Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Part One chapter three"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
84 total reviews
Comment from lola29
I'm really beginning to like Troy a lot. His father's seems very intelligent, and I'm glad he told his son about Stockholm syndrome. It's anybody's guess if Anna will return to her abusive husband or not. I'm really hoping she doesn't. Great chapter.
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2011
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I'm really beginning to like Troy a lot. His father's seems very intelligent, and I'm glad he told his son about Stockholm syndrome. It's anybody's guess if Anna will return to her abusive husband or not. I'm really hoping she doesn't. Great chapter.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from jclark
Good, solid chapter. I enjoyed a "breather" from the tension and fear of the previous one. It also put some perspective on the situation. I do hope she will not be going back to that bastard of a husband!
Judy
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2011
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Good, solid chapter. I enjoyed a "breather" from the tension and fear of the previous one. It also put some perspective on the situation. I do hope she will not be going back to that bastard of a husband!
Judy
Comment Written 17-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from --Turtle.
I read through this chapter. The scene felt pretty secure and the genre of romance novel was easy to pinpoint. I could identify the hero, heroine and conflict, even by only reading through this chapter.
He watched the police use a battering ram [forcing the front door to open at Anna's house].
(to force Anna's front door open)
got,(.)" [as] (T)they forced him into the patrol car's backseat. (maybe break this into two sentences)
back porch(,) staring at a squirrel, he named Rocky, run
Before she left(,) she kissed Troy's cheek.
(in the author's notes... convin(c)ed they deserve the abuse
I had to laugh, because if I were writing a book about abuse, my man would tell me to add to the notes that he WAS abusing me... I could just hear him... be sure to tell them I pushed you down the stairs twice today... (though in sarcasm because though he says things like, It's so sexy when you cry, and Don't make me buy a chainsaw, he's not abusive at all. Though I do feel for women who aren't as lucky and wouldn't giggle when those kinds of things were said to them.)
Turtle.
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2011
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I read through this chapter. The scene felt pretty secure and the genre of romance novel was easy to pinpoint. I could identify the hero, heroine and conflict, even by only reading through this chapter.
He watched the police use a battering ram [forcing the front door to open at Anna's house].
(to force Anna's front door open)
got,(.)" [as] (T)they forced him into the patrol car's backseat. (maybe break this into two sentences)
back porch(,) staring at a squirrel, he named Rocky, run
Before she left(,) she kissed Troy's cheek.
(in the author's notes... convin(c)ed they deserve the abuse
I had to laugh, because if I were writing a book about abuse, my man would tell me to add to the notes that he WAS abusing me... I could just hear him... be sure to tell them I pushed you down the stairs twice today... (though in sarcasm because though he says things like, It's so sexy when you cry, and Don't make me buy a chainsaw, he's not abusive at all. Though I do feel for women who aren't as lucky and wouldn't giggle when those kinds of things were said to them.)
Turtle.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2011
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Thank you for yoru kind review and assistance in those areas.
Comment from Carolyn Hilliard
Barbara
Stockholm syndrome is A phenomenon in which a hostage begins to identify with and grow sympathetic to his or her captors. Very common in kidnappings over a period of time.
Anna would be Battered Women's Syndrome. However, why Anna would stay has more to do with "For some, there is simply no exit. The door is open but she cannot leave. She has no resources of her own. Her children need her. She is terrified of the police. Social workers are people who can declare you an unfit mother. The perpetrator has threatened to kill her if she leaves or if she tells and she knows no safe haven from him. There is no federal witness protection program for domestic assault victims. Her fear is real, the threat is real, the pathway to freedom cannot be found."
I feel I would take out the Stockholm syndrome references.
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2011
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Barbara
Stockholm syndrome is A phenomenon in which a hostage begins to identify with and grow sympathetic to his or her captors. Very common in kidnappings over a period of time.
Anna would be Battered Women's Syndrome. However, why Anna would stay has more to do with "For some, there is simply no exit. The door is open but she cannot leave. She has no resources of her own. Her children need her. She is terrified of the police. Social workers are people who can declare you an unfit mother. The perpetrator has threatened to kill her if she leaves or if she tells and she knows no safe haven from him. There is no federal witness protection program for domestic assault victims. Her fear is real, the threat is real, the pathway to freedom cannot be found."
I feel I would take out the Stockholm syndrome references.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2011
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Very true. I will check into that. I have known people who call it the SS. Thank you for the advice.
Comment from MS Writer
Well, the story does ring so true that the possibility that you may be abused would cross people's mind. Well done and certainly keeps me riveted to the page. I did find one your omissions during your changes:
and walked beside stretcher.
?and walked beside the stretcher.
Great work.
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2011
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Well, the story does ring so true that the possibility that you may be abused would cross people's mind. Well done and certainly keeps me riveted to the page. I did find one your omissions during your changes:
and walked beside stretcher.
?and walked beside the stretcher.
Great work.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2011
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I thought I fixed that. I will recheck it. Thank you.
Comment from sunnilicious
The story is coming along pretty good. I'm impressed. Good work!
Just my opinion(s);
The rush of divorce seems so soon in the story. At this point I see Troy as insignificant unless he's by Anna & her son's side. I think emphasis on Anna at the hospital is necessary. Then, Bobby being handled should be important. Popularized situations like a soap opera for added drama.
All the best!
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2011
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The story is coming along pretty good. I'm impressed. Good work!
Just my opinion(s);
The rush of divorce seems so soon in the story. At this point I see Troy as insignificant unless he's by Anna & her son's side. I think emphasis on Anna at the hospital is necessary. Then, Bobby being handled should be important. Popularized situations like a soap opera for added drama.
All the best!
Comment Written 17-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2011
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I think you might be surprised in what is happening next. The divorce will be aways away.
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Sounds like you've got great things coming. All the best!
Comment from mumsyone
I'm glad to see that Troy might finally be able to help Anna get out of her abusive situation, just by giving her the names of someone who can help her. (So glad to know that your husband does not abuse you! Ha.)
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2011
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I'm glad to see that Troy might finally be able to help Anna get out of her abusive situation, just by giving her the names of someone who can help her. (So glad to know that your husband does not abuse you! Ha.)
Comment Written 17-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2011
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Thank you for your kind review. My husband appreciates your thoughts.
Comment from driven
I liked this chapter, as I've enjoyed teh others. It's nice top see the story progress and that abusive husband taken out of the picture, even if it's only for a chapter or two, Good intro of the father. Very easy to read and get through. I am enjoying the way that the story is moving along and growing.
woman officer carried Michael and walked beside stretcher>and walked beside (a/the) stretcher
staring at a squirrel, he named Rocky, run up and down a tree> staring at a squirrel he named Rocky, run up and down
He laughed. "Those were the good old day. >days
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2011
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I liked this chapter, as I've enjoyed teh others. It's nice top see the story progress and that abusive husband taken out of the picture, even if it's only for a chapter or two, Good intro of the father. Very easy to read and get through. I am enjoying the way that the story is moving along and growing.
woman officer carried Michael and walked beside stretcher>and walked beside (a/the) stretcher
staring at a squirrel, he named Rocky, run up and down a tree> staring at a squirrel he named Rocky, run up and down
He laughed. "Those were the good old day. >days
Comment Written 17-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2011
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I have made those corrections. Thank you for pointing them out.
Comment from adewpearl
carried Michael and walked beside stretcher - beside the stretcher
Those were the good old day - days
I like the relationship between Troy and his parents, from his mom wanting him to visit more often to his dad giving him fatherly advice and reminiscing with him. Excellent dialogue. Brooke
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2011
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carried Michael and walked beside stretcher - beside the stretcher
Those were the good old day - days
I like the relationship between Troy and his parents, from his mom wanting him to visit more often to his dad giving him fatherly advice and reminiscing with him. Excellent dialogue. Brooke
Comment Written 17-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2011
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I have made those corrections. Thank you for your eagle eye.
Comment from NormalsENVY
I normally stick to reading and reviewing poetry due to the fact that I have the attention span of a gnat really. That was not a joke entirely but I was milling around the site and I saw the topic of your book and decided to browse through it. This is a very personal subject for me I also couldn't leave the abuse for fear I'd never make it alone. This chapter had my attention from start to finish and I never once look up except to scroll the page down. I look forward to reading the next chapters to come and commend you on the topic for some it is hard to write. Great job.
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2011
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I normally stick to reading and reviewing poetry due to the fact that I have the attention span of a gnat really. That was not a joke entirely but I was milling around the site and I saw the topic of your book and decided to browse through it. This is a very personal subject for me I also couldn't leave the abuse for fear I'd never make it alone. This chapter had my attention from start to finish and I never once look up except to scroll the page down. I look forward to reading the next chapters to come and commend you on the topic for some it is hard to write. Great job.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2011
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Thank you for the kind review. My husband swears I have the attention span of a fly, so I understand.