Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Part Two Chapter One"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
89 total reviews
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Barbara,
What a blessing that Troy walked into Anna's life. He seems to be someone she can depend on and heaven knows she needs that. You always develop your characters so well and your descriptions are vivid in my mind. I hate to think what Bobby will do if he finds out Anna is talking to another man. Well done. Blessings, chey
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2011
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Hi Barbara,
What a blessing that Troy walked into Anna's life. He seems to be someone she can depend on and heaven knows she needs that. You always develop your characters so well and your descriptions are vivid in my mind. I hate to think what Bobby will do if he finds out Anna is talking to another man. Well done. Blessings, chey
Comment Written 14-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2011
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If Bobby finds out about Troy he will kill her. I am pretty sure that won't happen, at least for a very long time. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from The Stranger
you paint a very sad but nevertheless, important picture of domestic violence and the effects it has on both the recipient and also the child who discovers the full extent of the horror, in this case the murder of her mother by a viscous drunkard
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2011
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you paint a very sad but nevertheless, important picture of domestic violence and the effects it has on both the recipient and also the child who discovers the full extent of the horror, in this case the murder of her mother by a viscous drunkard
Comment Written 13-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from ebeta
This story is coming along well
I'm enjoying reading it.
Going back to my comment on part 1, I would recommend having the signs of abuse more foreshadowed in the bookstore.
For Troy to buy a woman a book because she's reading a book on divorce and she fell into his lap seems more opportunistic than altruistic.
But if she cringed at his touch, and quickly pulled her sleeves to cover arm bruises or seemed self conscious that he could see her back as he lifted her, there would be signs for him to pick up on
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2011
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This story is coming along well
I'm enjoying reading it.
Going back to my comment on part 1, I would recommend having the signs of abuse more foreshadowed in the bookstore.
For Troy to buy a woman a book because she's reading a book on divorce and she fell into his lap seems more opportunistic than altruistic.
But if she cringed at his touch, and quickly pulled her sleeves to cover arm bruises or seemed self conscious that he could see her back as he lifted her, there would be signs for him to pick up on
Comment Written 13-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2011
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I will consider your suggestions. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Rama Rao
Excellent. The story is taking off very well. I can't wait to read the next chapter. Your chapters always make fascinating and absorbing reading.
May I take the liberty to make a few suggestions?
1.and tried to force Troy from her mind.-evict him out of her mind?
2.A grin erupted across his lips-spread instead of erupted.
3.That auburn hair frames the sprinkle of freckles across her nose. -this looked out of place and is not clear.
4.He watched her shake her head and then he lifted his -a comma before and.
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2011
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Excellent. The story is taking off very well. I can't wait to read the next chapter. Your chapters always make fascinating and absorbing reading.
May I take the liberty to make a few suggestions?
1.and tried to force Troy from her mind.-evict him out of her mind?
2.A grin erupted across his lips-spread instead of erupted.
3.That auburn hair frames the sprinkle of freckles across her nose. -this looked out of place and is not clear.
4.He watched her shake her head and then he lifted his -a comma before and.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2011
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Thank you for your suggestions. I will take a second look in those areas.
Comment from Paradox Tremors
You're having the luck I've had recently. It get frustrating to post here sometimes. I hope Anna will take him up on his offer, nobody should suffer any abuse of any kind. Well written.
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2011
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You're having the luck I've had recently. It get frustrating to post here sometimes. I hope Anna will take him up on his offer, nobody should suffer any abuse of any kind. Well written.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from tango494
I don't usually read this type of literature but I am glad I did in this case. Your storyline is very good. Your characters are believable and I liked how you moved me as a reader to want to know more about the story. Excellent job.
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2011
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I don't usually read this type of literature but I am glad I did in this case. Your storyline is very good. Your characters are believable and I liked how you moved me as a reader to want to know more about the story. Excellent job.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Russel Chale
Good continuation of the first chapter. I liked the choice of Troy's POV for the second scene. I'm looking forward to reading more as you develop the characters.
"I cradled [Mom's] head and realized he'd killed her. (You could write: "I cradled my mom's head ...)
"A [six-month-old] son, Michael."
(You could write: "A six months old son, Michael.")
"Until tomorrow."
(I assume that is Troy's comment, but an attribution would leave no doubt in the reader's mind. For example: "Until tomorrow," he replied.)
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2011
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Good continuation of the first chapter. I liked the choice of Troy's POV for the second scene. I'm looking forward to reading more as you develop the characters.
"I cradled [Mom's] head and realized he'd killed her. (You could write: "I cradled my mom's head ...)
"A [six-month-old] son, Michael."
(You could write: "A six months old son, Michael.")
"Until tomorrow."
(I assume that is Troy's comment, but an attribution would leave no doubt in the reader's mind. For example: "Until tomorrow," he replied.)
Comment Written 13-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2011
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I will take a look at those areas. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from K. L. Bauman
This is a great beginning to this story. (I'll have to read the first chapter!) As always, your characters are so vivid, and dialogue well done. I didn't see anything that would need changing.
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2011
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This is a great beginning to this story. (I'll have to read the first chapter!) As always, your characters are so vivid, and dialogue well done. I didn't see anything that would need changing.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Dave M
Barbara,
This is an exceptional chapter. It also doesn't have any nits, but that's not the reason for my six-star review. The story flows well with an excellent blend of action, introduction to Troy, dialogue and Anna's thoughts.
Anna is right to be suspicious of Troy. At one point, she admits to herself that she isn't a good judge of men. That should be obvious, since she married Bobby.
Dave
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2011
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Barbara,
This is an exceptional chapter. It also doesn't have any nits, but that's not the reason for my six-star review. The story flows well with an excellent blend of action, introduction to Troy, dialogue and Anna's thoughts.
Anna is right to be suspicious of Troy. At one point, she admits to herself that she isn't a good judge of men. That should be obvious, since she married Bobby.
Dave
Comment Written 13-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2011
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Thank you for your kind review. I always wait to hear from here.
Comment from missy98writer
Barbara,
you doing an excellent job on this book. Chapter two is very interesting with excellent descripitve writing, great narrative and very good dialogue. I'm intrigued to see what happens. Anna needs to get help to leave her abusive husband. I hate her husband even more than I hate Peggy from your book with featuring Steve and Leya. I hope your feeling better. I curse Evil Eddie for you. May God keep blessing your health and you pen, my talented friend. Cool art work you used.
Melissa.
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2011
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Barbara,
you doing an excellent job on this book. Chapter two is very interesting with excellent descripitve writing, great narrative and very good dialogue. I'm intrigued to see what happens. Anna needs to get help to leave her abusive husband. I hate her husband even more than I hate Peggy from your book with featuring Steve and Leya. I hope your feeling better. I curse Evil Eddie for you. May God keep blessing your health and you pen, my talented friend. Cool art work you used.
Melissa.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2011
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Thank you for your continued support and your review.