Comment from Dawn of Tomorrow

Excellent

OH I love this. I love Rondeaus and will have to check out tis redouble thing. I stepped away from writing for a while and there are so many things I just don't know. This is glorious, a wonderful love poem, an angel flew from heaven indeed.

 Comment Written 28-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 29-Jan-2016

Thanks. Dawn - the redouble just takes the Rondeau one step further - a bit tricky, but fun. Suited to slightly humorous pieces try googling one by the wonderful Wendy Cope, which starts 'There are so many kinds of awful men...'

Steve

Comment from I am Cat

Excellent

HI Steve,
Well, you've taken one of the most used pick-up lines and expanded it into a poem! lol
"Did you hurt yourself?
"When?"
"When you fell from heaven just now." lol

You've created a slightly tongue in cheek, (or at least for any woman who has ever had that line used on her?) but done it in a beautiful, skillful way, of course. ;)
The rondeau redouble is effortless... the rhymes unforced, the iambic pentameter, perfection!

terms like:
Mister Right
God Squad
Guinivere and her noblest knight

all things which are a bit cliched... which I think you meant to do as well.
(you're no dummy)
My entry was based purely on hyperbole, so I 'get' it.

I enjoyed the reading, and got a smile out of it as well.
Good luck in the contest.
Cat

 Comment Written 28-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 29-Jan-2016

Thanks, Cat. I've written a few of these things lately so I must be getting the hang of it. Funny thing is, the slightly sardonic tone is always the same, no matter the intention when I start out.

Steve

Comment from bichonfrisegirl

Exceptional

This is great! What a terrific entry for the Love Poem contest, Steve, and quite an original premise for a write (at least I think so).

"And here she is, tucked up with Mr. Right, her halo's slipped a little as you see" ... haha ... terrific imagery!! Love how cheeky that line is. :) Your Rondeau Redouble makes perfect sense, and has strong rhyming and a good flow to it. It keeps the reader engaged from start to finish, and leaves the reader with an 'awwwe' moment when reading your ending "when to my wedding ... at its very height ... an angel flew from heaven". So sweet! :)

Great job on this write! Best wishes for the contest, Steve.

Connie

 Comment Written 28-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 29-Jan-2016

Thank you, Connie. I can always rely on you to be generous with your stars.

Let's hope the judging panel has a few staunch romantics on it.

Steve

reply by bichonfrisegirl on 29-Jan-2016

Lol ... there are just a handful of writers on this site whose writes I particularly seem to enjoy, Steve, as they resonate well with me for some reason or another. Your writes never fail to either make me laugh or they speak to the heart ... all good things. They are NEVER boring. :) To me your writes are most worthy of the ratings that I give them.

Comment from dragonpoet

Excellent

This poem tells of how every person should view their spouse. We all make mistakes but on the whole we should bring light and love to each other.

Good luck in the contest.

Keep writing.

dragonpoet

 Comment Written 28-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 29-Jan-2016

Thanks very much for the kind words.

Steve

reply by dragonpoet on 29-Jan-2016

You are so very welcome, Steve.

Joan

Comment from Tessa Kay

Exceptional

This is simply beautiful. Love how the repeat lines fit in seamlessly. It's sweet, romantic and has a tinge of humour. So very well done. :)

 Comment Written 28-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 29-Jan-2016

Thank you, Tessa for the generous words and rating.

Steve

Comment from Sanku

Excellent

A rondeau redouble.Quite a challenge to write, and you have done it with ease and expertise.But then you are always quite comfortable with rhyme and meter.
A fantastic idea ,a tribute to your wife.As I was reading ,I thought it could be a grand child but I was quite touched when I read those brilliant last lines"our yesterday....flew from heaven.
You have succeeded in stirring the curiosity of the reader from the beginning. Initially I thought you are writing about a statue of an angel ,but I guessed it could be a child and then in the third stanza 'MR Right' gave some clue.and of course the last stanza confirmed it.
all the best in the contest.

 Comment Written 28-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 29-Jan-2016

Sanku, thank you so much.

Yes, I have written a few of these beasts lately - practice makes perfect. Hopefully the judges will agree.

I am interested in your thoughts as you read this piece. because I had love poem in my mind from the bginning, I never considered that it may be open to other interpretations. So glad you enjoyed.

Steve

Comment from Cumbrianlass

Excellent

And once again, he rocks. This is really sweet, Steve. Love your descriptions of the angel, and how you reassure God that this errant angel is safe. Awesome use of rhyme, and I really like the format with the repeating lines.

Nice one. Or, as they say in Yorkshire, 'Nice wun.'

Av

 Comment Written 27-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 29-Jan-2016

Thanks, Av. This was fun to write - I had to scramble a bit because I only remembered the contest with 24 hours to go...

Has it stopped bloody raining 'oop nort'h yet? And do you still have your Yorkie accent?

Steve

reply by Cumbrianlass on 29-Jan-2016

Nay, lad. Cumbrian, me! Yorkshire's next door. Still raining oop north, aye, from whar I'm seeing on FB. :)

Comment from tfawcus

Excellent

I'm afraid I don't have a six left for this fine Rondeau Redouble. Having just written one of sorts myself, I know how challenging it is to maintain coherent unforced sense with only two rhymes throughout. The fact that I was scarcely aware of the rhyme scheme as I read is a tribute to your artfulness in that respect. The humour and playfulness is very much in keeping with true love.

 Comment Written 27-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 29-Jan-2016

Thanks, Tony.

Two kinds of love - I don't think I could handle the deadly serious kind, so that only leaves something like this!

I've done a few of these RRs now - getting to quite like them!

Steve

Comment from TallySally

Excellent

I like your concept a lot. The repetition of key lines and phrases works well. Funny and touching. Good balance.
God bless and my best.
Relda

 Comment Written 27-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 29-Jan-2016

Thanks. Relda - glad you enjoyed.

Steve

Comment from Joan E.

Excellent

I enjoyed your "angel" metaphor, repeats and rhymes in this rondeau. Your surprise reveal about the "wedding" in the final stanza was quite appealing. Best wishes with this creative love poem in the contest- Joan

 Comment Written 27-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 29-Jan-2016

Thanks, Joan.

I hope the surprise ending makes this a bit more palatable for the judges...

Steve