Comment from Wendyanne

Excellent

I see your opening words "So soft" are same as mine for this contest. We must be on the same wavelength. Excellent imagery and alliteration throughout. Good luck.

 Comment Written 23-Sep-2014

---

reply by the author on 25-Sep-2014

That's the only similar thing about our two poems, though! Mine designed to evoke sadness and contemplation and yours to raise a hearty laugh.

Thanks for stopping by.

Steve

Comment from Lovinia

Excellent

Hi Steve

Lovely ... brought a few tears to my eyes. Beautiful imagery as you depict pre-dawn, set the atmosphere in silence and draw us to a loved one's final resting place. A quiet, serene special place where lover's met to watch the dawn and the splendid view. Now one is parted and no longer will they share this joy, except in the memory of the one who remains behind.

"The sun ignite(s) the pines to ..." - one little typo.

Excellent use of enjambment providing fluidity to your phrases.

Lovely abundance of alliteration enhanced by assonance and consonance throughout:

"So soft the shades of night in silence spill
across the dewy lawns in well-trimmed lines." - the 's', 'o', i', and more.

Great imagistic phrasing:

" ... a crazy quilt gold-hemmed by dawn's first rays." - love this.

" ... sleeps in misty gown
that swathes the silver stream ..." - love this.

Perfect ABAB rhyme scheme. I enjoyed your word use with "burning brands". And excellent entry for the contest and sure to be a contender for the win. I wish you the best of luck. Hugs - Lovinia xoxo

 Comment Written 23-Sep-2014

---

reply by the author on 25-Sep-2014

Lovinia, thanks so much for the comprehensive and thoughtful review (as usual, I might add)

The line about the sun igniting the pines is part of an extended question, hence the apparent error...

Always nice to have an expert eye cast over my poems to tell me what I'm doing right!

Steve

Comment from Sasha

Excellent

This is beautifully written and deeply moving and so poignant knowing your companion has died and will be missed. Excellent work with this one and a terrific entry for this contest. I sincerely wish you all the best.

 Comment Written 23-Sep-2014

---

reply by the author on 25-Sep-2014

Sasha, thanks for the kind words and good luck wishes.

Steve

Comment from jackpeg

Exceptional

Poignant and powerful, Steve. A beautiful word picture of a place where you and a loved one spent time together, but is now her final resting place. Several lines stand out, but,

"Do you remember how, on such a morn,
we marvelled at the view and, holding hands
as lovers do, we watched the world reborn?
The sun ignite the pines to burning brands?"

stays long on the mind. Good job!

 Comment Written 23-Sep-2014

---

reply by the author on 25-Sep-2014

Thanks for the generous words and the six stars.

Steve

Comment from adewpearl

Excellent

solid use of abab rhyming
steady iambic meter and enjambment make for good cadence and smooth flow
nice use of alliteration
good assonance in wind disturbs
lovely detail of setting that creates mood well
effective use of personification
a most poignant closing as we learn that the speaker's beloved has died and can no longer take part in these remembered activities
Brooke

 Comment Written 23-Sep-2014

---

reply by the author on 25-Sep-2014

Thanks, Brooke

Trying the sentimental route this time. Competition looks tough, though.

Steve

Comment from Acquired Taste

Excellent

A sad poem, but sprinkled with lovely and joyous memories of a happier time. Closing with: but you'll forever sleep in sorrow's shroud - definitely makes the point they will be missed, but remain loved no matter what. Lovely poem. AT=/

 Comment Written 23-Sep-2014

---

reply by the author on 25-Sep-2014

Thanks for the great review.

Steve

Comment from jaeladarling

Excellent

Such a sad poem, filled with nostalgia, memories. There are a few graves I visit. Hard not to wonder what life would be like with them still here. Appreciate the sentiment behind this piece. Thanks so much for sharing.

 Comment Written 23-Sep-2014

---

reply by the author on 25-Sep-2014

Thanks for the kind words.

Steve

Comment from amahra

Excellent

Very beautiful ABAB poetry. Nice entry for this contest. I really love the wording of this poem. Great rhyming with a steady and musical flow to the rhythm.

 Comment Written 23-Sep-2014

---

reply by the author on 25-Sep-2014

Thanks for the kind words.

Steve

Comment from Dorothy Farrell

Exceptional

This is beautifully written. Perfect iambic pentameter and the story is very moving. The place where you stood, hand in hand, as lovers, now the writer's partner is buried there. That last line is a tear jerker, which I am sure is intended. 'but you'll forever sleep in sorrow's shroud' - a perfect line with good alliteration. A worthy entry for the contest. Warm regards Dorothy x

 Comment Written 23-Sep-2014

---

reply by the author on 25-Sep-2014

Dorothy, thanks so much for the generous review and the six shiny stars. Yes, going for the tear-jerker vote...

Steve

Comment from drivenbackward

Excellent

Hi, Kiwi. So this is a poem about a love that passed? Sad. At the same time, the descriptions painted a picture of a happier and place and time, one that lives in memory.

 Comment Written 23-Sep-2014

---

reply by the author on 25-Sep-2014

Thanks for reviewing.

Steve