Another Pretty Face
Viewing comments for Chapter 24 "Chapter 10; part two"Can love survive small town gossip?
71 total reviews
Comment from minopavlic
A powerful statement made within these words. Love regardless of its journey has always been known for its strength, vulnerabilities and its delicate properties of fragility.
Barbara, you have many prayer warriors in your corner, the storm is always rough before the calm.
Mino
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2010
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A powerful statement made within these words. Love regardless of its journey has always been known for its strength, vulnerabilities and its delicate properties of fragility.
Barbara, you have many prayer warriors in your corner, the storm is always rough before the calm.
Mino
Comment Written 13-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2010
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Thank you for your encouraging words.
Comment from Lou Briggs
Firstly, I am so glad to hear about your treatment, and that you're doing well! You are a very, very brave woman, and I respect that like you wouldn't believe.
Secondly, I caught a chapter of this a while back, and I really like the development you've made so far. Great job!
Good luck with the rest of your therapy!
-Lou
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2010
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Firstly, I am so glad to hear about your treatment, and that you're doing well! You are a very, very brave woman, and I respect that like you wouldn't believe.
Secondly, I caught a chapter of this a while back, and I really like the development you've made so far. Great job!
Good luck with the rest of your therapy!
-Lou
Comment Written 13-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Carolyn Hilliard
I love your story and look for it. I hope you don't mind but I've decided to point out 3 spots that need your attention when you feel like it.
They must painting another room. [They must be painting...]
"I mean you're feminine"a woman." [feminine a woman."]
"Because I can't do anything else but to wish and pray." [else but wish and...]
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2010
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I love your story and look for it. I hope you don't mind but I've decided to point out 3 spots that need your attention when you feel like it.
They must painting another room. [They must be painting...]
"I mean you're feminine"a woman." [feminine a woman."]
"Because I can't do anything else but to wish and pray." [else but wish and...]
Comment Written 13-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2010
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I edited this during my chemo treatment. I thought it would be a good time. I was wrong. I've made some stupid errors. I must have been correcting them while you were reading. I hopefully have them all corrected as slong as I didn't make new ones while correcting.
Comment from Ritsal
Although I'm reading this in the middle of the story, your characters come to life for me and I enjoyed their interaction, even the little surprise at the end of the chapter. Munchkin - LOL There was only one area I saw that you may want to edit. She opened the window and took a deep breath, remembering how comfortable she felt in his presences. - I would make this singular. Other than that, it was great.
Best wishes,
Rita
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2010
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Although I'm reading this in the middle of the story, your characters come to life for me and I enjoyed their interaction, even the little surprise at the end of the chapter. Munchkin - LOL There was only one area I saw that you may want to edit. She opened the window and took a deep breath, remembering how comfortable she felt in his presences. - I would make this singular. Other than that, it was great.
Best wishes,
Rita
Comment Written 13-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2010
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Thank you for pointing it out. I have corrected it. I appreciate your review.
Comment from Connie P
I really, really enjoyed this chapter and I'm out of sixes.
I liked the little jealous moment Joe had, that came across as very natural and normal.
It's amazing that in thought at least he seems to be pursuing her, most women would fall all over him ... maybe that's why he's intrigued.
The tidbits, such as the polar bear bring this chapter home, the little things that would be noticed in a situation like this.
Very well done.
Notes:
Joe walked (to) the bedroom and saw Sara in George's arms.
*She opened the window and took a deep breath, remembering how comfortable she felt in his presences (presence).
Keep hanging in there!
Connie
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2010
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I really, really enjoyed this chapter and I'm out of sixes.
I liked the little jealous moment Joe had, that came across as very natural and normal.
It's amazing that in thought at least he seems to be pursuing her, most women would fall all over him ... maybe that's why he's intrigued.
The tidbits, such as the polar bear bring this chapter home, the little things that would be noticed in a situation like this.
Very well done.
Notes:
Joe walked (to) the bedroom and saw Sara in George's arms.
*She opened the window and took a deep breath, remembering how comfortable she felt in his presences (presence).
Keep hanging in there!
Connie
Comment Written 13-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2010
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I edited this during my chemo treatment. Maybe it wasn't a good idea. I made stupid mistakes. Thank you for finding them for me.
Comment from sk42rn
Thanks for posting when you do not feel well. I hear from my friend next door, who is also in cancer treatment and has lost her hair, that there are some beautiful wigs out there. It gives you the opportunity to be a different woman everyday! A red, a short black headed pixie.
Seriously, I know you feel lousy and you are probably very angry and resentful right now. I am soooo sorry! It is an ugly disease. I hate it. I hate what it does to my friends. It killed some of my family. But you are cared for and loved and people are praying for you! Hang in there.
The work is good! You might want to go back and audit later. There are a few sentences where a word is missing here and there. No biggee.
Take Care.
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2010
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Thanks for posting when you do not feel well. I hear from my friend next door, who is also in cancer treatment and has lost her hair, that there are some beautiful wigs out there. It gives you the opportunity to be a different woman everyday! A red, a short black headed pixie.
Seriously, I know you feel lousy and you are probably very angry and resentful right now. I am soooo sorry! It is an ugly disease. I hate it. I hate what it does to my friends. It killed some of my family. But you are cared for and loved and people are praying for you! Hang in there.
The work is good! You might want to go back and audit later. There are a few sentences where a word is missing here and there. No biggee.
Take Care.
Comment Written 13-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2010
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I edited this during my chemo treatment and I have decided that wasn't a good idea. I think I have corrected all the errors, unless I made some while correcting others.
Comment from MyYiaYia
I am coming into this in the middle of the book, but it is very good so far. I will try to read it from the beginning. I hope you don't mind if I become a fan to get the rest of it when you write it. :0)
I was sorry to read that you are having chemo and your hair is beginning to fall our. I will keep you in my prayers. Many people like to go ahead and shave their heads when the hair begins to fall out. You may not have wanted to hear that, and I apologize if you are offended.
Anyway, here are a few nits I found.
Joe walked (into) the bedroom -
"We've been good friend(s) for twenty plus -
"I mean you're feminine(needs a space here) "a woman." -
Joe stared (at) his ringing phone. -
"I wish I may, (I) wish I might(,) have the wish(,) I wish tonight. -
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2010
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I am coming into this in the middle of the book, but it is very good so far. I will try to read it from the beginning. I hope you don't mind if I become a fan to get the rest of it when you write it. :0)
I was sorry to read that you are having chemo and your hair is beginning to fall our. I will keep you in my prayers. Many people like to go ahead and shave their heads when the hair begins to fall out. You may not have wanted to hear that, and I apologize if you are offended.
Anyway, here are a few nits I found.
Joe walked (into) the bedroom -
"We've been good friend(s) for twenty plus -
"I mean you're feminine(needs a space here) "a woman." -
Joe stared (at) his ringing phone. -
"I wish I may, (I) wish I might(,) have the wish(,) I wish tonight. -
Comment Written 13-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2010
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I edited this during my chemo treatment and missed a lot. I will fix those. Thank you for pointing them out. I hate errors.
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A gal after my own heart. I am too much of a perfectionist myself. LOL!
Comment from Joan E.
As you might remember, I don't read much prose on FanStory, but I wanted to check in and see where your writing is taking you. I did not realize you are having chemo and am glad you are being brave and continue to write. I have several friends who wore comfortable, attractive, grey wigs for a few months, and now you would never know they lost their locks. I am in my second month of a regimen to try to improve my peripheral neuropathy, and one of the key things I have learned is to pace myself. Another is about the nutritional value of berries and melons!
I enjoyed your natural dialog and the tenderness Joe exhibits toward Sara. The thoughts in italics are quite effective as well. Your chapter held my attention and I am curious about what happens next to these characters.
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2010
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As you might remember, I don't read much prose on FanStory, but I wanted to check in and see where your writing is taking you. I did not realize you are having chemo and am glad you are being brave and continue to write. I have several friends who wore comfortable, attractive, grey wigs for a few months, and now you would never know they lost their locks. I am in my second month of a regimen to try to improve my peripheral neuropathy, and one of the key things I have learned is to pace myself. Another is about the nutritional value of berries and melons!
I enjoyed your natural dialog and the tenderness Joe exhibits toward Sara. The thoughts in italics are quite effective as well. Your chapter held my attention and I am curious about what happens next to these characters.
Comment Written 13-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2010
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My prayers are with you.
Thank you for the kind review.
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Our thoughts are flowing back and forth across the miles in support of one another on our journeys.
I am glad we both find solace in writing and have this site as a channel for our creativity. I look forward to the growing romance of Joe and Sara... -J
Comment from Babibrn
I LIKE YOUR WRITING STYLE. ARE YOU A TEACHER OR ARE YOU WILLING TO TEACH. YOUR WORDS JUMP OFF THE PAGE. I LIKE THE WAY YOUR WORDS FLOW TOGETHER.
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2010
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I LIKE YOUR WRITING STYLE. ARE YOU A TEACHER OR ARE YOU WILLING TO TEACH. YOUR WORDS JUMP OFF THE PAGE. I LIKE THE WAY YOUR WORDS FLOW TOGETHER.
Comment Written 13-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2010
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I teach first grade. The little guys. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from c_lucas
This is very well written and you did an excellent job of improving the relationship. This has a smooth flow of words, making for an easy read.
Evil Eddie:
"I mean you're feminine"a (EE at work) woman."
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2010
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This is very well written and you did an excellent job of improving the relationship. This has a smooth flow of words, making for an easy read.
Evil Eddie:
"I mean you're feminine"a (EE at work) woman."
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2010
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I took care of evil eddie. I should have remembered he doesn't like strange letters. Thank you for your kind review.
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You're welcome, Barbara. Charlie