thank you very much, Olivia, what a wonderful complimentary review. There was no word limit for this particular contest. I have thought about expanding it as well, do you think it could work as a series?
I appreciated that Stephen King reference. He's my favorite author, and I believe I have read everything he's ever written, including a cartoon strip he did while in high school.
Thanks so much again, I'm very glad you liked the story.
Comment from ennahanid
This is totally brilliant. I am loving that old Underwood except unfortunately it might appear that it will be the death of the narrator of this piece...Frederick and/or Derek - take your pick. Always apologizing but I'm chuckling. Thank you for this talented piece about an even more talented typewriter - Dinah
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2014
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This is totally brilliant. I am loving that old Underwood except unfortunately it might appear that it will be the death of the narrator of this piece...Frederick and/or Derek - take your pick. Always apologizing but I'm chuckling. Thank you for this talented piece about an even more talented typewriter - Dinah
Comment Written 26-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2014
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Hah-ha, thanks, Dinah, I really appreciate it ...
Derek is Frederick's pseudonym. I make mention of it very early on in the story. I think that's what you're referring to.
Thanks so much again!
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I knew that I was just making silly to make sure I got enough lines in for the comment
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:}
Don't ya' hate it when you have to do that?
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Yep! I do muchly much so...
Comment from Green Lake Girl
Great story! Chilling and well told. The tone of the story is so matter-of-fact making for delicious irony. I loved your phrase, "satanic symphony."
My mother was a typing teacher. When I was a little kid I would sometimes visit her classroom. In those days, she typed on a manual; 120 words a minute. I loved the sound of the keys and the "ding" at the end. But I digress . . . your story is fabulous.
That is, until now. now. (An error?)
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2014
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Great story! Chilling and well told. The tone of the story is so matter-of-fact making for delicious irony. I loved your phrase, "satanic symphony."
My mother was a typing teacher. When I was a little kid I would sometimes visit her classroom. In those days, she typed on a manual; 120 words a minute. I loved the sound of the keys and the "ding" at the end. But I digress . . . your story is fabulous.
That is, until now. now. (An error?)
Comment Written 26-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2014
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Oops! yep, another dang typo, lol. Thanks for catching that, Green Lake Girl. I'll fix it right away!
I, like you, have always loved the sound and feel of a typewriter. Unfortunately, however, when deadlines need to be met, a computer is the better option.
I sincerely appreciate the awesome review. Thanks so much again!
Comment from N.K. Wagner
Lots of careless errors. Following are just a few.
extravagant, but rather reasonable sum - can't be both, they're opposites
Damned thing types itself. - that's only 4 words.
late night ritual downing endless amounts -of downing
a rogue woodpecker doing it's damnedest to break out one of my windows- really good!
Still in tact,- intact
Why the last line? We-R-1. is very clear.
Clean it up and I'll raise the rating. :/ nancy
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2014
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Lots of careless errors. Following are just a few.
extravagant, but rather reasonable sum - can't be both, they're opposites
Damned thing types itself. - that's only 4 words.
late night ritual downing endless amounts -of downing
a rogue woodpecker doing it's damnedest to break out one of my windows- really good!
Still in tact,- intact
Why the last line? We-R-1. is very clear.
Clean it up and I'll raise the rating. :/ nancy
Comment Written 26-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2014
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Thanks, Nancy. I'll take care of those right away!
Done and done, thanks so much again. I'm sure it will be much clearer now. I'm kind of tentative about changing that last line, but I did it anyway. Some people aren't as perceptive as you are. You have to smack them right in the chops with what you're trying to say. But ...we'll see.
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Always respect your writer's intelligence. That message isn't any more difficult than most vanity license plates. :) Nancy
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I try to.
:]
I've just been burned time and time again on this site, when I felt the message was a plain as the nose on my face. But, perhaps it was just me?
I made some revisions. If you care to take another look to make sure I've shored it up enough to raise the rating, feel free.
I really appreciate the help, Nancy!
Comment from barleygirl
Excellent storytelling, flawless writing, & original, tight concept, perfect for this contest. Most readers would be carried along by the rapid pace & believable telling.
But I had a bump or two. I'm not convinced the first occurrence of ghostliness was anywhere near sufficient to make a person get rid of the typewriter. I believe most people would've kept it longer, to see more. After all, the purchase was made BECUZ the thing was haunted, so one little haunting simply wouldn't have had such a result: stomping back to the store for a refund.
Plus, the "extravagant price" . . . another reason most people would NOT have just casually tossed it after finding out that a return was not possible. Most people would've tried to get some of their money back, somehow . . . another pawn shop, garage sale, or even giving it away to plague some annoying friend.
And further on, once the ghostliness was well-established to be completely annoying & even life-wrecking, most people would've destroyed it, not merely tossed it in the trash a dozen times. So these things take away from the believability for me.
But I'm sure most readers would love this story from beginning to end. This is a classically original & graphic line: "He used the tip of his tongue to dislodge some wayward pieces of tobacco, then informed me why" . . . Thanks for sharing & good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2014
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Excellent storytelling, flawless writing, & original, tight concept, perfect for this contest. Most readers would be carried along by the rapid pace & believable telling.
But I had a bump or two. I'm not convinced the first occurrence of ghostliness was anywhere near sufficient to make a person get rid of the typewriter. I believe most people would've kept it longer, to see more. After all, the purchase was made BECUZ the thing was haunted, so one little haunting simply wouldn't have had such a result: stomping back to the store for a refund.
Plus, the "extravagant price" . . . another reason most people would NOT have just casually tossed it after finding out that a return was not possible. Most people would've tried to get some of their money back, somehow . . . another pawn shop, garage sale, or even giving it away to plague some annoying friend.
And further on, once the ghostliness was well-established to be completely annoying & even life-wrecking, most people would've destroyed it, not merely tossed it in the trash a dozen times. So these things take away from the believability for me.
But I'm sure most readers would love this story from beginning to end. This is a classically original & graphic line: "He used the tip of his tongue to dislodge some wayward pieces of tobacco, then informed me why" . . . Thanks for sharing & good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2014
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Thanks, barelygirl, I appreciate your indepth review.
The protagonist did try to destroy it, but it always came back in tact and as good as new.
"I tried several times to get rid of the typewriter over the days to come. I put it out with the trash numerous times, yet it would always come back later that evening. I smashed it with a hammer, tossed the pieces into the Ohio river ? only to find it sitting on my desk after I'd managed to get in a quick nap. Still in tact, sparkling like brand new ..." --is one example, cut directly from the text, and;
"The last gasp effort I'd made to rid myself of this cursed apparatus brought a frightening revelation home to bear. After I'd sneaked into a local rock quarry around midnight, I tossed the typewriter onto a conveyor belt which carried the larger stones to the crusher. When I arrived home, it was sitting in its accustomed spot once again, as if nothing had happened. However, I readily noticed that something was different."
As for his reasoning for purchasing the computer, it was more that he was intrigued by its history than his belief that it was actually haunted. I stated twice that while he wrote horror fiction, he never bought into the notion of ghosts or anything supernatural.:
"While I frequently write of ghosts, vengeful spirits, and many other unspeakable creatures that go bump in the night, I've never actually bought into any of it. Simply old legends and lore, rehashed to terrify and titillate the hungry masses while fattening my bank account."
So, there you have it, and thanks for reading. I appreciate it.
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I'm responding to the 2nd line in your quoted material: "put it in the trash numerous times" . . . this happens before the attempts at destruction, & this is what seems unlikely to me.
Also, despite your 2nd explanation, I still don't believe a person would ditch the thing after one minor ghostliness, if he was motivated to pay an extravagant sum in the first place.
Thanks for considering my lapses in belief.
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Hah, no problem, B.G. I know if were me that purchased it, expensive or not, it would be going out with the trash, lol.
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I must be considerably more poor than you! *smile*
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, mystery writer, you did an excellent job writing this story about the writer held hostage by the typewriter who had stories to tell. i enjoyed reading it. good luck in the contest
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2014
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this is very well written, mystery writer, you did an excellent job writing this story about the writer held hostage by the typewriter who had stories to tell. i enjoyed reading it. good luck in the contest
Comment Written 26-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2014
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Thank you for your warm comments, sweetwoodjax. I appreciate it.
Comment from TKField
Chills. Would have made a good episode of The Twilight Zone. The episode where Telly Savalas can't destroy the Chatty Cathy doll that's trying to kill him (and finally does). You've definitely got a way with words and and ear for a nicely turned phrase (careful not to overuse "cursed"). Nice undercurrent of dark humor.
Interesting, that the typewriter killed the other writer but subsumes the narrator of this story. Does he die when subsumed and waits for the next victim. It's like the thing is amassing the writing skills of each writer it consumes, getting better and better. Hidden levels. The guy's a horror writer and this is basically a horror story that gets produced. The kicker could have been the piece itself being written by the phantom typewriter.
Last line..."That's what I told Fred, before I fused his essence with my own. He's going to enjoy it here, I think. We've got a regular Algonquin Roundtable going in here."
Or something like that. Great job....TKF
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2014
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Chills. Would have made a good episode of The Twilight Zone. The episode where Telly Savalas can't destroy the Chatty Cathy doll that's trying to kill him (and finally does). You've definitely got a way with words and and ear for a nicely turned phrase (careful not to overuse "cursed"). Nice undercurrent of dark humor.
Interesting, that the typewriter killed the other writer but subsumes the narrator of this story. Does he die when subsumed and waits for the next victim. It's like the thing is amassing the writing skills of each writer it consumes, getting better and better. Hidden levels. The guy's a horror writer and this is basically a horror story that gets produced. The kicker could have been the piece itself being written by the phantom typewriter.
Last line..."That's what I told Fred, before I fused his essence with my own. He's going to enjoy it here, I think. We've got a regular Algonquin Roundtable going in here."
Or something like that. Great job....TKF
Comment Written 25-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2014
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My, my, we've got a myriad of thinkers on FS tonight. I love it!
Thanks for your indepth, awesome review, TKF. I'm a huge fan of the old TZ series, and grew up as a young boy slathering over each episode. Rod Serling happens to be one of my idols. I also really loved those Night Gallery episodes he hosted, season one being the best by far. That being said, you picked up perfectly on the fact that the old Underwood is usurping the talents and skills of each person who writes that possesses it. Great eye! I did toy with the idea that the typewriter was writing the story, but felt it might come across as too hokey or forced. So, I made the man and machine merge as one, a direct slap in the face to the ways in which the technologies of today sap the intimacy out of conversation and socialization today. Skype, smart phones, Facebook, texting ... we hardly speak to each other face to face anymore as a society.
Anyway, I could go on all night about those topics, and I have already taken up enough of your time. So, I will say "Thank you!", and hope to catch a story or two from you in the very near future.
Thanks again!
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You're very welcome, and you can catcha tale of mine right now. It's currentlysitting about two spaces behind yours on the first page. Give it a peek, if you geta spare tick. It's called "Gullible's Travels"....TKF
Comment from c_lucas
There is a lot of truth written without our knowledge. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. Good luck in your contest.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2014
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There is a lot of truth written without our knowledge. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. Good luck in your contest.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2014
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Thanks very much for reading this one for me, Charlie. I realize it was rather lengthy. I appreciate your kind comments.
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You're welcome.
Comment from Rainbowsofhappiness
This story is true in a manner in that we become slaves to technology and our writing at times unable to tear ourselves away from our iPhones, tablets, and other devices nowadays long enough to hold a civilized conversation with another live human being. We text, Skype, email, or blog with an intensity so fierce and innate, the world around us closes in, drowning out everything but the tapping of keys. While this is in a contest for ghost stories, the truly haunting aspect of this story is how true to life it is. Told in a narrative fashion, events are relayed to the reader through the eyes of the story's main character with minimal dialogue. The dialogue that is presented in this piece flows easily between characters. The opening paragraph immediately draws the reader's attention from the first line when the narrator/character states "I'd purchased the cursed thing from a secondhand store on Piper Street". The way the writer starts the story with this line makes the reader want to know what the "cursed thing" is that he refers to. This technique piques the interest of the reader enticing them to want to continue reading on to learn more. This is an excellent technique to employ. The style of the way the writer has the character formally address the audience and introduce themselves enhances the reader's ability to become invested with what happens to the character. Throughout the story as the main character literally becomes a slave to his writing, the reader can clearly sense the agitation and the draining of energy experienced by the character as a result of the writer's precisely chosen word choices, which create an intense impact on the reader. The writer maintains this impact throughout the entire story. I truly felt the character getting weaker and more drained at the mercy of this typewriter. The fact that the writer included a photo of an old typewriter and then ended the story with a picture of a typewriter where the keys look like they are upturned in a menacing smile not only helps the writer enhance his words, but helps the reader envision the minute details of this antiquated technology. The final message that the typewriter conveys to the character through its missing keys spelling out "We are one", is deliciously scary and strikes fear into the reader's mind allowing the story to resonate strongly. Very well written, rich with imagery, and a well defined character. The writer eloquently builds to the final climactic scene slowly, relishing in the build up. Well done!
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2014
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This story is true in a manner in that we become slaves to technology and our writing at times unable to tear ourselves away from our iPhones, tablets, and other devices nowadays long enough to hold a civilized conversation with another live human being. We text, Skype, email, or blog with an intensity so fierce and innate, the world around us closes in, drowning out everything but the tapping of keys. While this is in a contest for ghost stories, the truly haunting aspect of this story is how true to life it is. Told in a narrative fashion, events are relayed to the reader through the eyes of the story's main character with minimal dialogue. The dialogue that is presented in this piece flows easily between characters. The opening paragraph immediately draws the reader's attention from the first line when the narrator/character states "I'd purchased the cursed thing from a secondhand store on Piper Street". The way the writer starts the story with this line makes the reader want to know what the "cursed thing" is that he refers to. This technique piques the interest of the reader enticing them to want to continue reading on to learn more. This is an excellent technique to employ. The style of the way the writer has the character formally address the audience and introduce themselves enhances the reader's ability to become invested with what happens to the character. Throughout the story as the main character literally becomes a slave to his writing, the reader can clearly sense the agitation and the draining of energy experienced by the character as a result of the writer's precisely chosen word choices, which create an intense impact on the reader. The writer maintains this impact throughout the entire story. I truly felt the character getting weaker and more drained at the mercy of this typewriter. The fact that the writer included a photo of an old typewriter and then ended the story with a picture of a typewriter where the keys look like they are upturned in a menacing smile not only helps the writer enhance his words, but helps the reader envision the minute details of this antiquated technology. The final message that the typewriter conveys to the character through its missing keys spelling out "We are one", is deliciously scary and strikes fear into the reader's mind allowing the story to resonate strongly. Very well written, rich with imagery, and a well defined character. The writer eloquently builds to the final climactic scene slowly, relishing in the build up. Well done!
Comment Written 25-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2014
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Wow, I am literally blown away by your indepth, spot-on review here, Rainbowsofhappiness. You have not only flawlessly and accurately nailed my meaning for writing this in the manner I did, it's almost as if you were inside my head while I wrote it.
You too picked up on the spiritual draining of the narrator as the story progresses, and I am very glad of that. It was a primary component to the telling of the tale.
Again, i can't thank you enough for everything that you said here. In this instance, the reviewer deserves a bow and a hearty "BRAVO" to go along with it...
Bravo!
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You are truly welcome! Wow I'm humbled by your praise of my review! I am always so happy when my review resonates with the reader so intensely! :-)
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It was awesome! It's so nice to see someone take the time to sit down and truly ponder what you did, and the reasons why you did it that way. This was one of the hardest pieces for me to have written to date, and I am very appreciative of reviews such as yours.
Thanks so much again!
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You are most welcome! :-)